What is the best way for one to balance his work without leaving his wife to suffer the consequences. we find that the reason most ladies give for cheating is you were not giving me enough time, you over concentrated on your work...

She won't leave if she is 'serious' about you.
She has to understand your job.. but that is NO excuse for you, making her feel second to your job.
STEP UP! Make her feel important!
..or maybe, she isn't the 'right' one?

the hustles and the long hours of work are so that both of you can have a comfortable life in future. not a sign of ignoring her and her contributions

I understand your concern, good topic for discussion.

Consider the details of committing to marriage.
You have both chosen the one person that means the most to you and agreed to spend the rest of your lives together.

I had my health, my career, my money and my love for my wife was taken from me by other forces.
A job is something you do to live a certain way (for those of us where money matters).
If the marriage is based on love as most important, all other things will be secondary. Not insignificant, but secondary.
So, if your job cheats your wife, you are cheating on your wife.
You are saying that money and things are more important to you than her and the love you share.

During my career, I changed jobs because they were taking away from being able to spend time with my family. My family was more important than the money and the things I could buy.

When my health failed, I found out just how important I was to my job.
I was pushed out, laid off and replaced.
It didn't matter how dedicated or committed I was to my job in the past.
I'm not resentful now because I realized it made good business sense and my employer was in business to make money. I was very angry when it happened tho.
It taught me a valuable lesson on placing dedication and commitment where it matters. I looked very hard at my priorities.

When you're single and have no responsibility to the welfare of others you can dedicate and commit your life to making money and a career.

When you share life with another, you need to set a limit on the job and the money to find equal contentment. Set your priorities.

Ask yourself,
"Is my job (money, car, house, whatever) more important to me than her (him or them)?
Then act accordingly.

People who cheat in a committed Relationship, have low morals or none.

Their character can only be blamed on themselves, not their mate made them do it, because ECT ECT !

I m not talking about people who just date. You have no real commitment in a date or dating. Imo

cliche as it sounds, observe and communicate ... observe each other's family dynamics and the response to it and communicate in order to understand what each other needs or expects from the other

say what you mean, mean what you say, and commit to making it happen...

understanding each others priorities and goals gives us a place to start when determining what kind of match we will be long term

good luck

???
Commitment is either real or feigned.
When I date, I make a commitment to my date.
Not the same commitment I made to my X or my family but a commitment all the same.
The fact that I agreed to date is a commitment, at least, for me it is.
Its also a dedication to spending time with her.

Good comment MsH!

Just want to note:
OP says "His Wife" so that implies the determination of match is already long term.

That's good, however, I still don't consider a date a commitment.
I'm sure many men don't. I think women do and that is a big mistake. Imo

The man moves on and the woman is heartbroken. When actually the man was always available for the taking. More often when dating involves Sexual activity.

Actually once before you start dating someone, you commit yourself and you always do your best to make her happy and make the courtship a success.

Each individual in society is firstly responsible for themselves. This mean having the personal and finacial means to care for yourself. If you enter a relationship one should expect there partner to have the same out look on life. This is how each of our governments see its' citizans.

She should realize that there are not enough high paying jobs out there to life the life each and every one of us would like to live, but we have to face REALITY. If you work and she does not work than she should most certainly understand what your work towards is for both of your servival in life.

If she does not realize this than she probably only want's someone to support her through life or until your finacial means ends. GOLD DIGGER.

I disagree. Maybe a very few in today s society of low or no morals.

I t should be that way, but realistically many today just date to date and have sex.

I thought the reason for your question was due to the circumstances you mentioned just above.

Curious to know though; you are here in the forum does she know?

Both individuals have to accept each other during the courtship, before you can commit yourself.

Dating is dating and it is still open to stay or leave. I understand that you probably care for her, but she wants it when she is arroused.

Have you tried to have intimacy before leaving for work when your not exhausted from the day. Most women do not realize how hard it is to have intimacy after a hard long day at work specially if your job is highly physical or mentally draining.

Neither gender understands each other perfectly.

I think it would be a good idea to realize that there are at least two groups of mates who either cheat, or leave someone, and blame it on the job.

That is, there are those who actually felt usurped by the mates job, and there are those who are only saying so, as either a cover story for other things, or because they want to blame it on SOMETHING, are confused about their real motivations, and so blurt this out, because they heard it elsewhere.

Anyway. For the REAL ones, I suspect that the problem is less the time away itself, than it is the manner in which the time is explained. The reasons given for it, by the one trying to say why they are working.

The people here talking about the subtleties of commitments, are on the right track about this, I think.

A person shows who or what they are ACTUALLY committed to, by HOW they go about doing whatever they do. Lots of people SAY they are working to make their mate happy, but if the way they go about it makes it clear that they are really working for the sake of their own ego, that can be fairly obvious to the mate, no matter what they say, or how many expensive gifts they buy them.

Work=get money.

Relationship=lose money.

It's up to you what's more important.

Communicate with your wife.
Figure out your goals with working.
Why are you working, what do you ultimately want to come from it.
Retirement security? Prestige? A certain job title? Early retirement?
Money for your kids college? A lack of debt? A household to raise kids where only one parent works? A lifestyle? Pride in civic responsibility/having a purpose/doing something/providing something?

Tentatively figure out exactly what you need to do to fulfill those goals.
Figure out if what you're doing at/by working will lead to fulfilling those goals.

Your wife is there to work with you. Help in feedback on your perspective of what you're doing and why, what needs done.



I've found that most people make decisions based on multiple factors, and then at best tend to choose just one to focus on.
And you can't trust polls that force people to pigeonhole themselves into an absolute.
Mostly, you can't read into it like "oh, I just have to avoid that one thing they said, that one single absolute condition, and it'll all be fine."

Unless it's something extreme or egregious.
I mean back in at least the late 1800's to early 1900's it was wasn't uncommon for the husband to leave the state for factory work.
He'd leave the village, or small town, or farm community to go to a large city. Live in a boarding house, or with a ton of other guys, or a tent in the woods, and wouldn't see his wife/family for weeks, months, years sometimes, the job ended, or he got fired, or the new crop of migrants from out of state would work cheaper.

...Of course many times the money would stop coming back to her, and he'd disappear after he found someone local, or she'd find someone local and have 2,3,7 marriage certificates to 0-3 divorce certificates but that's another thread.


In many cases men "over concentrate on their work" as a means of escaping problems in the relationship. Avoiding having to learn to communicate, avoid intimacy, avoid facing changes, avoid confrontation, whatever.
So there may have been a lot of problems that would have ended the relationship, but the guy was never around to face them, so the only thing a woman would be able to say would be "well, he over concentrated at work, and that killed the relationship!"

Of course some guys just try to do the formulaic life "cats in the cradle" life. "I went to school, now it's time for a job. I got a job, so now it's time to build a family. Okay, I got a family...uh, now what am I supposed to do? I have no idea, I'll just concentrate on work. It makes money. Keeps the family fed, gives me something to do, everyone likes money."
Their relationship is just part of the formula, not valued for what it is, only as a means to measure where they "should" be in life.

Dears..I hope everyone is doing good.I am a chartered accountant working in an audit firm .I don’t have any friends here and it is getting boredom.

So I am here to make good friends and spend quality time with them.
If anyone interested please PM me