Thank you all for your input. I was merely trying to find a solution to a dilemma that has me headed in the wrong direction. I wanted to find something positive to hold onto. Some of you made some good arguments and others chose to make it out to be me to be the problem and i guess I can only take that as I am crazy to think as I do.

Most of you think I'm nuts. Maybe my explanations and comments were hard to understand. I guess it basically boils down to this. I'm confused and unsure about where I am in my life. I do understand what I need in my life and it simply doesn't exist. For the record, my first marriage is the only relationship I've had that I take full responsibility for screwing up and regret losing. My second was miserable but my only mistake was staying with it and trying to make it work. The three relationships I've had over the past 4 years were good relationships, the first lost to Her losing a battle with cancer. The second, too much distance to keep what was a good thing going. The 3rd ended as a result of her deciding she could not put up with the fact that I still depended upon my 2nd wife for financial support, which I believe it was her own good conscience (which surprises me that she has) not to deny me as she took most of my inheritance and dashed my plans for retirement. 15 year age difference if that tells you anything.

I've endeavored in two businesses since my last divorce. Real estate failed miserably and cost me dearly financially. I am currently in my second year of the second business which succeeded the first year, but because of many adversities has been struggle after struggle this year.

The current relationship her and I are trying to build is being hindered by many circumstances, including much distance, her heavy work load, my failing business and the fact that we have not met in person and wont be able to until November. Along with my insecurities in my looks and my business failing, I am in a ship trying to bail with a teaspoon, and since there is really no rescue in site, I am stuck with going down with the ship.

All in all, come what may, I only posted to get some sort of assurance that that I can overcome the adversities and ultimately be victorious in what I consider to be the only hope for an enduring relationship and with extra effort on my part to make myself worthy of a longer and more rewarding life with her.

So let me finish with rephrasing the post title from Why? What for? to "has anyone got a bigger spoon?"

Just so you all have a clearer picture of where I've been and what I'm going through.

Oh, hey man; none of us actually need to know - will ever know your intimate life details and that's OK too! But when you bring an emotional situation onto a community forum...well, you've gotta be prepared for some 'BRASS TACKS' and wide ranging POV!

You are one of us - regardless of how all those issues work out!
Hang in - Hang on...we've got your back whenever you need us!

When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will pull yourself out of repeating the same loop you have been stuck in.

You have been given solutions that work. You can choose to make the sacrifices it takes to make them or keep feeling sorry for yourself and begging someone to give you a bigger spoon.

I am not holding my breath for you to listen. I have given you the hand up. Now you have to pull your own boot straps up and do what needs to be done.

Get medical help where needed.

Sell off your toys, bail out of a failing business, and live with in your means. Maybe that is a room and board maybe something a little better. Do you think any of us planned some of the lumps we have had to take? Or even deserved them? Probably a lot haven't but they choose to be the anchor or the sail on the boat in Mingleland. Most here already have enough anchors to deal with so you take the needle and thread and fix your sail or you are going to be dead in the water.

Ty, that's nice to know

^^^ This is a pretty good advice for you, sir, you should take that in consideration.
And to answer to your "why" what for?

Why not fighting? People do that all the time. Fight. They fight because they accept their past and because they are grateful for every little thing life has to offer. Life is a gift. A precious gift. Be grateful for it.

Think about how lucky you are to be alive, to be able to walk, to eat, using your own hands, thank God for everything! You're alive, sir, and that's a pretty good enough reason to want to Live. Don't give up. You can do it. Tell yourself everyday: God, I'm so lucky to be alive, so lucky to have food on my table, even write some inspirational positive thoughts and place it somewhere visible so you can see it easy. Take a look on that piece of paper once in awhile and repeat it a couple times a day. Create discipline in your life. Make that an important part of your life. Make a habit out of it.

Dear needsum1one to love
You really need to get a grip and take the road out of self pity city.
I read your profile and you appear to be quite a nice charming and handsome guy but you won't get a sympathy vote from me.
Why
Well I find it all a bit odd when people from Country's such as the US and Europe moan about life.
For ****s sake what more luck could you want.
You won the lottery the day you were born.
I realize that most replies to your thread are of a sympathetic nature but I wonder if most are just telling you what you want to hear and that's fine because it's nice to lend an ear sometimes, I do it myself when needed.
But every so often it's nice when someone gives you a reality check, so I'm just being your guardian angel, at least that's the intention.
Snap out of it because it's not attractive, in fact it's quite ugly if any thing.

think you are crazy lol I know you are crazy so who you kidding lol

So you have a chance with a woman you're attracted to, and your still down in the dumps? Wow. She is offering herself to you. I think you're running before you can walk. Wouldn't you rather just take the chance of being with her? I think your doubts are stopping you. Don't be the man who COULD have had her, when you can be the man who CAN have her. :flower for you:

Did someone say needy and depressed?!?!!?!


needsum1...I always believed that the primary human desire was to have an opportunity to have their love received by another, whether returned or not. Ain't all that healthy one-sided, but it is a reality. Ease in to your liking of her. Don't pounce til you know she's receptive.

There are MANY ladies here who fill my "bill" but I am keenly aware that this does not mean I meet their criteria for a mate. (Can you believe some of them are impressed by an ability to run more than 12 feet - IN THIS TECHNOLOGICAL DAY AND AGE?)

I make many self deprecating remarks regarding my ample girth and social shortcomings, but it's all in good fun. Yet, it does get irritating, I'm sure. Sometimes nothing can blow your chances like opening with, "Hi, I'm a fat pathetic loser that nobody likes..." (I know for a fact - I've done it...AND STILL DO. I'll never learn!)

Lighten up, cut the melancholy, and start working your mojo (before someone else does).

By the way....she is probably a lil lonely herself or she wouldn't be hanging around with the rest of us.

Now there is some food for thought!!...Very well said!

Yes, my thoughts are well nourished!


DOH! There's that self deprecation again!

Yadda Yadda Yadda

I think some people have to many keys on their keyboard.. Text walls are a pain..

Yes I've heard you like em short and sweet