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| Topic: When do you stop doing stuff.. for your ex | |
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I have been divorced @ 15 years and although my ex has done some pretty bad things to me(she has been diagnosed with mental issues)I don't hold grudges. I certainty don't voluntarily go there to help out unless I'm asked. As an example if her car breaks down and needs a lift, I'll help her out but these instances are rare and far between.
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When it's over, it's over. Just do some things that will benefit the child if you're co-parenting. But never for the ex
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never for the ex?
Seems a bit extreme. Some couples still have good relationships with their ex but just can't live together for various reasons. I think having a good relationship specially when kids are involved is a positive thing for the children to see. This of course would be the opposite in a case of an abusive relationship that would be detrimental to the children and yourself. |
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The minute I realized what a wanker he was;}
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When it's over, it's over. Just do some things that will benefit the child if you're co-parenting. But never for the ex what she said ^^^^^^^^^ |
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Immediately after we break up ..
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Let them eat cake ...but at least Marie Antoinette gave head 
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My ex is always asking for favors but says we aren't married anymore and he owes me nothing. Once we met at Wal-Mart for him to get our daughter for the weekend. He had just ask me for stamps. I asked him to help me pick out tires. He said he didn't have time. Forgot the stamps.
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My ex is always asking for favors but says we aren't married anymore and he owes me nothing. Once we met at Wal-Mart for him to get our daughter for the weekend. He had just ask me for stamps. I asked him to help me pick out tires. He said he didn't have time. Forgot the stamps.
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The minute he stops doing stuff for me. That shows me he's not really into me and it's all about him.
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If it helps you have peace of mind and heart, do what you feel is right.... Do not listen to what other people tell you, they do not live in your shoes..... Be happy, you will live longer..... Martha
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Edited by
Unknow
on
Wed 04/25/18 09:25 AM
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If there are no kids, sod her! Otherwise it's totally up to you but probably should relate to the children's ages and levels of independence. Children have chores that train them for adulthood and teach responsibility/independence. So the need for you to help out should lessen in accordance to their ages. Its admirable that you'd choose to do as much as you do. The attitude of your friends illustrate what most would opt to do.
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Edited by
Zuglo65
on
Thu 04/26/18 04:14 AM
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Not a clear-cut question I suppose for each break up it's different.... I would imagine if you split up on bad terms you stop doing for each other .. immediately.. But for others that's not the case.. Take myself for instance.. I still go over and cut the grass and shovel the snow and occasionally will clean my exes house for her.. even cook the occasional meal for her.. and our boys.. I do it to help out.. to help lighten her load to make life a little easier...but Some of my friends think this is odd most all of my divorced friends think I'm crazy.. I don't think it's odd our crazy ..I just think it's my way of helping out... but I find myself sometimes feeling guilty if I don't feel like going over to do these things for her... or I struggle with not going.. over to help out a little.... I think to myself !..nobody cleans my house nobody cuts my grass I do this stuff myself... but then I feel guilty for even thinking such a thought... I feel ashamed for not wanting to help her out... even if it is just too do the dishes for her so it's one less thing to do with when she gets home from work... now I don't do this all the time of course.. but on occasion I do..... I was just wondering is there a time a point in time when you just stop doing these things for your ex.. and become okay with it... look after your own life so to speak... and is there anyone else out there that feels the same way... you still do things for your ex but wonder if you should be doing these things at all..? While I think it's admirable that you still go over to your ex's house & do things for her seeing you have kids together, the degree to which you help out ie cleaning her house makes me think that you're not over her yet & that perhaps subconsciously you think that by doing these things for her the two of you might get back together again. - Just a thought. I would never go over my ex's house & clean it for him even if we had kids & joint custody -I think that you are being way too nice, but that's just my opinion. I agree. Me and my ex are in good terms. But I wouldn't do all that for her. And just have to wonder why do you feel guilty if you don't feel like doing it? |
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Everyone is different and it takes time to break away from the routine of how things used to be- just because the divorce is final doesn't mean those routine habits cease immediately. However, you're harming her and your journey into moving on and any future relationship you or she may encounter, because someone interested in you or her isn't going to put up with it. Time to search yourself and ask if that divorce was what you really wanted? Or do you really want to move on?
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