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Topic: recently separated
lonleyguy916's photo
Wed 08/19/15 03:46 AM
I recently separated with my wife of 8 years . I did realize how hard it would be. Or how lonely I feel. I can't even sleep more than 2 hours in a row. Any advice I could really use it . Thanks

Ladywind7's photo
Wed 08/19/15 04:00 AM
Loosing a relationship is really stressful.
Forgiving the other person and yourself is paramount.
If sleep is that badly affected you need to go to the doc as anxiety increases with sleep deprivation.
I hope things get better for you with time.

no photo
Wed 08/19/15 04:01 AM

I recently separated with my wife of 8 years . I did realize how hard it would be. Or how lonely I feel. I can't even sleep more than 2 hours in a row. Any advice I could really use it . Thanks


Distract yourself...hobbies..travel..exercise..join a club or group..immerse yourself in work or a pet project..volunteer..etc..anything to keep yourself busy. flowerforyou

Annierooroo's photo
Wed 08/19/15 04:11 AM
Both above ideas are great
For me I took up boxing
this helped with me to get rid of any anger i had
I also looked at positive things even in the worse situations.
I had a very good friend that helped me through this time.
I did slip when I went to my sisters and got so drunk I crawled to bed. I can say it didn't solve anything but it did numb it for a night.
I don't recommend you to do it.

TMommy's photo
Wed 08/19/15 06:12 AM
I spent time with family
talked to a counselor
enrolled back in college
went to the gym
wrote a couple of novels worth in my journals
did a lot of soul searching

2bhappy4ever's photo
Thu 08/20/15 05:48 PM
Edited by 2bhappy4ever on Thu 08/20/15 05:50 PM

I recently separated with my wife of 8 years . I did realize how hard it would be. Or how lonely I feel. I can't even sleep more than 2 hours in a row. Any advice I could really use it . Thanks


Surround yourself with family and friends. This is VERY important. I called friends I hadn't talked to in years.

Consider Therapy

Join a gym or workout

Join groups (bowling, hiking, golfing). Try a meetup.com

join a divorce/separation group. Check your local churches.

Post on this forum.

Try doing something different. Yoga, Meditation, Art, whatever

Allow yourself to hurt. There is no way around but through.

Stay away from the alcohol. Yes I know it is tempting as I have done it too. It is hard sleeping in the same bed we slept in for 24 years.

Good luck bud.

Annierooroo's photo
Thu 08/20/15 06:42 PM
Allow yourself to go through a greaving stage because it is a death of a relationship. Just becareful how you do it.
All the best We are here if you need to talk

SitkaRains's photo
Thu 08/20/15 06:57 PM

I recently separated with my wife of 8 years . I did realize how hard it would be. Or how lonely I feel. I can't even sleep more than 2 hours in a row. Any advice I could really use it . Thanks

Going through a the stages of ending a relationship is so painful. You have to grieve and learn to be a one instead of part of a pair.
Sleepless nights, not eating, the weight of depression is tough.
You can decide to allow it to take you over or you can deal it and like others have suggested sometimes a counselor is a Godsend
Best wishes for you

MoTheBaker's photo
Sat 08/29/15 04:54 PM
The advice Pansytilly gave worked for me. You have to push the memories to the back of your mind and you do that by throwing yourself into something else. It does get easier with time and yes that is a clich�. If you deeply love someone those memories will stay with your forever and there may always be a part of you that looks back fondly at some of those memories, if that's the only love you have ever known, how can you not? Feeling sad, feeling miserable, depressed, all these are natural reactions. It doesn't make you any less of a man. It's normal.

tanyaann's photo
Sat 08/29/15 07:11 PM
See a therapist.

PacificStar48's photo
Sat 08/29/15 08:52 PM
I would say talk to your doctor and get a good referral for a confidential counselor because the things you will say now will come back to haunt you if you tell friends and family and for dang sure if you put them on line.

Keeping a journal that is constantly secured is a good way to let out negative feelings and chart your biggest concerns and even progress.

Keep in mind what you feel now will pass as you work through the grieving and healing process which are two different things. If you dive into over loading your brain you will just get stuck in denial and that is along and muddy river in your life just like it is in Egypt. It is ok to feel bad and unfocused for a while but rest is essential as is realizing emotional healing takes good self care like any other trauma.

Doesn't mean it has to be a 24/7 focus and it is probably healthy if you try to schedule in some "fun" and happy thoughts even if it is just reading a joke a day and spending an hour at a hobby.

My Number on advice is give your self a year to swear off alcohol/drugs and making any big purchases. "Retail therapy" will kill you for a lot longer than the divorce and you think life sucks being divorced try living it with a DUI or your visitation monitored because you say or do something really stupid under the influence.

I also recommend swearing off finding a romance for at least a year because the chance of a lousy rebound relationship in the first year is right around 99%.

2469nascar's photo
Tue 09/01/15 01:29 AM
go buy a corvette and start dating one of her friends,lol,just kdding,jump into a hobby,keep your mind busy,,

Annierooroo's photo
Tue 09/01/15 01:34 AM

go buy a corvette and start dating one of her friends,lol,just kdding,jump into a hobby,keep your mind busy,,



:laughing: :laughing:

The car is way more exciting and road trips.

jacktrades's photo
Tue 09/01/15 12:13 PM
Reward yourself, do the things you always wanted to do, even if its just sitting in your under ware and watching the game.Breakups are hard and very stressful, maybe take up the hobby that interests you and throw yourself into it like Nascar mentioned. Best wishes to you.

TMommy's photo
Tue 09/01/15 03:50 PM
let me tell ya what I told my ex husband last week when he signed papers on divorce number two

" you need to start making some goals for yourself that have nothing to do with having someone in your life to take care of you"

we had a discussion on things in his life he used to like to do but gave up this past couple years because she did not approve like golfing or skiing with his buddies and about going to see his kids and grand baby more and about thinking over things he might still want to accomplish

angelmine2015's photo
Sat 09/12/15 02:18 AM
Hard and painful. Don't blame her...even yourself. Pray.. And this is the time of healing.
Think of new things to do..pray for strength. Then go out..find new work. Go church. They exercise..make urself look good.
Never go to where u spent together.Put in ur mind. U r good can do all thing thru Jesus strengthen u.
Each day..pray. Live..go on. See how sun shine. How God give u a healthy body...
After a busy month...then u realize.. God has better plans.. There r peole that cares for u...more than u think.
Believe it..coz I been there..always.. But now with prayers.. I can smile and thank God for the people I have now.
Don't hang on from people the no longer with u.. It will bring u down. Focus up, on God that blessed u. Then He give u what u deserve on the right time.

no photo
Sat 09/12/15 04:41 AM
Failed relationship such as break up, separation or divorce always leave us broken, hurt and in pain. It's normal that we undergo through withdrawals such as loneliness, depression, sadness or miseries . These are only temporary, don't you worry, have faith, hope and trust in God, everything's gonna be alright.

Don't ever blame yourself for what happened....take time to meditate and realize your mistakes and accept it. Where did you go wrong and what went wrong? Make plans to work on it and make yourself a better person, for growth and improvement. Find a distraction/outlet/diversion to keep your mind away from the memories of the past, not totally forgetting the person who had been a special part of your life but to help yourself recover and be happy again. You can't live your life in miseries for the rest of your life because of what happened. Start anew, surround yourself with people who makes you happy, your family and friends , most of all your children, focus your time on them and let them be your inspiration. Know your passions or interest , what do you want to do that would make you happy? DO IT & BE HAPPY! Let your energy flow in a positive environment, stay away from alcohols or bad habits , it won't help , only worsen your situation. Possible diversions: travel, join in any sports you like, work on your passion(hobbies/interest/dreams), spend time with your children/family/friends; be active in your community, attend church or any social activities, focus on your job to excel. Find yourself again, rise up, be hopeful and always think of happy thoughts that would make you smile always:smile:

I hope and pray for your fast recovery. Always remember: "there's always a rainbow after the rain":smile: :wink: flowers The sun will shine on you again and will bring you a brighter tomorrow:) SMILE & BE HAPPY:smile: :banana:

metalwing's photo
Sat 09/12/15 04:50 AM
As you have heard here several times, stay busy doing something fun and/or productive. It will take your mind off the sorrow which time will eventually heal. Making new friends helps a lot.

Lpdon's photo
Sat 09/12/15 12:28 PM

I recently separated with my wife of 8 years . I did realize how hard it would be. Or how lonely I feel. I can't even sleep more than 2 hours in a row. Any advice I could really use it . Thanks


Yeah, don't do what I did...... It's supposed to get better, I am just waiting for the when and I've been divorced almost 3 years. I'd see your doctor and get Ambien and Klonopin. Ambien will knock you out and Klonopin will keep you out. The also use it for nightmares and night terrors and it works pretty well.

What ever you do don't hit the bottle. That's badddd.

AdventureBegins's photo
Sat 09/12/15 06:50 PM
Coming across as desperately lonely really won't help much. It attracts flakes.

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