In a relationship there are lots of misunderstanding but those look easy to overlook. The main problem comes when there seems to have incompatibility. I have seen people just give up and go apart rather than work or adapt. Everyone wants to live a dreamy life and no one wants to work for happiness. It is so easy to find faults and give up on a relationship rather than try to work

Maybe such things happen cause it is easier to find a new relationship than to mend a broken one ...

thats the prevailing attitude today ....most relationships never

get to the point where they are secure in knowing the relationship will

withstand the normal ups

and downs.....what a waste of lives..... and most never see there part so

they take the junk to the next relationship........because its so hard to give

up old beliefs and favorite feelings.....

o.k. what most do not understand nor believe is ''attraction is not a choice''

because its a ''unconscious emotional choice''....that's why you get all the

misunderstandings and different reasons why......the only way to really fix it

is by our own soul searching and learn the parts we played .......

Hey Jimmy

It depends on what kind of compatabilty you are referring to.

There are some incompatabilities that can be worked around eg habits, certain types of decision making, hobbies , to name a few. And I am deeply convicted as you are that people give up on working /compromising on those things way too easily.

But there are some incompatabilities where a compromise would make us feel. like imposters in our own bodies, or in our lives or like only a fraction of our authentic selves.
I really dont think that things like that can't be worked around .

I am referring to things that define the core of who we are like our value system, our life goals/focus , and even certain parts of our lifestyle that we would feel lost without if they were removed.

In my opinion, incompatabilities like those need to be addressed honestly ,with a mutual decision to part ways because it only leads to misery and enemity alot of the times.

Contrary to popular belief, love does not always conquer all.

Just to make it clear, I only leave a committed relationship, if I've tried absolutely everything in my might, to fix it. I never think that it's better to just leave, without trying to save it first. It hits me hard, if I leave a man. Really hard.

Well I saw the attitude of people towards relationship and post this thread. It is really strange to see that few days back, you are head over heels for this person and today you can't stand them.

Isn't love enough to overlook all other issues?
Isn't love the strength to fight any odds and make the relation work?

It's very likely that the people you are referring to are in lust with their partners or maybe infatuated with them, Thats why there is no real effort involved

There is a HUGE difference between being excited and happy that you have met someone and actually feeling like you could love them, do love them even superficially, and DO love them in a lasting a lifetime way.

I am with I think Peggy who said it has a lot to do with weather it is a flexible interest of a care value that a person is exposing to you.

I could be very into someone and then find out that one of their core values is op positional to how I really feel is and absolute and whatever initial attraction would wither really fast.

I feel the topic is not self explanatory so let me be more specific. This related to my very close friends, they have been dating or in the relationship for almost 4 years now and suddenly they say that there is nothing common between them and want to go apart. Once they were a perfect example of real love and now it is just nothing there. It took 4 years for them to understand that there is nothing common between them, I feel it is insane and they are running because it is the easiest way to go with nowadays. It feels sad

What are you talking about?

They just worked for 4 years.

Are you under the impression that they were in perfect mindless bliss for 4 years completely unaware of anything but the heady joys of some kind of constant high, no arguments, no discovery, no learning to communicate, no personal interaction that they didn't share with their friends?

Do you think relationships are like cars where they just go along as absolutes until that one little teensy tiny seemingly meaningless part magically breaks for no apparent reason, and if they just "work" on fixing that one little teeny tiny absolute part they can just get back in and drive off and it's like nothing happened at all and they can just take it for granted and enjoy their road trip?


I would agree if the story was more like "they were FWB for a month, they acted exactly like bf/gf, then one got scared of how deeply they were feeling, and called it off or just disappeared with no explanation."

But it's not.
They tried.
For 4 years.


Be careful of idols.
In many cases they are simply putting forth a facade in order to get you to believe it.
Trojan horse, the wizard of oz, act 10 times more in public, but behind the curtain it's nothing but drama.

Sometimes they need others to believe something to give them strength to continue in something they know/feel isn't true.

Sometimes external worshiping keeps them people in a relationship.
"Oh you guys are so great together! Oh you're so in love! Oh you are the perfect example of real love!"

That's a lot of responsibility to uphold for friends.
That's external pressure.
That is building expectations that people try to live up to.

If you want to see examples of "real love," look for people that start thinking the same way where before they didn't, having similar thought processes, dressing in similar fashion, and go everywhere together not so they can be together but because apart just doesn't make any kind of rational sense.

The romantic stuff? Handholding, kissy PDA, can't touch each other enough, talking about how happy they are, when they are around others? That's generally just an extension of lust.
People in "real love" know they are in love, they don't have to show they are in love, except when it's intimate and purposeful to them.
They don't wallow in it.
People that cling to each other in public do so because they are threatened, not because they are in love.


Only during the lust phase, and it's not really "love" so much as certain chemicals.
That's part of their purpose.
To get you to overlook all that silly stuff while it's making you feel real good.
And while you're pursuing pleasure your subconscious and biochemistry is working on forming more permanent bonds so when that drug wears off you stick around and raise any kids that came from that lust phase.

Love isn't like a touch from (a) god that turn's you into a magic love crusader who is pure of heart, deed, and motive, completely transformed forever.


No.
That's character, personality, fear, ties, emotional association, and all sorts of ancillary social things.

At best "love" is the process that forces you to associate someone closely to your own personal identity, which you will defend and keep from changing as much as possible.

Love doesn't give you any strength.
It just creates something for which to use what strength you have to protect.

I surely disagree on this note. Giving Up Is Not So Easy. It Ripped My Heart and Crushed my inner being. A relationship that becomes unhealthy and irrepairable because of the damages done, could never be restored again.

Reality and Truth of Life Hurts but we have to accept it and move on. If the damage done was light and it could still be saved, why not, but if it has destroyed the very core of your being and your moral standards, I don’t think so it could still be repaired.

How many times should I forgive my husband every time he cheats on me just so because I want to save a marriage? A relationship would really depend if two people have that great love for each other that they will surpass all trials and hardships. But the question is if one or both don’t put much effort on saving it then it only means either the man or the woman has already fallen out of love, so, hurting as it is, Let It Go….Let him or her find the happiness that he/she wants or needs and Move On.

Life is not a Bed of Roses; that is a fact. As we face our life’s challenges, we mature from it as well so we may know how to deal with it as adults.

You don't know the inner workings of people's relationships Jimmy. You don't know what the foundation of their love is built on.

Two houses can be built at the same time, with the same materials and look the same when completed, but if one is built on sand and one is built on solid ground, which one has a greater chance of weathering the inevitable storms of life?

I have a friend who has been with his gf for 4 years. They are true partners and love each other deeply. But what most people don't know is that both he and her have realised that they want incompatible things out of life .

My friend told me that they both know that their relationship will end, but neither of them have the strength to let go. They are both anticipating their relationship to die of natural causes, and have just committed themselves to enjoying each other for as long as they can manage.

When they eventually break up, everyone will be shocked because on the surface , they looked like the perfect partnership.

Translation: Two people can genuinely love each other, but not be the right fit for each other. And if that is the case , a permanant harmonious union is not probable.

I have yet to know anyone that did not give it all they have before walking away..

Myself if you have tried all you can it is never easy to walk away regardless who does the walking.. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.. And had nothing to do over some small issue..

Everyone is different it would be nice if there really was a easy solutions for relationships to work.. But it is not that easy nor is it over some small incompatibility.

Ciretom... u have good ideas and opinions. wow

Everyone wants that kind of love and relationship that our grandparents had. We are in an age, however, where we simply dispose of things that need fixed and replace them. our grandparents repaired the things that were valuable to them. they didn't simply run to the local walmart to buy a replacement. our grandparents had spats and speed bumps just like we do, but they kept them private and worked through them. I was raised by my grandparents and they taught me that those bumps in the road aren't meant to tear you apart, they are meant to make you a stronger couple by working through them together

at the root of love and hate are passion,,,

if passion is there, and one has been pained or hurt,,the label of 'love' that passion is given can be easily switched with the label of 'hate'

thus the saying 'thin line between love and hate'


its really just deep pain, but its easier to deal with as 'hatred' because that puts us in control instead of vulnerable


just my opinion though

real and true love never does die,, people deal with it differently when it doesn't materialize the way they pictured it

I respect the opinions given by you guys and agree with most of them. Yes going apart in case of cheating or hurting makes sense but just saying that the flame is gone as a reason to separate doesn't hit me as a valid reason. Understanding each other and discussing the issues make the life so easier but not trying anything and just going apart for foolish reasons like this just makes me feel that they were searching for the first easy exit they got. Easy way out is not a mark of good relationship and sorry to say the people involve in it

But there's also no point in sitting these people in a room together, having awkward silences, if they don't want to work it out. It's a numbers game. There's a 50/50 outcome. What if they come back out of the room still not talking to each other?

I blame Hillary. Trump 2016.

Hi Jimmy...

I have to disagree with you in a sense... I believe that it isn't easy to give up and move on. Sometimes that is the hardest decision a couple can make. In my experience when in a relationship before moving on all options have to be exhausted. Then after careful considerations we the couple love each other enough to wish each other well and mean it. Sometimes somethings can't be breached or fixed.

Yes I do agree some people can do the move on thing easily, I personally don't agree with it.