A pretty risky business this dating stuff, you never really know, do you? Especially us more mature folks gotta look after ourselves. But I've got a buddy who works in a DNA lab that helps me out once in a while. Science works...

The other day I went to meet this attractive but somehow strange lady. I suspected that not everything was quite where it should be, so I took a swab off her cappucino cup when she was in the bathroom. The guy calls me late and he sounds very concerned. 'Look', he says, there's a major issue here! She's got either Alzheimers or Syphillis - only I can't be sure which with the sample you got me.' 'OMG' I cry out, this woman is very attractive, and I had anticipated more. 'What am I going to do?' I ask. 'Well,' he says, 'why don't you take her for a walk in the park and then just sneak off?' 'Now why would I do that?' I ask. 'Well', he says, 'if she finds her way back, for heaven's sake don't have sex with her!'