Man Dave,
You have written some 50+ jokes this week.

Ok,
Now imagine you take all of them jokes and squeeze it into a can.
Now shake the can and tell me
what sound you hear?

sincerely,
JaiGi

thanks alot Sir.
Will always try to squeez and make it very short and as simple as possible.

In an English exam, an Essay asked 'What is
laziness'?.. Akpos left 6 pages blank & wrote
in the end –THIS IS LAZINESS
...............................................
DOC AKPOS: U look terribly exhausted, re u
having meals 3 times a day as I advised?..
EKAETTE: Doctor, I thought u said 3 males a day
...........................................
Doctor: Do u do enough exercise?.. AKPOS: yes,
I play Futball & Tennis daily..
Doctor: how long
do u play?..
AKPOS: Until my Phone Battery
empties
.....................................................
OCHUKO: 2day's my GF's birth day, what Gift can I
give her?..
AKPOS: how does she look?..
OCHUKO: Gorgeous & sexy..
AKPOS: Give her my number

Chichi: Hw much do u luv me?
Akpos: My heart
is a mobile &you are its SIM.
Chichi: Oh God.I am so
lucky.
Akpos: she doesn't knw dat my mobile
is dual sim
..........................................
In a party Akpos Asked a Girl "Are you Going
to Dance?" She felt so happy amd said-yes.
Akpos Said-"That's Gud, So Can I have your Chair?
Akpos asked a barber “How much for a
haircut?” Barber:“N500.
Akpos:“And hw
much 4 a shave? Barber:N50 sir. Akpos: Very
well, shave my head.
.................................................
Teacher: Akpos, assuming you were at a bus
stop and Boko- Haram throws a bomb. What
will you do?
Akpors: i will just stop
assuming…..
................................................
TEACHER: If I have 6 bottles in one hand & 5
in the other, what do I have?.. AKPOS: A
drinking problem
.......................................................
OCHUKO: Akpos, why do u keep saying 'Good
Morning Sir' to the mirror?.. AKPOS: Last night,
My Wife told me to respect myself
...........................................................
Spelling Mistake Destroy Akpos Life, Akpos
Sent this to His Wife "i'm Having a Wonderful
Time, Wish you Were HER". Retweet if u get it!
..............................................
Akpors Wife: Honey, where are you going with a
Spanner?..
AKPOS: To the Bank, I want to
open an Account

True Confession By Akpos

I was a Candidate at a JAMB
Examination. We were writing Use Of
English. I shaded the ones i knew
and was waiting for manna to fall
from Heaven when i noticed a very
beautiful girl sitting beside me. She
was shading and was not looking up.
Through the help of my long neck, i
peeped and checked her work, she
was on number 65, i was still on
number 21 and time was running
out. I quickly thanked God and
started shading along with her. We
got to number 98 together, suddenly,
she looked up, caught me and
shouted in a low tone:
"What are it? Why is you dey copying
me? Copys! copys! You is not
shaming! As big as you dey! You is a
dull boys! You are a disgrace to your
manhoods."
and i shouted; "heeeey! heeeeyyy!!!
heeeyyyy!!! I am finished here, who
has eraser ee!!!!!!! ** ! Bad
Market....."

Akpors and his new teacher.

A new teacher tries to make use of
her psychology courses.
The first day of class, she starts by
saying, "Everyone who thinks they're
stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Akpos stands
up. The teacher asks,
"Do you think you're stupid, Akpos?"
"No, madam, but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself."

Akpors made Yahoo guy/Scammer to confess.

Akpos: Hello? Who am I speaking
with Pls?
Yahoo boy: Ah, don't u know who is calling?
Akpos: No I don't, the number is
restricted.
Yahoo boy: How is Nigeria?
Akpos: Nigeria is fine but who am I speaking with?
Yahoo boy: It's your friend from
London.
Akpos: I have a couple of friends in London which of them is this?
Yahoo boy: Just guess.
Akpos: Em, is it James?
Yahoo boy: Yes! It's me James!
Akpos: Ah! James! Long time no
see, how now? How is London?
Yahoo boy: London is fine, how is
Nigeria?
Akpos: Nigeria is fine, the usual
wahala, Ehen! The other day I saw your
mother , she is very sick o, dat was
two weeks ago, I am sure she should be dead by now....
Yahoo boy: Ah!
Akpos: Yes o, your father's house in the village rainstorm blew away the roof and it landed on the old mans legs and shattered them, he is at
the hospital presently ......
Yahoo boy: Jesus:O!
Akpos: ....yes o, the bone mender says it will not heal because he has diabetes, later they said tetanus has entered already, the man is quarter to go, your younger brother went to
smoke Weed with those bad boys and since then the guy is mad, he is in psychiatric now, your elder brother went to a burial at a neighbouring village he went to drink anyhow there, they
put poison in his wine, he is just
falling every time .....
Yahoo boy: Haaaaa!!!!! OMG!
Akpos: ...wait o, there is more, your sister got pregnant and wnted to do abortion ....
Yahoo boy: You wait! Its enough already! I reject everything you say in Jesus name! Those things will never happen to me....
Akpos: Ah! Is this not James?, they have already happened ...
Yahoo boy: I am not James, im a yahoo guy/Scammer..so im not james plz..
Akpos: Oh, i see. You stupid yahoo guy. Dnt go find work bloody thief!
..wait let me burn your credit
small, *****lolz...try this if you meet one on your way out!

Akpors VS Wife

WIFE: I wrote your name on sand
it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was
blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my
heart & I got Heart Attack.
AKPOS: God saw me hungry, he
created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi.
He saw me in darkness, He created
light.
He saw me without problems, He
created YOU.
WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are ..
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
AKPOS: The rain makes all things
beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you..?
WIFE: ...Roses are red; Violets are
blue.
Monkeys like u should be kept in ZOO.
Don't feel so angry you will find me
there too...
Not in cage but laughing at YOU
WHO KILLED IT? The wife or the
husband?

Akprs Vs Daddy

Akpos' father believed that his son
was spending way too much time
playing computer games. In an effort
to motivate the boy into focusing
more attention on his school
work, the father said to his son
Akpos...
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he
was studying books by the light of
the fire place."
Without looking up from his game,
Akpors pointed out,"Thanks Dad, But
When Lincoln was your age, he was
The President of The United States."

After your 16-jokes-today what did we hear?
Aha, a sound? of silence?

So what are our friends thinking?
When will Dave stop spraying us like a machine gun?

Dave, you do have a few gems, like the one on the quickest way to broadcast a message: Telephone, Television; and Tell-a-Woman.

And you know why the ladies did not throw their shoes at you?
Cause, the gem got mixed up with a lot of sea shells.

Now we all see the hard work and time you have invested in here and some of us are now thinking that JaiGi is pushing this young man in the wrong direction; more hard work in the wrong direction; story of our lives.

So to make amends check out this link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjkykK-kRjA

May be its too late for us but could help you young gen to avoid the mistakes we made: getting into the hunger games.

And thanks for the patience.

Akpors Goes To Court!

Akpors and his wife were in court for divorce, the problem is who gets custody for the child!
The wife.... Jumps up n says, ur
honour i brought the child into this world in pains and labour,he should be in my custody.
The judge turns to Akpors and asked what he has to say?
Akpors: (calmly) "Your honour,if i put my ATM card into ATM machine and Cash comes out. Whose cash is it?
THE MACHINE OR MINE?

Akpors walked into class with a red eye.

Teacher: what's wrong?
Akpors: My house is very small. I, my Mum and my Dad sleep on the same bed.
Every night, my dad asks,"Akpors are u sleeping?"
I replied No and he slaps my face and calls me stupid boy.
Teacher: Tonight when ur dad asks again,
keep dead quiet and dont answer.
The following morning, Akpors comes back worser than he was the other day eye.
Teacher: My goodness! Why all these again???
Akpors: Dad asked me again, Akpors are you sleeping?& i shut up and kept dead still.
Then my Dad and my Mum started moving, you
know, at the same time mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my
dad asked my mum, "are u cuming?"
Mum said, "yes, i'm cuming, r u cuming too?"
Dad answered, "yes."
They dont usually go anywhere without me
so i said, "wait for me, I'm also coming!"

Akpors got to school on monday
morning and the
Teacher Asked: why did you come late to school?
Akpors: "one man lost #1,000 Note at the bus stop.
Teacher: Oh! dat's Gud of you, were you helping him to look for the money?
Akpors: NO Sir!!! Im not CRAZy.
i was standing on it.....!!!

CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE FATHER.

Kate: Daddy, did you remember teling me that, when a man get ontop of me, he is digracing my family?

FATHER: Yeah, gud girl, i know you don't forget easily...so
continue..

Kate: Last night when i went to Akpors' house. He tried getting ontop of me while on the bed,
bt i refused.

Father: That's my girl. I knw u will never disappoint me, so what happened next?

Kate: I got ontop of him instead, and i disgraced his family....