pardon me if this has been done to death but I am curious..as to the answers on this one



lots of folks say after a divorce they will never marry again


some run right out and lasso someone and can't wait to get hitched








thoughts on this?

Well, you do ask the tough questions.

I've jumped the broom twice. Both ended for completely different reasons. This definitely makes me gun shy.

I'm in no hurry, doing just fine on my own, but if I met the right person and we both agreed, then yes, I'd try again.

Both my parents are remarried, have been for years, and they are very happy. They found their reason to love.



The good thing is I wouldn't do it because I'm afraid to be alone, or because I need someone in my life. I'd only do it if I found that someone I just wanted to make happy. Someone who makes me smile just to look at them.

Sorry for getting corny.

OK! Just hear me out. Marriage is a boat that have a captain and when i say captain. It means both share the boat to sail through life and make things keep going. If both give it up on marriage. They do think that each person they meet will ruin the marriage so think no more for marriage and do flirt and live together but no more marriage. When someone cherish a woman. When always have her on his mind and with no reason give roses and a kiss on her forehead and kiss her nose tip while walk through her lips and keep deeply while close each others eyes. I think the idea is to stop picking on what bad things one of them did and always think of good things that each do to each others. Marriage can happen again in the case we learn from our mistakes. Both have needs so should know honest and being truthful towards each others even if it will make any sad, just be honest as nothing is easy same as marriage. Hope i did said what make it clear that marriage can happen again and just i am so romantic but may be i am an old fashion guy with modern taste as well :P.

sure, I personally don't see myself getting married again (at least with the current laws in place in the U.S)

For me it is not because im scarred, scared, emotionally unavailable, or afraid of commitment.

it's because I no longer respect marriage in and of itself

It's just that marriage used to be honored by society as a whole, but we've allowed marriages to become "at-will" contracts with the government, not with each other, but the government.

Even the people in marriages don't respect them anymore (look at all the celebrities cheating on their spouse)

but worse than that other people don't have respect for those who are married (Ashley Madison anyone)

some other countries actually allow you to go after the individual your significant other cheated on you with for damages....imagine that..making someone think that if "they" are married maybe I should stay away. For a single guy in the U.S it makes no difference to him whether or not the person he is talking to is married. In my opinion it should matter, because it should be able to affect him.

I think the culture here of marry and divorce at will is sickening on every level and damaging to society as a whole.

I don't think it should be a completely unbreakable contract, but I do believe it should only be invalidated for very few exceptions.

I also don't believe it should be a vehicle for personal gain(gold-diggers) I think if the laws changed and either party broke the agreement, then they leave and go separate ways, and with children involved BOTH parents have to pay child support until they are 18, both have to contribute a certain percentage of their respective income into a child account, that both have limited access to, and can use for the children only.

but unfortunately marriage isn't respected on this level in this country so personally I choose not to partake in a process that has been so corrupted over time that it is now unrecognizable as what it once represented

I always said I would only get married once if it did not work then I will remain single.
When family tried to matchmake me with others I would say I am not interested in men so they automatically thought girls oh my no so now I say no they spend my money and I don't have time.
I told mum I was a dating site for friends. She laughed
After nearly eight years if I took home a man they might go into shock lol
In the end what ever happens happens.

NO, not for me. Even before I filed for divorce, I decided, never again.
I don't want to consult & file status reports & updates , or the everyday crap.
I don't think it is for everyone, & very few people will admit ," I am not the type ". Especially women. Some how it is socially acceptable for men to be or say, they are bachelor. But not for women to say ' I'm a bachlorette by choice "
* Damn Disney Movies *

mmmmm if you would have asked me this right after my divorce my answer would have been a resounding " ooooooooo hell to the no!!"


reasons are somewhat harder to explain..
oh I was head over heels walking down that aisle at age of 23
meant those vows

he was head of household
I was stay at home mommy
he had a teaching degree when I married him

plan was we would both become teachers so we could have same holidays off and summers to spend doing things with kids


it was a good plan that never came to be
he could not find a job teaching high school social studies
so he went back to school for his second degree

this time as an officer on a Great Lakes sailing vessel...

we spent lot of time apart but I kept homefires burning
wrote lots of letters and sent presents
and took lots of pics of kids
but it was not an easy road


now I understand that just because a marriage failed with one
after 20 years trying
does not mean it will fail again with someone new


but as for me I am unwilling to make that kind of commitment to another human being

Interesting...you implied...but never really said if your initial "oh hell to the no" opinion had changed. Hm

As for the other people'scarguments, I understand see how they feel. I can definitely see avoidingbthe 'institution' of marriage. In that's just a piece of paper.

Marriage has to be not just in the heart, but in the mind. The heart may wax and wane, but if you commit in the mind then it has a better chance of surviving. Well, if you both commit.

Life's a scary f'in business, but with the right person it can be an f'in fun adventure.

after first couple years

the anger, resentment, hostility you may harbor towards your ex

hopefully starts to fade..at least in my case it did

the disappointment over it not turning out the way you had planned..well ..there is healing sometimes that had to take place

letting go

so my hell to the no that once was full of anger no longer is

am I open to the possibility now?
not sure
but I am not 100 percent against it





there is a level of vulnerability that you may have allowed or welcomed with both arms open wide that first time around

there is that part of you that you keep hidden
behind lock and key

and I wonder how many of us who do date
do so only to a certain level of comfort and control

Sounds about right. Good thing is, if there's a next time, you'll be eyes wide open. Not a starry eyed 20-something anymore.

Personally, I believe there's something more special with, let's say more mature, love.

I've never been married but since everyone in my family is separated or divorced, the prospect of marriage makes me nervous yet still excited and hopeful. Mixed feelings.

My first marriage, I asked for the divorce, so not much pain. Still took a few years to d�cide I might be up for it again.


The second marriage, well, let's just say I'm about where TMommy is at. Still some issues to work through.

Well hello fence, mind if I sit on you a spell.

Tmommy quote

and I wonder how many of us who do date
do so only to a certain level of comfort and control

For me, it is not about comfort & control it is about NOT giving up control.
I have had a few long term (5-15 yrs), & sooner or later the 'live in'or 'M' word comes in '.... & I know it is doomed. Because.... I don't want that, & had made that clear. But, somehow... they think, they can change my mind. Ugh...

Not sure he would have to be near perfect. Lol
I like this fence might need an electric shock to get me off.

Well, I admire you both because you are honest but not unkind, that is hard to find in this world.

Well, unfortunately you can't control other people. If they want to lie to themselves there is nothing you can do but show them the door in the nicest way possible.

ive never been married and when I was younger I really wanted to get married and then have children and do it all properly.

But now im older, I would rather have a child first and then get married.

with saying that, im not so fussed about getting married now like I used to be because marriage these days isn't taken as seriously as it used to be.

in a ideal world, I would love to get married, but if I met someone who didn't want to get married I wouldn't rule him out, like I would have done 10 years ago.

also one of my cousins got divorced and wow what a nightmare and it took a few years. so I guess that put me off a bit.

really I only want to get married because I want the nice dress and rings. j/k

first time around we had a joint checking acct
the mortgage for house was in his name and I was listed as secondary
on it since he had a better credit rating at time we bought it
he was sole provider
I stayed home with kids


I think that particular scenario is one
that I would never consider doing again
once you gain that independence and self sufficiency
you cannot go back again

If i ever fall in love again(which i doubt)... i will marry her

I agree with you, Tmommy. It's hard to give it up.
To a certain degree can't we compromise on that?
Would that be to messy
A lot of things need to take into consideration
Like I said I am going to need shock treatment

I like the way people do it here in Sweden. No one has a joint checking or savings account. They divide up the bills. I hear them talk about, well he makes the house payment and I pay the electric bill...

That's how my exc and I did it.

They try to hold on to as much indepedence as possible, then you know you are together for the right reasons.

Also, divorce here is very simple, usually one piece of paper.
No kids, if you both sign, you are immediately divorced. If kids are involvec you must wait six months and have worked out finances, custody and visitations.