what do you give a blonde who has everything????

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

penicillin...

A pimp.

a mormon????

had this jacked up 4x4 & was out on a date one afternoon. Parked in a field in a hill. Things were gettin' kinda hot & heavy. Didn.t want anyone 2 see us so we deciided under the truck was a good place... As luck would have it while get into a good groove I glanced over & saw some shiny shoes. Tep you guesed it Mr. Lawman..... He said clearin' his throat. "what yall doin' down there?" Man I new I had to think of sumtin pretty quick, so I replied "uh checkin' the transmission" He replies back "well ya better check your brakes too , your truck is at the bottom of the hill".........

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

funny stuff laura & bg

Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.

man done most of that

I have many jokes....living in Maine I hear them daily

well darlin you are my special cohost 4 tnight....... while I do the $ thing........ don't let this die..... PEOPLE NEED HUMOR!!!!

ok Babe,
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.

lovin' it yall keep up the good work til' I get in tonight...

ok dear will make you proud

know you will

have fun & you & bg take care of the guest

OK Y'ALL
Listen up I need all the Redneck jokes you have
I'm co/hosting this show today and want to make sure it's a hit
If you think you got it step on up