Is it wrong for a man to get intimate with a chick & make his intentions clear to her that hes not ready for a relationship yet but values what they have?

...and after all that & the intimacy they have, her wanting something more serious but when the man says he needs a lil time he gets hated on....??

was it a clearly understood friend with benefits situation from beginning?

or was it dating and sleeping together rather quickly

and now she feels like there is supposed to be some kind of emotional commitment and is not getting that from you?

Yes exactly its emotional commitment coz she's been talking of marriage which I didnt agree to & I I have no brain chemistry with her....none at all coz thats very important

Basically I got intimate with this girl & I made it clear to her i didn't want a relationship but wouldn't mind getting dirty with her....but not exactly in those words....I might sound like an azzhole for doing that but I was hurting so bad & alone & needed to give love & comfort

Now Ive been getting hate text from that I broke her heart.

Women


Am i in the wrong?
I never held a gun to her head & said 'hey lets do this' I made it all clear before?

LOL...men do this too!

However, sounds like it is She in your situation who needs a wake up call. IF you made it clear upfront, then she is just being stubborn and silly. IMO you should simply block her. You don't need someone who is unhappy with themselves making you think YOU are bad/mean.

Thanks
This is someone in real life not online...I dont do the friends with benefit thing & could It be the age gap coz I'm 33 & she's 21....not in a relationship with her tho

IMO as long as there was honesty and everything on the table to begin with, your hands are clean. She would be the one changing the game. Sometimes people develop feelings for someone, but you never lied or led her on

Yes I guess yellowrose...much more beautiful then a yellowrose

Romeo, oh Romeo, careful with these types of relationships because people develop feelings. Even if you made it clear to her, you can't be flippant and callous about it. I feel bad for her.

FWB situations never seem to work out because someone always catches feelings even if the intentions were clear. If you feel bad, all you can do is apologize and move on. Don't give her false hope by hanging on.

It is what it is you were honest. She developed feelings which is easy to do..But since she has and you have not gone there honestly I would say break it off.. Cause it will only cause her more heartache in the end.. Not that you did anything wrong... sometimes those situations just don't work...

Play with fire, you're going to get burned.

Aww...and she's just 21...probably her first heartbreak too because she thought it could be a fairytale and get married...

I don't know the kind of person she is or how either of you handles relationships. Is she trying to manipulate you? IDK.....but assuming she is not, i think you shouldn't have had that kind of relationship in the first place, not if she was that impressionable.

Even if you had given out all the info upfront, im sure she had other ideas....Especially if she has experienced, as you say, "a lot of love and comfort" from you, it is easy to make some wrong assumptions....True, it may be her fault for presuming too much, and giving in to the situation, as is often the case...but then again...maybe she not the girl you ought to have had that kind of relationship with to begin with...

Whatever experience she had with you will surely influence how she views herself and her future dealings with other guys. You are much older and presumably more emotionally mature and stable in dealing with relationships...be gentle on her when you let her down...

But honestly, IMO...i see some contradiction in the above statements quoted....so it would be very easy for the other party to make a mistake in the actual "intimate non-relationship" ...not unless she's being some kind of lady of the night...

Ohh..op.. I can sooooo totally relate to you right now.... ....
Mmmm.... good times.. ..
I have this issue all the time..
I'm very clear about my intent..
they clearly understand..!. I am a good time Charlie.. and nothing more... I have them sign all the appropriate paperwork..lol.... but it never fails... just like clockwork.. a week into it..
... they start in with.. the... I need more from you.. I think about you all the time.... my god I wake up in the middle night craving you..... please please... be my boyfriend..... I want you more full time.... I'm not a selfish person!.. but I want you all to ....myself.
...(me..)but but.. baby.. you do have me to yourself..
. I'm only seeing you.!... ..
... and I explain to you my situation..
I'm just not interested in full time right now..... you knew this!. we had an agreement... see ! look this is your signature right..?.lol..(
..her..) yeah I know..!!. but ,but ,I just didn't realize I would fall so. fast and so hard for you..
.. you're just so damn good baby...!!

Me..awww.. thanks babe.!.... . but a deal is a deal... and besides I'm sure there's a far better.... match for you out there than me....

Her..KNOW.. don't say that you're perfect for me.!!! ..

Me..ohhh.. babe I know.!. .. but you need more than I can offer you right now...soo.. I need to cut you loose.. you need to be able to soar high..... you need to be free... to find your next mr. right.... and baby we will always have Paris...oui..... now dry your Mon Cheri.... and kiss me goodbye...... Kiss Kiss Bang Bang..

.


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Thanks for the advice all I really appreciate it.
I never lead her on & was completely honest & I have no deep feelings for her except the care wellness ones... I always made it clear i like intimacy & stuff & what I wanted but I couldn't go into that marriage thing coz I had marriage dreams with the love of my life ect...I was open & straight but she told me she hates me

Try not to take it to heart... I'm sure she will get over it... They always do man... It's different if your teenagers naive and all... But we are all adults now... as long as you know what you're getting into... she has no one to blame but herself...

Romeo, I can see where this has happened... You aren't at fault for what someone else feels. You were honest and upfront. Now is the time to wish her well and don't go back...

I have been in similar situations where I have dated casually didn't even get to sex and had men tell me they want to take it to a higher level and I am like nope not going there it was fun and yet there is nothing to build on.

My advice put her number in the scam category and you wont' even know if she texts you anymore..

should be used as protein to feed the homeless.


Depends.

If he knows that you can't have sex without the body releasing chemicals that force you to bond and develop emotional attachments, then yes, it's wrong.
If he knows that emotional bonding is what is SUPPOSED to happen with sex, and will happen, unless you're banging a bunch of other people routinely, then it's wrong.

It's like telling someone you are not going to feed them and then dangling a perfectly cooked steak in front of their face while they can't find food anywhere else.
When they tell you they're hungry and would really like to eat some you say "well, I told you I wasn't going to feed you! Not my fault! I'm blameless! I was honest from the start! But here, I'm happy to let you smell it and lick it."

If they are simply uneducated or not that smart and believe that sex can be relegated solely to relating to the nerves around the genitals and doesn't affect the brain, hormones, or emotions, then no, it's not "wrong," anymore than a special needs kid farting in public is "wrong." They just don't know better.


As a child did you ever get really scared, frightened, and your mom consoled you, made you feel good, and you seemed so close, and then out of love took you to a toy store, showed you a shiny new awesome bike that you really really wanted, she put you on the bike and let you test drive it in the store, and then have her literally kick you off the bike and say "sorry, I might buy it for you, I might not, I need a little time to decide..."

What do you think would happen?
Most kids would feel bad and have a little tantrum.

In that sense eople don't really change.

They have the same emotions and emotional reactions as adults as they did when they were children.

The only difference is experience in how to mitigate the potential damage.
Instead of punching a wall when they get punched in the emotional gut, they use their words and say "go f yourself."



I don't think you know how "relationships" develop.
Saying "I don't want a relationship" is not a magic spell that counters several thousand years of biological evolution that drives people to bond, whether the conscious personality desires it or not.


Great.
Now she's hurting so bad and alone and needs to be given love and comfort.
But, as long as you got yours, then it's all good.

Stupid women, they should get the exact same things from sex as men, react the exact same way as men, and be focused on only healing men, rather than responding to the natural order of things and getting all bondy with sex.
Don't women know they aren't supposed to produce things like oxytocin except when they choose to?! C'mon! It's the 21st century and we have Obamacare!