Topic: Just an amateur poet, but it runs in the family.
CrazyPalindrome's photo
Thu 12/06/07 09:59 AM
I like to think of myself as a poet, but I know I'm nowhere near the masters. I have a wide range of subjects, and sometimes my poetry can be a bit... odd. But it's my way of letting my slightly repressed side out. I'm going to give you one of my not-as-crazy poems as an example, and I'd appreciate some constructive criticism (meaning you say what I might improve on, not just bash my work).

Summer
sage green summers pass with increasing ease
melting like butter the yellow lump sun sinks below the trees
childhood is ending, a time for new life has begun
hold on to memories long after summer's done
My summers are full of people I'll never forgert
I cling to their image, reluctant to move on as of yet
Beautiful people, and places, and things
will carry me through the winter to spring
New green will but on every limb and lawn
faithfully I'll wait for summer's new dawn
but summer will be different in the autumn of my life
so ready for harvest, not yet winter's strife
I watch others' springtimes progress into summer
smiling in remembrance of our last golden summer.

CrazyPalindrome's photo
Thu 12/06/07 10:06 AM
And here's one from my "stranger" side... it's what happens when I feel creative late at night. It's weird, kinda free form, but there's something about it I like. It's kinda endearing in a way...

Love and Muffins

I never meant to laugh,
you're such a dork sometimes
sharing your muffin, giving me half,
under that sun you were so sublime
ahh, these muffins and memories
both are sweet
but some are held more dear to the heart
like your hands
so cold, and spindly
yet they could play such symphonies on my body
and then I would laugh
because you tripped up the stairs again
and you would blush
a color your face was not unused to
for passion ignited your cheeks as well
I thought we were going to lie together forever.
But one morning
Half a muffin was left on my plate
and I laughed as tears splattered the note left beside it
You allways had such a funny way of writing
of being
of living...
That's why I loved you.
That's what I should have told you.
Too little to late,
we realize our mistakes.
And now I laugh and I cry,
as your replacement offers me half a muffin.
His bewildered look makes me laugh harder.
He will never be you,
but I'll have to make do.
Maybe someday,
I'll track you down,
and send you a box of a dozen half muffins.
And maybe someday,
you'll remember me too.

Tobias1540's photo
Thu 12/06/07 10:19 AM
Ok those were great. I wish I could write like that. I try but i cant lol.

no photo
Thu 12/06/07 10:28 AM
Hello,

I am certainly far from being an expert to give any credible critique. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your poems. The "Summer" speaks volume of your maturity and sentimental personality. It has many beautiful imagery, requiring many re-readings. Also each reading allows an insight into the deeper meanings.

The "Love and Muffins" is sweet and sad at the same time. It is sweet because relationship is often most memorable in the little things we do for each other. It is sad because of the lost love. It is also sad for the "replacement". One would hope to never be madly in love with someone, but only be seen as just a standing-in, a replacement. How sad it would be to find out the truth years later in the relationship that you had been settled for.

Thank your for sharing your personal thoughts. Bravo! flowerforyou flowerforyou

jimz's photo
Thu 12/06/07 11:07 AM
Young lady, the great, reflection of a rainbow, that poetry suggests, that there are colors for everyone, and not one color is better than the other, for instance, I respect Robert Frost, but poetry like his, I wouldn't put in a journal I was running. Write, not for only those reasons you mentioned, but write, just to create. Take care, Jimmy

no photo
Thu 12/06/07 12:23 PM
They were both great. I, myself liked the stranger one. Keep up with the writing and find your own voice.flowerforyou flowerforyou

no photo
Thu 12/06/07 12:26 PM
Both were very nice, thanks for sharing.:smile:

CrazyPalindrome's photo
Thu 12/06/07 03:43 PM
Thanks! I haven't actually written a poem in a while, so I've just been looking through all my older stuff to get some inspiriation. Since you liked my strange one, maybe I'll post a couple of my other weird ones. It's funny, but I feel like a lot of my poetry doesn't really reflect my personality, because a lot of my poetry I've drawn emotion from darker situations, but I'm not a dark/depressed type of person. Do any of you find the same thing?

Tobias1540's photo
Thu 12/06/07 04:23 PM
yeah the same thing goes for me. I only have insperation when i am in eaither a really good or bad mood. So most of my stuff is darker too. But as long as its good who care lol

simplyzim's photo
Thu 12/06/07 04:26 PM
drinker good write