A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know the cat was dead?” She asked him. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move.” Answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT!!” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You Know” explained the boy “leaned over and went ‘Pssssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

A little girl went to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad gets his hair cut eating a snack cake. The barber says to her “Sweetheart you’re going to get hair on your Twinkie.” She says “Yes I know, and I am gonna get boobs too.”

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until ST. Peter says, For Heaven’s sake Dylan, come in or stay out!

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice “Mommy will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice. “The big Sissy.”

It was that time during the Sunday morning service for the children’s sermon. All children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress, is it your Easter Dress?” The little girl replied directly into the pastor’s clip on microphone “Yes and my mom says it’s a b*tch to iron.”

A mother 6 months pregnant with her third child was preparing to take a shower when her 3 year old came into the room. She said “Mommy, you are getting fat!” and the mother replied “Yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.” I know” replied the little girl “but what’s growing in your butt?”

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read “….and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said “The Sky is Falling!” The teacher asked the class “ And what do you thin that the farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said “Holy Sh*t A talking chicken!” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Kids gotta luv um...

u gotta love children who know how to cuss in context! LOL

Awesome Jokes, sounds like my kids

Sounds like him

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and his brother

i hope my kids are that funny