Towards the end of the golf course, Larry hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden ... POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.

"Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. ... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!!!"

Then POOF! .. she was gone!

After Larry recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Henry, where are you?"

Henry yells back "I'm over here in the ***** willows."

Larry shouts back, "DON'T SWING, HENRY; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!"

While walking through the Boulder Colorado woods a
man came upon another man hugging a tree with his
ear firmly against the tree.Seeing this he inquired,
"Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you
doing?""I'm listening to the music of the tree," the
other man replied."You gotta be kiddin' me.""No,
would you like to give it a try?"Understandably
curious, the man says, "Well, OK" ...So he wrapped
his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up
against it. With this the other guy slapped a pair
of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car
keys, then stripped him naked and left.Two hours
later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy
handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What
the hell happened to you?"He told the guy the whole
terrible story about how he got there.When he
finished telling his story, the other guy shook head
in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him
gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't
gonna be your day, is it cupcake?"

The Tequila Test.

Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"

Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money.."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it in to th e jar."OK," the bartender says. "Here's what you need to do:

First, you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second, There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third. - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. Yo u've g otta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot, I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat tequila?"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.

They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then silence.

< B>Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says. "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big boobs."

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an
endless wait in the LAX airport.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the
California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my
husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was
born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy
for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who
gives a ****?" I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?"

those are funny.

Good jokes

Laughter!!! Wonderful!