Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a
great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to city Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I
would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then I said,
"But this is for a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like.
Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years
old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I
told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a
special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long
as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you
don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said,
"Funny -- I have the same problem."

One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing
there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the
contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't
understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that
cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore."

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge
said, "This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "That's
not unusual. It happens to a lot of people."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking for him. A cop came
over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in
the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex.

My case comes up Friday.