How have your IDEALS of a "perfect" relationship changed since your last significant romance or have they?

Care to share?

no

I still think the perfect relationship involves loyalty, honesty, friendship , and communication

if those things truly exist,,,for me,, its perfect

It would be perfect. Thank you

It would be nice to find someone to travel with, every now and then. Not to expensive places. Just hotel stays would do. I prefer B&B's. Sometimes it's nice to just get away from all of the chaos.

Sounds good

A perfect relationship for me is one where he and I share campatible goals, values and lifestyles, and where we share that elusive combo of passionate lover and best friend.

That is what dreams are made of and we all wish for someday

Not much since the "last" significant romance.

But mostly I dumped the "IDEALS" of a "perfect relationship."

That leads to too much focus on how a relationship isn't living up to a perfect relationship, or what needs to change to get to a perfect relationship, rather than focusing on the other person as an individual person, seeing what they are actually capable of.

Attraction opens the door, personality keeps you inside, and you have to explore, what's behind the door you opened, together.
"IDEALS of a 'perfect' relationship," IMO, tend to force you to try and create the room you want to walk into, and/or automatically create a hurdle of disappointment you have to get over when it's not what you thought you wanted, rather than focus on the room that actually exists or could exist based on both of you changing it together as you get to know what each are capable of.


e.g.

The more subjective the ideals, the more it's going to only be relevant to the person subjectively defining them.
Which means the more they are going to pay attention when the other person can't magically live up to the unknown subjective parameters defining the term.

Loyalty to what, the other person, the relationship, the family, the kids over the other parent, simply to the relationship ideals?
Loyalty is not an absolute where it's either there or not.

Honesty, so as long as they are honest about discretely banging other people, and come home every night to be "loyal" in upholding the relationship, then you'd stay in that relationship because "technically" they are living up to the desired perfect relationship ideals?
And good luck if you are using it as an absolute.
"Um, no honey, I didn't eat donuts at work, I swear I'm committed to the diet we agreed to."
"Liar! You are not honest! Get out. Get OUT. GET OOOOOOUT you filthy unclean dishonest liar!"

Friendship, is a vague and subjective term. It includes any type of relationship greater than "stranger."
People introduce their birth mother, who they tracked down after 30 years, as their "friend" just to avoid the whole birth mother explanation.
People call others "friend" and will leave off the "with benefits" even though that's what it is.
"Friendship" is a meaningless term by itself without knowing the expectations and behaviors that define the relationship.
Good luck finding someone with the exact same definition of friendship, with the exact same tolerances, parameters, expectations, and ability to live up to/enforce them when necessary.

Communication is an ongoing process.
There's never going to be a time where your communication is "handled" and you can just take it for granted.
It's always and forever changing forcing you to learn and adapt.
So it's not going to be there, or not there, as an absolute.
Which means you have a subjective communication ability, that meshes well with certain other people and their subjective communication ability.
So when you hold "communication" as a relationship ideal, all you can really focus on is how it's not living up to the desired ideal, forcing you to ignore any improvements as well as detraction's over time, not paying attention to how they actually communicate, only that they didn't communicate a certain way.


But I live in a state where only something like 38% of the residents were actually born here.
Perfect relationship ideals are useful for people that come from very small communities, among children that were raised the exact same way, with the same ideals in general.

But in a global society? In a culture/society that migrates?
When you date people you've had absolutely no interaction with before?
They are mostly working against you, IMO.

I disagree about friendship

friendship involves trust and loyalty,,, you can be more than strangers and still not have developed that with the other person

like acquaintances, or colleagues


but yes , just about every adjective is going to involve subjectivity to that persons experiences and values

No they haven't changed all that much. I still want the same thing I did when I was young. I have to have the person I am with be my best friend, We have to have common goals and ideals and yet be far enough apart on the spectrum to be interesting.

I have to have a blending and yes be free enough to fly and soar as an individual.
I look for ethic's, integrity, humour,honour, imagination, if they think they are entitled to something without working for it that is a huge turn off.
And let's be honest we have to be compatible sexually.

"Perfect Nah... I prefer to believe two imperfect people doing the best they can to make what works for them to make the perfect relationship.

I sure cannot argue with you on the above.

couples imperfect have the ability to grow together into what they both desire

I have seemed to widen my eyes open even more, listen with more intent, and have a silent check off list in my head. If they screw up or say something a little too colorful...well that's one!...and so on..
it's basically a test that have to pass in order to keep me in their company. period. I have risen my standards as I get older. No more settling for this chick-a-dee!

Absolutely has to be the same desire.

My marriage ended in 2007. My ex-wife and I had been together for 15 years (including six years of dating). So when she and I ended, I considered that the close on that chapter of my life. I don't regret it at all, because I chose that path. The pain of it ending (and the reasons why it did) took time (that's natural) for me to mover onward from. And since that time I have been in three relationships....each one teaching me something different. Through all this, my ideals have not changed. What has changed is the fact that being single no longer scares me at all. Do I want to be in a marriage or a loving long term relationship? Of course.......but I can enjoy life until that happens.

I was so young the first time around
we were very much in love and though I am capable and tempted to pick it apart now with my analytical mind I do not


I know that we were ga-ga for each other in the beginning
that we were so excited to be man and wife
to furnish that first little apartment
to become brand new parents

life just harder as we went along
spent too much damn time apart

and ...he got more controlling
as I wanted to spread my wings and grow

I could not stay that young and sweet little stay at home wife/mother forever..

there are some men who get intimidated by a strong woman
that instead of being proud of her, supporting her in her dreams

he sabotages, he digs in and resents her out of his own insecurity as a man

took me a full two years to recover from walking away
from my vows that I had promised myself I would never do


what did I learn from that..ahhh
to never lose myself, give up my own dreams, my own ambitions, my own goals

to keep someone else happy

I think all our standards rise as we get older and wiser

Everyone is looking for the same thing really but all go about it in their own comfortable way

You have a wonderful outlook. Never loose it.