It happens organically if two people are compatible. No time frame.

life tought me, if you are not getting her in your bed on 1st date, you'll never gonna get it

There is no 'set in stone' time limit.

If a couple wants to boink on the first date,
ir's their business.

If a couple wants to court for 5 years, before
they bump uglies, it's their business.

I read this here a lot.
It sounds nice. But it's ultimately BS in my opinion.
IMO it stems from people who have been trained to see sex or physical intimacy as "bad" as any kind of contact that isn't requested 3 months in advance in triplicate with a notarized legality notice from the police department as some kind of assault.

What exactly do you want to know?
If you already have an idea of what you want to know, you can measure it and say "okay, now I've gotten to really know them, because I know x,y,z!" ...but that leaves you wide open to missing important things that you didn't even know you needed to know, cuz you're too busy trying to tick off the things you really want to get to know in order to tell you when to move to the next "stage" or "where you stand" or something.

If you don't really have an idea of what you really need to get to know that opens it up to a lot of possibilities...but removes the idea that you can ever reach a point where you can unequivocally measure "okay, that's enough, now I know I really got to know them!"
Because there could always be more, and there will be.


I read this 'get to know' crap and I wonder, after puberty, after you start having a sexual identity...isn't sex, your fantasies, desires, how your body responds, what turns you on, what turns you off, the need and inherent push for simple touch, how fulfilling it is to your ego...isn't that a part of "who you are?"

If you went out on a date with someone and they hid "who they were" from you, would you continue dating them?
How do you/people feel when after 3, 5, 25 dates you get some kind of "talk" where it's "oh yeah, I have this disease," or, "oh yeah, I have kids," or, "oh yeah, I smoke a lot of pot and crack," or, "oh yeah, I'm not really a guy/girl like you think I am,"or, "oh, btw, I'm homeless."

How has that helped any relationship, trying to compartmentalize a significant portion of "who you are" and only dole it out or confess or share it "later" after some arbitrary emotional benchmark hoop?

Other than that, what do you do about any disparity in knowledge?
I mean lets say you're one of those moronic "I'm into intelligence!" people. What happens when they "got to know" you after 10 minutes, but to be on the same level of "knowledge" it would take you a month? year? decade? Is it automatic that they have to wait for you to catch up?



You can't really "rush" into a relationship.

Because "relationships" aren't external to you.
Not like a car, where you can rush into driving it and then through experience take it for granted, learn nothing else useful, and it never changes simply deteriorates and depreciates.

The entire relationship is based on how you interact with each other, it starts from the moment you start interacting, even without words (glances, body language, smiles across the room).
The relationship changes as your interaction changes. Your interaction changes the relationship, the relationship doesn't change who you are.

You can't rush into a relationship, you can only feed each other bs you either can't back up, or never had any intention of doing.


IME/IMO when people "rush" into a relationship (have a tendency, have a history of) all that means is "I either have absolutely no idea on how to see this person as an actual individual, therefore no means of learning to communicate, or I never really had any desire to learn to communicate with them, I just saw them as a means to my own gratification."

That's at best.

At worst it means "I have preconceived notions, a formula for what I believe I had to do in order to get the short term gratification I wanted or to fill my preconceived notions/definition of that label of relationship which I expected them to adhere to and live by and know without me telling them. But...they might actually be dumb enough to stick around and keep giving me what I want...oh crap...I don't have a script to follow! I've gone through all my lines already so don't have any idea what to do next or what this is!"

They've rushed through their "relationship forming" script and either have to become themselves (meaning they haven't been, up to this point) or learn a new facade, present a new avatar.


"Getting to know" and "rushing" are BS excuses horrible people use to minimize responsibility for the lies they tell themselves and others in their attempts to manipulate relationships and people towards getting what they want from them. Ego risk management.
Little different than when people virtue signal "Oh I'm not perfect...no one is..."


The only time you have to "take things slowly" is if you haven't been taking them honestly up to that point and you've developed a lot of bad habits.

At best you aren't taking things "slowly" you're simply trying to break yourself of learned bad habits in relationship forming.

Good luck with using someone as your nicorette and not believe that either just continues the same problems with new rationalizations, or just leads to possibly new bad habits.



Why are you sitting around "expecting?"


You mean like that lady at circle k never gets out from behind the bullet proof window?
Or every woman you jump out from the bushes at runs to the police?
WTF is "never give you the chance to make the move?"
Do you just have the one move, either sitting around expecting a kiss, or just chasing them around trying to kiss them?

It's depend on your attitude.If you want to set up a sincerely relationship with you partner,I think you should do that slowly and carefully.If you just want to hook up someone,you could do that quickly and sexually.Wish you to find your partner.

I agree, a kiss on her forehead has it's place. I wouldn't do it as a first kiss. More so though as a way to comfort her.

or if she is all snuggled up on my shoulder "after"

Now that's the only time I'd want my forehead kissed by a man

Alright, get a room you two LOL

How long should it take before a kiss? That is something that will be different with every couple. The guy will know inside if she is ready by her eyes, her body language, what she is saying. I feel the guy is always ready but a gentleman will not push the issue. Just thank the girl for the lovely evening and politely ask if you may see her again. If she says yes with no hesitation then your chances are improved for that kiss the next time. If she hesitates then she possibly has second thoughts about another date so just thank her and leave. If she then asks you after say a week why you haven't called just politely say that you sensed that she was not interested so you didn't want to put her in an awkward position. Then play it by hear according to what she says.