Often people use the phrase "Thats just who I am" or conversely, "Thats just not who I am"

My questions are: 1. Do we have a choice in 'who we are'?

2. If so, should we aim to make 'who we are' into 'who we will always be'?

3.If so, aren't we supporting a stagnate life without growth?


I always hear 'just who I am' as a defeatist copout of sorts, implying we play no parts and have no choices in our own , lets say, conditioning.

1. Do we have a choice in 'who we are'?
Certainly

2. If so, should we aim to make 'who we are' into 'who we will always be'?
Certainly not

3.If so, aren't we supporting a stagnate life without growth?
A stagnant life without growth (change) is impossible, not improbable, Impossible.
Entropy is change. Even someone in a brain dead coma is continuing to change.

A Personality/Ego is in a constant state of change because the stimuli that shapes them is in a constant state of change.
There are times when we think we do not change but the reality is that we change every second of everyday as we move thru time. Some people try to preserve the past but all they do is make the present fit their selective impressions of what the past is to them. Which in definition is a lot more work than just embracing the present.

WOW. Don't forget this to

Really deep words. May I have your permission to repost them for my friends on another platform, with credit to you of course?
We have a common saying in this part of the world: change is the only constant thing in life & change for the better is always appealing.
I always ask myself whose standards am I trying to live up to. Other people may see the need for me to improve on myself but I just might be comfy with who I am.
In my opinion, who we are is a product of our experiences. We have a choice to use these experiences negatively or positively.
It is defeatist to say ' that's just who I am' particularly when who you are is a poor reflection of what an ideal society should be.
Some folks just don't want to put in any effort at being better or nicer humans.

Certainly, and I don't need any recognition.

Its also important to note that there are some people that don't know how to be a better person. For them, it isn't a question of effort. They understand no other way. People are all different.

I try to just accept people as they are. If I can provide enlightenment or a new view, Its always up to them to accept or reject. I try to stand beside others, not above. Sometimes all people need is a lil encouragement.

I try to just accept people as they are. If I can provide enlightenment or a new view, Its always up to them to accept or reject. I try to stand beside others, not above. Sometimes all people need is a lil encouragement.

very nice, up to the point where you said "particularly when who you are is a poor reflection of what an ideal society should be."
Everyone's perception is a little different, or a lot different... A muslims ideal society differs from a non muslims view, just like an atheist would be different from all religious peoples views... So who is to say your idea of an ideal society is better than anyone elses? ( I don't mean you personally, it's meant for whoever reads it)... Society is a blend of lots of individuals whos thought processes are not the same, so an ideal society will never work, but we can get closer to it by a little understanding and a lot of patience...

I agree with u but personally I don't approve religious values or the lack of being the yardstick for our moral standards as humans but that's just me & as Tom stated earlier, some just don't know how to be better because we are all different and/or were raised differently.

1. Yes. I would even say, we have to take the choice, and use it to achieve happiness.

2. No, because times are changing all the time, so we have to adapt to it.

3. Stagnation means boredom, and boredom can be worse than pain

that's my point, I don't believe in religion aspects of life, but a lot of people do... That makes it harder for me to live around those peoples, but I still accept them, as long as it doesn't bother me to much...we all have the right to live how we choose, but there are those who think we all have to think like them... As simple minded as I am, why can't others understand that as well?

I ask myself the same question each time my moral compass starts moving
then I remember that it's just to be the best I can be.

I often feel the same.
I've learned to allow others to have their delusions.
For the most part.

There are fanatics that will hurt people, kill people, because of their delusions. Most of those fanatics are religious fanatics.
Those are the ones that scare me. Like trying to deal with someone that is insane. The difference is that it is a group insanity and hoards are dangerous.

For the most part, a person's delusions of right and wrong will not be a problem. I can allow, even support a person that needs their delusions to find contentment in life. I have one son that is very religious. My sister is very religious. They allow me to have my own delusions and I allow them the same. We learn things from each other. Its a willful acceptance, not forced. We don't align in every aspect of right and wrong but we do align on some.

Not really.
We do have a choice in how we perceive ourselves and limited control over how other people see us depending on the relationship we have with the other person/people.

People tend to try to choose a consistent stable personality.
It causes less freakout and ostracizing by other people if you can provide them a stable personality to interact with as part of a group.
Stability and security provide stability safety and security to the group, so the group doesn't kick you out, shun, or avoid you.

You'll find people will espouse their virtue and how they're peaceful, non hate filled, non violent, altruistic, love monkeys.
But throw them in an ocean and when they start to drown they'll (maybe only nearly) kill the rescue diver as they try to claw for air.
Trap them in the Andes, they'll try to kill and eat the other.
Stick them in the desert with a bottle of ocean water, they'll end up trying to kill each other for the bottle of water that will kill them.

Depends on the extreme nature of the stimuli, and the depth of the conditioning/fear.

People spend their entire lives building facades for the sake of social upkeep and survival in a group environment.
Extreme conditions tend to shatter them.
You have limited choice in which facade you wish to present, and you get choice in risk management to avoid extreme situations that would shatter your facades. Still, shyt happens.


Sure. Why not. Better than no aim whatsoever. Unless you're Forrest Gump. In reality Forrest Gump would most likely have died as a kid.


Kind of a bad question.
There's no such thing as a life without change.
Whether or not you want to characterize "change" as "growth" is up to you making a judgment call based mostly on how you want to perceive yourself or how you want others to perceive you.


Are you sure that isn't just what you want to hear or judge it as?
Maybe they're just presenting you factual information at the moment of their perception of themselves.
If you left them then came back in 10 years they might say "that's who I was...I realized something when..."


Or simply identifying they have no means or desire for immediate change, and/or desire to immediately change for the sake of pleasing you/others.

IME many times when there's a response of "just who I am" there was a preceding statement loaded with some sort of judgment or demand.
"Have you always been that way? Is that what you really believe? Why do you keep doing that? I can't believe you did that!"
There are inherent judgments.

When people are faced with judgments they either entrench themselves in their position (in this case their identity at the moment), or they attack something; "No, that's not what I meant, you misunderstood! What about you! Other people do it!"

Of course it could also be a part of social manipulation. Trying to get something from you. "That's who I am...so feel sorry for me, and give me victim status," or, "that's who I am...so see me as being honest with you, therefore trustworthy, stable and consistent, which are good traits, see me and judge me as good..."


We have very little say in our "conditioning."
Your senses and brain work 24/7 365 to absorb and process all available information. Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, whatever.
Can you consciously focus on pheromones being released? Can you consciously focus on subtle shifts in body language like pupil dilation or increase in their pulse via their neck vein? Can you decide to not feel hungry?
If I say elephant can you force yourself to forget what an elephant is, what color it is, that it has a trunk? Can you state the exact date and time you were first exposed to what an elephant is?

Multitasking is a myth. When you focus on one thing, there are a million other things going on that have an effect on you, all on different levels. You have limited focus.

Your personality, that thing you think is "who you are" is just an immediate decision making aspect.

Your personality is the captain of the ship of your body, the brain is the shadowy manipulative government and country that supports the captain.

You ever read on the forums about people "valuing" something in their past because it taught them something of value?
No matter what happens in your past you can "learn" something from it.
And you do "learn" from it. You can't help but do so.
You can learn millions of things from it.
You do learn multiple things from an event.
What you choose to consciously focus on is mostly to stroke your own ego.
You can choose to focus on one "valuable lesson," meanwhile you're overlooking many others. Or you can focus on them "doing you wrong" or whatever and use that as vindication for something else you want to believe.

Choice is mostly illusion.
You get decisions and consequences and neither are absolutely compartmentalized, separately from each other, nor absolutely under your control.
There is no "growth" there is only change.
All change has both positive and negative benefits.
Change effects too many variables for the individual to focus on or control.

Put another way, it's extremely significant to understand and believe that man was created by and adapted to the universe according only to the minimum man needed to survive and perpetuate better than the next organism.
The universe was not tailor made for the senses and sensibilities (the pleasure and comfort) of man.

Hello!

How we are is something always open. Yes, there ares the basic's of ho we are; like owe upbringing, the way life itself shape owe perception of our and won-self. It's coming through sensitivity, that filters on not. We are not completely in control but we are responsible to assume our choices and mistakes. « That's ho i am» can be an affirmation of something usually suspect by others, especially our pears, and community, as being untrue. I am changing: but as i go along i see that there ares somethings that i not comfortable whit, that i dont like to be part of, or simply doing. And yes, it's difficult to say «i am», since there ares so many codes, so many that are insidious, that we feel the need to say «i» in an affirmative way, sometimes, because we get tired of explaining yourself to others, as if we needed to justifie yourself to others. The more you feel that you need to explain, the less you feel like doing it. It's a « take me as i am » , statement: yet, usually it is taken as a way of ex-capping, or being stuck in the way we are. It's partially true: but it say more on the person ho judge! It means, most of the time, that they dont take people as they are. They push there insecurity on the other won. For myself, i change, i will change, i am open to change, but if you push: it's just the way i am!

Some things I do agree with, others I don't.
What is understated is that we posess the ability to choose, the ability to enact change within ourselves and how we present ourselves to others.
In that sense, we do have the ability to be 'who we are'.
More importantly, we have the capacity to change who we are, not only to ourselves but to others.
Personalities are always in flux. They constantly adapt, change according to the stimuli we experience. I know I am not the same person I was yesterday.
It is our ability to adapt that sets us apart.

Thanx for participating.
Tho I have difficulty with reading the translation I do believe you are pretty much spot on.
When we try to adapt to the expectation of others we often find conflict in ourselves.
"Its just who I am" or "Its just the way I am" is a way to tell others that we live according to our own definitions of life.
Its like saying please just accept me as I am.

Consider, for a moment, that we live life according to our own view.
Nobody else can look at what you seen, experienced, but you.
There is no greater authority on your life, than you.
So, when others try to change you to fit their idea of who you should be, "I am who I am" is the only logical answer.