When I did not know better I said in anger to a friend- :WHY don't you go ahead and KILL yourself and he did.
I still remember the softness of his cheek when he dared me once to kiss him.
At a party he told the girls to tell me he decided to take my advice
and took a gun and blew his brains out in front of them and one gal was laughing
she wished he could do it again
and one told me
crying
after that years later I wrote some poems and sent them, songs too they were to the director of the arts program and at the same time he had asked my friend if his new spi novel was any good. My friend told him it was crap.
My friend is a writer and agent.
We both blamed ourselves that Bill killed himself
was it my words that pushed him over the edge? or my friend Gary's? But it made us both think.
Afterwards, in the mail, gary said there was an acceptance of Bill's new spy novel
but he will never cash the check