This is a song written by Voltaire, but I figured it would belong here since it's written as a joke. Voltaire is a Gothic singer (one of my favs) and all of his stuff is just funny. When reading this, put it to the song from The Wizard of Oz.

"I'd be thinner, I'd be taller
Go clubbing in my collar
With skin pale as a moth
Dressed in black, I'd go creepin'
While the normal folk are sleepin'
If I only were a Goth
With my hair up, I'd look fancy
Like Siouxsie and the Banshees
With silk or velvet cloth
Dressed in boots, never sandals
And the room would be lit with candles
If I only were a Goth

Yes I'd wanna die
From the bottom of my heart impure
Would I like another clove? Well, sure
And after that, we'll go listen to The Cure

I'd pretend to be a vampire
Like in stories 'round the campfire
I'd suck your bloody froth
Yes the thing I'd be best at
Is impersonating Lestat
If I only were a Goth

In my casket purse I'm toutin'
Einsturzende Neubauten
And pagan hymns to Thoth
Yes the world would be depressing
Over death I'd be obsessing
And this corpse that I'm undressing
Would be sexier, I'm guessing
With my diet I'd get scurvy
And I'd worship Peter Murphy
If I only were a Goth"

My roomate and I drive around singing this all the time.