Dear Santa,

You must be surprised that I am writing to you today, the 26th December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occured since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you. There was no one in my entire neighbourhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, sisters and friends, and with my neighbours. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly across the street.
There was virtually nothing beyond reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls you have leaving me a f*cking yo yo, a lame whistle and a pair of ugly socks. What the f*ck were you thinking, you fat pr*ck that you've taken me for a sucker the whole f*cking year to come out with some sh1t like this under the tree. As if you hadn't f*cked me enough, you gave that little quiff across the street so many toys that he can't walk into his house. Don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll f*ck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer, and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the f*cking North Pole. Just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that f*cking bike.
F*CK YOU SANTA: Next year you'll find out how bad I can be. You FAT C*CKSUCKER.

Sincerely,

Little Johnny.

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

thats on funnyjunk.com too