I have date Saturday night with a guy I really like... Yaay
However, I'm so jaded from online dating I think there's a devil behind every angelic smile and a deviant behind every kind gesture

I have a HORRIBLE habit, of psycho analyzing EVERYTHING, I'll admit it, but I feel you sort of have to with online dating.

Am I going overboard? Should I simply enjoy the date for what it is... a pleasant evening out.
Or Should I keep vigilant?
I'd hate to be one of those chicks on 20/20 where you only see my picture and my best friend is saying how great I was, but If only she had seen the signs!

That would suck !

I think that most of us do this.

Personally, I expect women that meet me from internet sites to be a bit mental. The last one that I met said to me that she thinks that every girl has a problem.

I think that there are two things that you have to bear in mind when meeting someone from the internet. First, they are someone that is doing something as mad as meeting somebody from the internet. Second, when you meet them face to face you are going to find out a bunch of stuff about them that they would probably have never told you when you were just someone from the internet.

To answer your question though, I think that you have to go with whatever your gut feeling about the person is and certainly watch out for the red flags. Even if they are completely honest with you about themselves people can still come out with things, or behave in such a way, that can give you indications about what you're letting yourself in for.

The question is, how much craziness can you handle? The dangers of meeting people from the internet are exagerated but if you're going out there expecting to find someone that's totally sane and "well ajusted" you are likely to have a long search and when you find them you might just discover that they are actually really boring.

God.. I hope not Actually, it's not my " safety" I'm worried about either...

My biggest concern is that he's a SERIAL DATER. I don't go out a lot, so when I do... it is with someone who's truly captured my attentions.

with that said... There are really skilled serial daters everywhere, even in real life!

Some people know how to play the game So well, you don't know if it's you being overly cautious or you have reason to not trust this person.

Just take things slowly. If you have a relaxed pace and let a relationship grow naturally you will see the person's true colors come out in patterns of behavior, and it doesn't take a great deal of effort to notice.

Have fun, enjoy each other, just be aware. It'll make for a far more enjoyable dating experience, even with people you'll ultimately not want to date! =)

makes sense Thanks!

Yeah, that's my main concern with it as well. I've met women through the internet that I really got on with and then all of a sudden they get weird on me and won't even take my calls.

My own thoughts about it are that such people probably don't deliberately set out to mess people about. I think that what happens is that they just can't handle it when it starts to feel real and then they move on to their next victim. The last girl that I met was always getting texts from ex boyfriends and telling me that they were arseholes. Maybe she's thinking that I'm an arsehole now. The last date with her was great, apart from her going a bit quiet at the end. Then I got the weird phone call and that was that. No dumping; no calling me an arsehole; just a weird phone call and that was it.

I said to my ex that we may have argued and she may have been a bit of a pain but at least we communicated. I don't think that the serial daters really get to the proper communication stage. Unfortunately, when you start dating somebody you're taking on all of their baggage and personal history. I know exactly why they go weird on me. It's because they don't trust me. They don't trust any guy, or don't want to. You get too close to them and they run away.

Dating anyone weather from on line or off if you practice basic safety precautions you are not at as much risk as sensational media likes to suggest.

This goes for women and men. The number of men being victimized is way higher than people think.

Cam phones are less than $20; someone who is not willing to chat at least once on cam is not worth your safety.

When you leave home tell a trusted friend or at least leave the photo and info on the person you are meeting in a place it could be easily discovered. If you think cash strapped police are going to bring a computer specialist or CSI investigator to look for you then you are kidding yourself. Chances are if you don't leave the infor mation to find you that your parents or friends can find you then you are on your own or just going to be one of millions that just vanish.

Secure your residence when you leave. There is usually way more at your home to rip off than on your person. Assume a criminal knows more about you than you think they do. If you have been dumb enough to advertise you have expensive art, jewelry, motor cycles, guitars, computer sets ups or weapons the date may be more about getting you out of the house.

First dates should always be in familiar public places. Do your homework and study the mall, stadium, casino layout before your date. Going to these public places may not be the most memorable romantic first date but you are much less likely to be pick pocketed, assaulted, or taken to another destination under force if you know where you are.

Take your own transportation. Do not have your date walk you back to your car until you have checked them out. They capture your license tag they can find out pretty much whatever they want to know about you. Always leave your documents in a locked glove box. Know how to get our of your locked car trunk. Leaving a bottle of water in your trunk can save your life.

Criminals can be in and out of your house before you can drive home. Maybe what they want to do is put a camera in your house to watch you or rip you off but they only need a few minutes. If you have an ex and or you have kids they may just be trying to see if you have adequate child care so don't assume your date is just a date.

Figure out what you are going to need for funds for the date and don't flash around other funds or credit cards. Carrying a date credit or debit that is not linked to all you other accounts can save big hassles. NEVER leave your phone, purse or wallet laying around or show photos you have there.

If and when you finally have a date to your home, something that you should avoid even if you have to pay for a hotel room be smart lock keys, and other valuables in a closet, spare room, or file cabinet. Secure weapons.

Dress conservative and leave the bling at home. Is showing off a expensive handbag, the latest cool technology, or expensive watch worth getting mugged. Until you know your date is meeting you alone assume they are not.

As far as a serial dater? I would assume it until proved otherwise.

No.. Them getting weird because it's getting " too real" isn't what I would say about the men serial daters. For them it's about how far can they get a woman to go based on the fact that she really likes him. I'm not a teenager, I only go as far as I want to go. What pisses me off is when I like the guy and his true " serial dater" colors come out. THAT pisses me off... that's what causes the baggage amongst a lot of women! I'm wasting time with this numb nuts when I could be with someone else or home washing my hair!

Thanks pacific... you always give great advice!
and Yes, I believe every online guy is a Serial dater, which is partly the problem.

Is he looking for a real partner... or " Just Looking"..I hate when profiles say this.

Actually a guy who says he is just looking is often the one that is being cautious himself. Yea he may be married and curious what dating sites are about but more likely he just doesn't want drama in his life and is not going to jump into a dime store novel romance until he figures out if you are normal. Good guys are not desperate and will watch and see the lay of the land before they amp up their response.

These guys that come on all hearts and flowers have the rap down to a science are the ones you want to blow off. They will use you for arm candy or whatever and when the new wears off for them which is generally after the first date or two you are back burner and they are looking for a new challenge.

The ones that come off all booty hurt how they just want a nice person are the ones you want to run from because they will be way over the top way to fast and then when you reject them they can become belligerant and malicious.

I'm taking notes!

Ah, you're just talking about players. I can only talk about the women that I've met and I've got to admit that them trying to get into my pants isn't something that worries me that much. I tend to attract a particular type of woman though. I mean, if I don't "get anywhere" with them it's basically because they aren't my type, or I'm not theirs.

I'm not an American, or a professional. I don't even have my own transport and nobody takes their car into Edinburgh city centre these days anyway.

I was talking to someone about the last girl that I met through the internet recently and I was saying how she just met me off a bus and she was fine about coming round to my home after only chatting for about an hour or two. To me that's "normal". It's these paranoid ones with all of their safety precautions and not trusting you enough to just meet for a simple date that are the weirdos. I'm not going to even get a date with those ones anyway though and it doesn't matter how much of a nice guy that I am because if they lead me to think that they like me I'm probably going to think that they want to do more than just drinking coffee and holding hands.

It's a funny thing. When I talk to women on the internet they go on about all these guys that are trying to get into their pants and when I meet them, guess what they want to do with me?

I agree with what everyone else had said so far, if you use common sense and just relax and enjoy yourself, it should go well. Nothing is guaranteed, whether you found him online or in the "real world." So many people are leery of online dating, but the majority of the scumbags and azzholes I met in real life.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

Thanks!!!

Tawt I'm not sure how to take this? Lol Maybe it's because you aren't American which is why your defenses aren't up when a chick wants to meet after 1 or 2 hours of talking with you?
I wouldn't feel safe to do that and those ARE the players ( Serial Daters) the ones quick to meet up. The quickest I will meet anyone is 30 days. If you can keep my interest that long, we can see where it goes on a face to face date!

Enjoy your date! Look for some adventure, fun, and possibly a little romance. Don't worry. Keep your 25 caliber Beretta strapped to your thigh with your stiletto style combat knife!

Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

See... Now THAT'S Preparation!! Well, If I'm going strapped I'll need to wear the Matrix Suit

Geez, I hope he doesn't think I'm playing a dominatrix

If you want to "test" him. Wear two Berettas but one lower on the leg so he can see it quicker. Let him grab it if he can cause you will leave that one unloaded. After you see what he does with the empty one, you can show him what you can do with the loaded one! You can always use the combat knife for that "special" fun!

I think that you should dress up, go out, have a great time and using good judgement, decide afterwards. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are aware of the pitfalls. At the very least, you will have a night out that hopefully will be very enjoyable! Have fun and let us know how it turned out

Thank you! I certianly will report back... unless we run off and get married! Joking!!