The Top 5 Warning Signs of an Emotional Abusive Relationship
By Katy Berezny
Published Jun 12, 2007

First of all, I am simply sharing this to help others. This is not to put anyone down or to hurt anyone. Some people need help and I hope that they can find the help they need before it is too late.

#5 - Insecurity
Your partner is very insecure because of a previous relationship or maybe as a child growing up. Lack of attention or negative attention can lead to insecurity. If your new partner shows signs of insecurity, let it be a warning sign.

Some signs may include:
-low self esteem or not sure of them self
-talk as if they are not worthy

With these characteristics, the abuser will use them to belittle you to get you to their level. Although it is sad for them, don't allow them to put you through that. You are worthy.

#4 - Controlling
Your partner may not allow you to interact with other people. Sometimes not even family members or friends. They want you all to them self. It kind of feels like being in a trap or cage. It is especially hard if you are outgoing and love people. There are other ways to control you as well.

With emotional abuse the control is in the mind and your feelings. The abuser will cut you down or belittle you. I have found that they tend to shift the blame on you or want you to feel sorry for them.

#3 - Selfishness
They lack the attention they really desire to have because they are already insecure, so they are always worried about themselves, alone. They want to know what is in it for them, no matter what. They will tell you things to make you feel good as long as they get what they want out of it.

Even when it comes to your feelings or emotions, they will not comfort you in anyway. This can cause you to become either hard or just break. It is not fun. I have expressed in a previous article that women need that emotional security. It is one thing not to get it and a whole other thing to have your emotions destroyed.

#2 - Manipulation
The abuser tends to make you feel that it is all your fault. They can't seem to come to terms that they are the one causing the pain. They shift blame and they don't want to understand you. They make you feel inferior. They like to play mind games as well. That is also part of control.
Some forms of manipulation include:
-lack of communication
-cold shoulder/no eye contact

They tend to shut down which is a form of manipulation and control. I know you have heard it said that communication is key in a relationship. YES it is, very much so.

#1 - Anger and Violence
The abuser will yell out in anger. They can 'turn on a dime' with mood swings. It doesn't become physical abuse until they hit or hurt you in any way. Well it is emotional and psychological abuse when they do it to them self.

Some signs of anger and violence:
-they harm them self
-break things or throw them

This form of abuse often goes unnoticed but for those who suffer, it is very noticeable. You may not see scars on the body, but there are some on the heart and mind. This is a silent abuse, that harms your inner being. Don't feel trapped because there is a way out.

If you are someone who suffers from this kind of abuse, do not hesitate to leave as soon as possible. You are not alone. To stay in this kind of relationship can cause you deep depression, emotional pain, seclusion and even a trip to the psychiatric ward. Please get help.

If you think about it, the classic "nice guy" has all of the above characteristics.

Wow, good post Dragoness. I can really relate some of those to a former partner and relationship.

Great posting and very important, too! Some control freaks do end up killing their spouse/estranged spouse/girlfriend when the person tries to get away.

I'm not entirely sure I know which "nice guy" stereotype you're thinking of ChiefPUA, but I think that you're incorrect. Let us just suppose that I am a nice guy.

I'll cop to insecurity. I have some self-esteem and self-image issues, some of which steams from past relationships.

None of the others really apply, though.
Controlling -- I've been accused in the past of being TOO trusting and unconcerned with my partner's behaviour. She actually admitted to me later that she was kind of offended by how easily I agreed to let her continue dancing even when I wanted to sit out a few songs.
Selfishness -- Nothing could be further from the truth. Serving other people, especially my romantic partner, is very fulfilling. I'm emotionally supportive and an eager listener. In fact, being insecure makes me ashamed of even nominally selfish behaviour. If somebody suggests I've behaved selfishly, I'm likely to go overboard trying to apologize.
Manipulation -- I can only assume that this refers to the classic, "Why do girls fall for bad boys?" rant. I'll acknowledge that as an observational fact, women DO fall for bad boys, but I don't blame anybody else for it. That would be hypocritical. Those choices reflect a strong preference that I am somehow failing to fulfill.
Anger and Violence -- Almost never. I DO have an explosive temper, but I have a long fuse and years of practice at calming myself down. I hate myself when I'm angry, so I try not to go there.

I just left one of these guys after twelve years of putting up with it. This article could have been written specifically about my ex. My advice to anyone: if you encounter one of these men, RUN! Not tomorrow or the next day--immediately! I wasted too much of my life in this situation and my heart aches for anyone who ever has to go through it.

I don't know about all of that. if you need help it's up to you too help yourself no one can help you but yourself.And if you don't feel good about yourself.how can you feel good about someone you care about.And all I can say about that is it's all up too you to help yourself.Life is about loving yourself to make thing go good with the ones that you love so much And if they don't see the truth about them self.you must move on with lifewe'll let it be..

YAY!!!!! good stuff

I admit it can be very hard to see what I'm talking about for the most part, so let me try to explain my platform here:

The insecurity is a given. Most of us know that nice guys are insecure.

Controlling, Selfishness, and Manipulation: The classic nice guy buys nice things for women and does nice things for women with a hidden agenda that's so well-hidden that it becomes easy to self-delude. This hidden agenda is the mindset of "I've been told that women like nice guys, and I want women to like me and have sex with me so logically I must become a nice guy." He's TRYING to control and manipulate the woman into sex with kindness for selfish reasons. Nice guys even oftentimes fall into the trap of believing in their own lies, thinking theyve become a "better person" when in reality they are becoming more prone to dishonesty and becomming more rotten on the inside.

Anger and Violence: Take a poll of men who consider themselves "nice guys" and ask all of them if they play video games, and what kind of video games they play. These video games tend to be of the most violent nature. Nice guys suppress a lot of rage within them out of sexual frustration and can actually become real threats to society.

Just be careful with this mentality. It stands to reason that some nice guys really are genuine. Unfortunately, anybody claiming to be genuine might still just be a self-deluded sucker. This is the sort of thing where you can only know somebody's true nature by observing their actions and comparing what they do to what they say.

very true