People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F*ck off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No d*ck nose, I paid $9.00 to come to the theatre and stare at the f*cking ceiling up there. What did you come here for?

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?

When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going? You should know asshole, you f*cking pulled me over.

When people say "Life is short." What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What? Are they going to f*cking do something that's longer?

When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favoor! It's on god damn piece of paper!

When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here asshole!

Oh, I love this one...I'm glad you brought it back...I guess alot of things Piss me Off, I need anger management.

OK, when I bite into a burger and I'm half way thru and the beef starts falling out the end of the burger; Damn it.

i know where you got that, that was on funnyjunk.com

i LOVEEEE THiS ONE..
THANKS FOR THE FUNNiES..

This is funny uk1971 especially the remote control one. However you forgot the one where a person backs the vacuum over the same piece of dirt hundreds of times because they don't want to bend over and pick it up. Even I am guilty of this one.

Lots of laughs on this one

GOOD ONE