I don�t know about others as we are all different but I can say only from my experience. I felt unhappy and unsatisfied when I didn�t feel free to be myself in that relationship: strong, weak, laughing, crying, joyful, crazy, angry, broken, whatever. We always have masks in front of the people we don�t know or merely know, we want to be accepted so we adjust or take attitudes that we think they will help us to be accepted by others. It doesn�t even have to be a lie or dishonesty, we may show just a tiny little part of ourselves which is strong but most is hidden. We are simply, what is called, cautious in order to protect ourselves.

Ideal partner would be not the one who fulfills me but the one with whome I can be real me, free to express myself in every way just as I am in that moment, who will know my strength but also my weakness and won�t judge me but support me. By that said, I have to trust him.

On the other hand, he has to be free with me, too, just the same way.

If we are not accepted entirely and partner doesn�t give us this kind of freedom (bothsided, not only for me and not only for him) than we can�t really be happy and will feel suppressed.

Other things (same goals, similar thinking etc. etc.) are important too. But I think freedom of expression and acceptance is the most important.

If that doesn�t exist, relationship will be broken, no matter how much feelings you have in the beginning.

Some really interesting and insightful answers, thank you!!

Sea the main theme I get from your answer is within our relationships we should build a safe zone where each partner is free to explore their full potential. Does that sound right?

If I wasn't so tired now due to work, I'm sure I'd have something more to say.

Correct NorCalSwe. I do think we need our safe zone where we can come back and just relax. We are pretty supressed by our enviroment which expect us to react in certain way whether we like it or not. I belive that our basic need is to be accepted for who we are and to be aknowledged - no matter how much we point that we don�t care what others think.

Of course we will always make compromises and some adjustments but it doesn�t matter as long as it does not supress our essence, who we really are.

Trust, kindness, understanding and will to accept each other make a big deal.

personally I think the goal of intimate relationships should be akin to the relationship between a boxer and his coach.


Is it necessary for a boxer to have a coach? not really he is the one fighting, however having a coach in his corner offering support and insight different from his own can propel him forward beyond eve what he thought was possible. ...but in order for this to happen he must respect his coaches knowledge and listen to advice given.

But in life battles and obstacles are fought all the time by both parties...you also need to recognize when she's fighting her own battles and act as her coach during these times.

Yes both people are uniquely different, but that's why they can help each other succeed both in the relationship and in life.

Personally I think problems arise when either party starts thinking their particular role is more important.

Boxer."why do I even bother with you,I'm the one in the ring doing all the work!"

coach."I made you into what you are, fighters are a dime a dozen, leave"

however when both are in harmony and respect each other they can succeed against all odds.

so the point of a relationship? find someone that you believe in and thst believes in you so together you can make life your biotch and have fun doing it

I think that's definitely true as long it's not always one person taking (the boxer) and the other giving (the coach). We definitely have time in our lives were we need someone in our corner, if only to be a sounding board.

As long as the roles switch as needed then I think this is a good view of a relationship.

agreed! thats why this was included



one thing I'd like to include is that botb should celebrate each others victories and accomplisments

good answers
the freedom to be who you are without someone trying to dictate to you
to be each other's biggest fan, advocate
home is where you should feel comfortable and be able to really be yourself without having to hide part of who that is or pretend
both have responsibilities, hobbies, likes, dislikes
mutual respect, admiration..
choosing to be together every day

not because they are unaware of the cute girl at that mall eyeballing em when they buy new jeans or the nice looking mailman who always wants to strike up conversation as he drops off the mail


it is because no one else can compare to that connection
that bond they have with each other

uh Tommy was my father

and the guy that writes a lot of poetry on here


ohoo fast fingers

Sorry, big fingers and stupid little phone

I fixed it

cool

cool

I so absolutely do not believe this..My happiness or fulfillment comes from me. My partner can enhance it but they can't decide if I am unhappy or not. I believe that comes from within




I believe this is common when looking for a way out. Instead of owning your part of the break down of the relationship it is easier to say "you don't make me happy" then the burden of the relationship has shifted off your shoulders onto theirs




I look at a relationship as a partnership, we both have good and bad things that will hopefully compliment the other person that lights our fire, intellectually, spiritually, and physically. Hopefully we enhance the happiness, contentment that we each have. I don't believe into going into a relationship thinking he would be perfect if.... he would change this or that I believe in going in with my eyes wide open, understanding that nothing stays the same we each will grow and evolve as we age, hopefully blending a lifestyle that brings greater happiness and contentment through out life.


I do believe in being honest with oneself and with your partner. If you both have tried it all and you both are miserable together and you can't come to a consensus on what can be done to bring the reason for the relationship back to the forefront. Then well yeah it might be time to split. I may be a bit naive but I am still friends with but one man I have ever had a relationship with. Maybe because I don't believe in destroying each other to the bitter last end.

I have told each man I have ever broke up with long time before I ever made the decision it was over.This was usually months of trying to bring it bad good..

When it is easier and less painful to leave you than it is to stay I am going to leave.

Whatever the people in the relationship ultimately desire it to be.
Their interaction defines the relationship, the relationship does not define the roles of the people.

And that's what you are ultimately asking with this:

That's just "what is my partners role in a relationship?"

Your partner will define their own role in your life.
Sorry, you do not get to control it, only figure out if it's harming you, helping you, or doing nothing for you, and if you wish to stay or go.


A lot of people blame Obama (or any president) for what the entirety of government does.


I don't believe relationships have goals.

There is no relationship progress through dark clouds and valleys until you make it through to the other side into a promised land where you can just sit and wallow in relationship bliss and a complete lack of care or concern and can take the relationship for granted because you've reached your "goal."

People have individual goals, and a relationship may support and help those goals, interfere with those goals, or have no real influence over those goals.


If that is the goal of the two people in the relationship.


Any reason is a good enough reason for separation.
No one is entitled to a relationship.
There are no laws that compel people to remain in a social relationship they don't want to be in.

I would love to see a movie with dialogue like:
"No! I don't accept your reason for breaking up, it's just not good enough!"
"Fine then! I will stick around and be your spouse and fulfill everything I think a spouse should and act like nothing has happened...but sleep with one eye open, li'l camper...for someday, some how, I shall find a reason good enough to break up with you and end this accursed relationship! Woe be unto thee until that day! Woe, I say, WOE!"



Not necessarily.
How does this work in practical reality?
Either:
1. You decide what they need and end up becoming their parent.
2. They tell you what they need and you end up causing harm. Either because there is miscommunication, or they think they need something and it's not good for them.


If you have given with the expectation of receiving something, or cry about getting nothing in return, then you really haven't given anything, you thought you were buying something.
Learn how not to be in transaction based relationships.
Only give what you're willing to give and not worry about a return.

Teamwork.

It seems to me, that before anyone can answer this/these questions, they have to decide what their life itself is all about.

Relationships are like the plants which grow around us. The "ground" of our concept of our existence, and the "environment" of how we try to conduct ourselves, determines what kind of "plants" (relationships) will work for and with us.

Some people are just hedonists. They might be physical hedonists, and so relationships built around sex and or social activities is all that matters to them, or they can be what could be called "conceptual hedonists," and their relationships have to be designed around making them feel that they are "on the right track."

I'm neither kind, myself. My perception and experience of existence hasn't allowed me to draw such comfortable conclusions as those.

Some related thoughts:

deciding that your primary relationship is supposed to "serve you" in some way, any way, is in and of itself a relationship-defining decision.

Something I very much DON'T like, is the way that so many people have declared that they spent their early life toting up a list of functions that a mate is supposed to perform for them, and now want to go about hiring someone to do the job.

This seems to be very popular these days, with OLD especially. People draw up lists of "Red Flag" actions, and lists of required performance functions that they expect their prospective mate to do. Everything from specifying when and how often to have sex, to who has to lead when it comes to choosing activities for dating, to how often they text back and forth.

I think that trying to make this love stuff scientific, destroys any chance of it actually working, myself. A certain amount of basic logic is important, but as soon as you're doing stuff because someone said you should, instead of because that's what you want to do, the romance gets lost entirely.

Not interested.

No. That's MY job. If I can't be happy, I might as well be dead.





To have a nice time together and to treasure it.



Is it to be happy? And is being unhappy a good enough reason for separation?





I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. Being unhappy is a good enough reason to break up, as long as it doesn't involve blaming the other person in the relationship.