Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Betrayed or nah?
TMommy Joined Fri 05/10/13 Posts: 9850	Sun 04/19/15 05:45 PM
yea Im over it eventhough the relationship was suppose to be fun and loose I jus cant get over the betrayal. I was always honest about my hookup right after they happened, the fact that he waited a month is the part I jus cant get over. Wait stop the presses "you wanted to keep it fun an loose" where is the betrayal???? From the sounds of it you are the one that can't deal with it. IMO... If I am dating loose an casual then I am NOT unzipping these jeans..and if I did then it would no ones business but mine.. The same as really honestly what he did isn't yours either... Maybe he didn't feel the need to announce it since again "You were casual" Neither party owes the other any disclosures... In saying that, if I am exclusive there better not be any hooking up any type going on unless it is with me.. As it is with him... just sayin I don't share with others well mmmhmmmm the man in my life better know good and well whose bed he puts his boots under

SitkaRains Joined Thu 10/09/08 Posts: 17228	Sun 04/19/15 05:52 PM
yea Im over it eventhough the relationship was suppose to be fun and loose I jus cant get over the betrayal. I was always honest about my hookup right after they happened, the fact that he waited a month is the part I jus cant get over. Wait stop the presses "you wanted to keep it fun an loose" where is the betrayal???? From the sounds of it you are the one that can't deal with it. IMO... If I am dating loose an casual then I am NOT unzipping these jeans..and if I did then it would no ones business but mine.. The same as really honestly what he did isn't yours either... Maybe he didn't feel the need to announce it since again "You were casual" Neither party owes the other any disclosures... In saying that, if I am exclusive there better not be any hooking up any type going on unless it is with me.. As it is with him... just sayin I don't share with others well mmmhmmmm the man in my life better know good and well whose bed he puts his boots under I agree and I know where my man puts his... From what I read though is wasn't really exclusive til that happens.. Someone may think that can dictate that but in all honesty IMO they can't.. If the OP had wanted exclusivity then it was her and his responsibility to make damn sure they were on the same page.. Sounds to me they weren 't... Oh yeah I know where Pancho's boots are

dreamerana Joined Sat 09/21/13 Posts: 21544	Sun 04/19/15 05:54 PM Edited by dreamerana on Sun 04/19/15 06:16 PM
yea Im over it eventhough the relationship was suppose to be fun and loose I jus cant get over the betrayal. I was always honest about my hookup right after they happened, the fact that he waited a month is the part I jus cant get over. now I'm confused as to who cheated whom. you talk about him cheating yet you say you told him about the hookups when they happened. imo it's always best to start off as friends and get to know each other. if you both decide it's serious, then you establish what you have together. it can't be one supposes you're committed and the other thinking you're just friends. here's the thing, we can all tell you if you should feel betrayed or not. yet, the one who can decide and has to deal with it is you. was your situation clearly defined? can you forgive and trust? whether or not he cheated, you're already starting off with distrust. I will tell you what I told my friend when he said his girlfriend wondered if I had ever slept with him. I told him even though he and I have never been more than friends, his relationship has bigger problems than whether or not we were together. at the core of the question is a deep insecurity and distrust. wish you luck

bashajones Joined Fri 08/08/14 Posts: 7943	Sun 04/19/15 06:01 PM
If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? This is a serious question???

Tiffany252 Joined Sun 04/13/14 Posts: 33	Sun 04/19/15 06:10 PM
yea Im over it eventhough the relationship was suppose to be fun and loose I jus cant get over the betrayal. I was always honest about my hookup right after they happened, the fact that he waited a month is the part I jus cant get over. See,I had feeling you weren't telling all,smt! yea!! That relationship was really a learning experience. never again tho.. I am ready for a real relationship.

Tiffany252 Joined Sun 04/13/14 Posts: 33	Sun 04/19/15 06:11 PM
If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? This is a serious question??? ugh what you think

TMommy Joined Fri 05/10/13 Posts: 9850	Sun 04/19/15 06:15 PM
you both messed around with someone else in beginning when you were first together you told him right away he waited a month to tell you you got mad at him about it is this how it went down? or am I missing something?

Tiffany252 Joined Sun 04/13/14 Posts: 33	Sun 04/19/15 06:22 PM
you both messed around with someone else in beginning when you were first together you told him right away he waited a month to tell you you got mad at him about it is this how it went down? or am I missing something? yea more hurt that he was hiding sumthing from me when I was honest about everything.

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Sun 04/19/15 06:33 PM
If your mate confessed to cheating the first week of your relationship, would you considered that cheating? If you are mutually exclusive then yes

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Sun 04/19/15 06:36 PM
yea Im over it eventhough the relationship was suppose to be fun and loose I jus cant get over the betrayal. I was always honest about my hookup right after they happened, the fact that he waited a month is the part I jus cant get over. Ok so you both cheated? Up front or not..cheating is cheating There is a time limit on confessions? How about don't cheat period

isaac_dede Joined Sat 11/24/07 Posts: 10632	Sun 04/19/15 07:10 PM Edited by isaac_dede on Sun 04/19/15 07:12 PM
in your situation I'd say no he didn't cheat...."lite and casual" means just that casual. ...if he was casual with someone else..as it seems you were as well it is no ones business but his own...that is until you MUTUALLY decide that you're going to become exclusive/item/serious pick one. ... I've had similar experiences. ...casual then she decides she doesn't want to be casual than after a while tells him she hasn't been with anyone else and then she is hurt when she finds out he hasn't been exclusive. ...one person in a casual relationship becoming exclusive doesn't mean the other one HAS to be as well.....a discussion and agreement has to be reached in both sides. ...if this discussion already took place and he hooked up with someone after. ..then dump him..he's a cheater....but it sounds like this never happened so he's not a cheater and you're just possessive

panchovanilla Joined Tue 01/07/14 Posts: 5396	Sun 04/19/15 07:52 PM
yea Im over it eventhough the relationship was suppose to be fun and loose I jus cant get over the betrayal. I was always honest about my hookup right after they happened, the fact that he waited a month is the part I jus cant get over. Wait stop the presses "you wanted to keep it fun an loose" where is the betrayal???? From the sounds of it you are the one that can't deal with it. IMO... If I am dating loose an casual then I am NOT unzipping these jeans..and if I did then it would no ones business but mine.. The same as really honestly what he did isn't yours either... Maybe he didn't feel the need to announce it since again "You were casual" Neither party owes the other any disclosures... In saying that, if I am exclusive there better not be any hooking up any type going on unless it is with me.. As it is with him... just sayin I don't share with others well mmmhmmmm the man in my life better know good and well whose bed he puts his boots under I agree and I know where my man puts his... From what I read though is wasn't really exclusive til that happens.. Someone may think that can dictate that but in all honesty IMO they can't.. If the OP had wanted exclusivity then it was her and his responsibility to make damn sure they were on the same page.. Sounds to me they weren 't... Oh yeah I know where Pancho's boots are Yes you do. And I know where yours are Sweetie. And also where those cute lil feet are.

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Sun 04/19/15 08:02 PM
Now I am confused. Was this a relationship or something light hearted and fun?

jacktrades Joined Tue 09/11/12 Posts: 4395	Mon 04/20/15 12:30 AM
I think it is a confusing situation. What you need to decide is, are you two exclusive, just hanging out, and are you ok with the fact that he is sleeping with others and all the drama that brings.Best of luck to you.

isaac_dede Joined Sat 11/24/07 Posts: 10632	Mon 04/20/15 03:46 AM
after re-reading this a couplefof times here is what I got... 1. This was light hearted and fun 2. During this time you were hooking up with other people, but you CHOSE to tell him about these encounters 3. He was also hooking up with other people but CHOSE not to tell you. But when you later found out about 3 you were angry/hurt that his choice wasn't the same as yours.....am I missing something?

tealbreeze Joined Sun 02/08/15 Posts: 2279	Mon 04/20/15 03:51 AM
It may sound like a stupid question, but I really don't have a lot of experience dating. My friends think that its not a big deal and the first week of dating isn't really that serious. Especially when me and him suppose to be keeping the relationship lite and fun. I'm confused. You have another thread that says that you don't know how to recognize if a man is flirting with you. How do you know that you are even in a relationship, opie? No. Not cheating. Dating.

IamwhoIam1 Joined Sun 01/01/12 Posts: 6400	Mon 04/20/15 03:52 AM Edited by IamwhoIam1 on Mon 04/20/15 03:53 AM
^ Isaac, that sounds about right to me, Dr. Phil. Another case of Communication Breakdown - Led Zeppelin

Estelle79 Joined Thu 09/11/14 Posts: 1452	Mon 04/20/15 07:52 AM
Men and women are different. Men have the ability to lie/compartmentalize and women tend to tell the truth/see the bigger picture. This is true no matter what the agreement is in the relationship. I know, speaking from experience here.

lucas999mathew Joined Sun 04/19/15 Posts: 3	Mon 04/20/15 08:27 AM
Hey friends?

messi_is_a_tim_1888 Joined Fri 11/28/14 Posts: 3309	Mon 04/20/15 08:41 AM
Men and women are different. Men have the ability to lie/compartmentalize and women tend to tell the truth/see the bigger picture. This is true no matter what the agreement is in the relationship. I know, speaking from experience here. Think you'll find Estelle, that both men and women have that ability? It ain't just a guys thing!!