I read all the replies and feel compelled to say this...People stay in toxic relationships for various reasons, reasons that are extremely personal and totally unique to their situation...And remember, not all relationships start out by being toxic...In fact, I would bet very few do...Life happens, people change, relationships become strained...It's never easy to let go of someone you love, but love does not guarantee a healthy relationship....I imagine most of us have experienced at least one toxic relationship in our lifetime because they are not exclusive to romantic love...They can happen with a friend, a co worker, even a family member...The only logical way to deal with them is to look to ourselves for a solution...Too often we waste time and energy trying to "change" the other person ...We forget the fact that the only person we have the power to change is ourselves....

Awwww... you^^^ have such a nice way! of putting things into perspective..

yes I know..!!.. putting my ball gag back on... and going to go.. stand in the corner..

Mothers love male and female children equally, but in the end the majority of what children learn about being a male/female is from the closest role model who is of the same sex. So, again it's the man's fault.

If playing on someone's weakness to use that person's lack of self-confidence due to being "puppy trained", as CrystalFairy explained, or lack of resources, mentioned by Estelle79, satisfies one of the partner's need to be in control, it is not a healthy relationship.
If someone realizes his or her position and still remains in this type of relationship it means that he or she accepted this role for some reason. I have seen such relationships and wondered what those reasons might be. Fit4ev er provided some of the answers.
I would disagree that those relationships can't be that bad in case of one partner being financially dependent on the other. For example, some women are aware of difficulties they would face as single mothers, so they decide to turn a blind eye to many things. Some even accept violence, which is a serious issue.

Why do some men continue in this way? They too are in a cycle. They may have grown up watching dad hit mom...and they may either accept it ad proper behaviour. Or they go the other way and decide to never hit their partners. We all have a choice in life to stop a cycle.

Personally, I have never knowingly entered into a toxic relationship...and I have most assuredly never remained in one once it revealed itself TO be toxic.



Ironically, not buying into the whole "online dating" phenomenon is a great first-step in avoiding toxic relationships. People who reveal while online that they're not quite over That Last A**h*le/That Last Biatch

are half-baked and not REALLY relationship-ready, yet.

A big part of the problem is that many toxic relationship behaviors are baked right into our culture. We worship the idea of carefree romantic love--you know, where two people ride off into the sunset happily ever after before they even truly know each other. And we are raised to objectify our relationships and guard them like personal property. Thus, our friends and lovers are often treated as assets rather then human beings of free will with whom to share true love and emotional support.!!

Situations change. People change. Some people claim they have changed, regret their behaviour and want to start over. However, in some cases baggage from the past along with some unresolved issues can be a heavy burden in future.
Before discovering Mingle I have met someone online and begun exchanging e-mails. He said he quit drinking after the divorce and tried to start over. However, it seems to me that he refused to face some of the other issues unrelated to drinking, believing his alcohol abuse was the only reason for failure of the marriage.
After family and friends tried to help him by pointing at some of the other issues (he didn't not specify what those issues were) he felt hurt and betrayed by them "because they took his ex-wife side".
He thinks most women are very ungrateful. They do not appreciate what men are willing to do for them. He couldn't find a decent women who is financially independent, has a job and her own car (because he doesn't have a car and that's why women do not want to date him), does not expect a men to go shopping together or do any repairs (because he doesn't like working and really likes women who do it on their own), understands he needs his time and space, but can be there for him on weekends when he gets a day off (however she should keep in mind that as a superintendent he works most weekends) and when he is in a mood to get together (because he works so hard and has an important position with huge responsibility ). He also mentioned that when he had money he didn't have a good relationship with his children (who live in the other province) and now he doesn't have the money, but has a good relationship with them. However, he complained they call only when they need something and now he has to take a loan to help one of his children with a mortgage down-payment, because he already helped the other child the same way.
After such an introduction he invited me to meet in a corner store close to the building where he works as a superintendent, to buy us a meal and offered me a friendship with benefits disregarding the fact I clearly stated I am not looking for such a relationship in my profile.
I respectfully declined an invitation to meet in person and wished him more luck with someone else.
He was hurt as if he offered me a Holy Grail and my refusal proved him that I am just another ungrateful woman (like most other women) who didn't appreciate him because he doesn't have a car and can't recognize a good hard working man who wears his heart on a sleeve. That was the end of our correspondence. At least I taught so.
Than out of the blue he e-mailed me to ask how to block "all these 20 years old who want sex with him in a hotel room", because he is not interested in them. Amazing!
The beautiful world of online dating! LOL

OMG, journey!!!

I hope all that information was put in the very first email/correspondence between the two of you; with all THOSE red flags a-wavin', there's no way I'd continue talking to him after the first 2 or 3 got revealed.


Oh. Wait. Why do I not doubt that all of that was put in an 'initial' introductory email?!? So many people operate from a space of waaaaay TMI, thanks to the 'anonymity' of online.


Yeah...that was a really good example of someone who thinks they've moved on, but they're still firmly entrenched in the BS [that caused their last relationship to *end*].

Folks, when it comes to toxic relationships, it isn't always the male who is toxic.

Who wrote that it was?

One would assume that *normal*, healthy, well-adjusted adults who are also heterosexual would find that the other party is the cause of its toxicity, otherwise THEY wouldn't be normal, healthy, and well-adjusted. One would also assume that those same heterosexuals would put an end to their involvement within the toxic relationship,


if they'd like to hold on to the labels.



ETA: Displays of passive-aggressive behavior is an excellent indicator that the relationship is going to be "toxic".

It was a VERY short correspondence and I left out some juicy stuff beyond TMI from his last e-mail which was supposed to convince me to jump on his offer of FWB. I couldn't stop laughing after reading it. ROFLMAO

Of course not! Both men and women equally need to resolve some issues from the past relationship(s) before moving on to the next one.

Once having experience with toxic persons, you recognize it in complete strangers, employers, persons in positions of power and persons who take interest in you. Funny how they do not like being recognized for those traits.

so glad!! that you are all making such very good points.. in regards to this topic.... ..... what I can't understand is... and I know there's a lot that I don't understand...lol....
why is it ,that for the most part...
women enjoy romance.. I mean !.you read an awful lot of romance novels..
.. so you think.. you would be interested in a romantic partner...
.. one that knows how to lavish romance upon you. .. treat you like a lady... but yet so many of you settle for... quite the opposite.....
. harkening back to my original post..
. never brings me flowers... rarely takes me out for dinner...

but yet these Women.. stay in a very unromantic relationship... one of cold.... straight to the point intimacy...
....hmm... so I would have to think..
if this person grew up not knowing true romance...no... that can't be. correct... I have heard it time and again.. from so many women.... how they we're longing for romance in the relationship.. tenderness compassion... the softness of a passionate kiss... hands fingertips that only wish to please her....

.. but yet they stay...hmmn.

.

Better the Devil you know.
[quote ]so glad!! that you are all making such very good points.. in regards to this topic.... ..... what I can't understand is... and I know there's a lot that I don't understand...lol....
why is it ,that for the most part...
women enjoy romance.. I mean !.you read an awful lot of romance novels..
.. so you think.. you would be interested in a romantic partner...
.. one that knows how to lavish romance upon you. .. treat you like a lady... but yet so many of you settle for... quite the opposite.....
. harkening back to my original post..
. never brings me flowers... rarely takes me out for dinner...

but yet these Women.. stay in a very unromantic relationship... one of cold.... straight to the point intimacy...
....hmm... so I would have to think..
if this person grew up not knowing true romance...no... that can't be. correct... I have heard it time and again.. from so many women.... how they we're longing for romance in the relationship.. tenderness compassion... the softness of a passionate kiss... hands fingertips that only wish to please her....

.. but yet they stay...hmmn.

.

As you know, no1, most people do not show their true self until around 4 months into a relationship, Psychopaths, never do.

btw, no1....

Answer:


Had the above-quoted person said "Why do some people continue in this way?", then I would not have commented.