Why do I always have a hard time emotionally when I break up with a partner and others take it much better?
Also why am I not able to absorb advice and words of wisdom that are said to me even though it makes sense to do so?
How can I be stronger like this?
The worst thing is that I am very strong and some would say confident at work and where I teach and people ask me for advice, but I cant see my own advice...
Whats wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you Its just you need more help dealing with your feelings and sorting out how these affect you and how you relate to women,

Actually, what you may be seeing is people's public image. On the surface they appear calm and collected, like nothing bothers them (that's often me). At home, in the privacy of their own space, it's a different story.

If you truly cared about someone, it may very well hit you hard sooner or later. You'll miss them, you'll be tempted to go back to them at some point (I'm pretty sure love is compared to a drug for a reason), but not everyone is so open about it.

Because your a real skin and bones heart beating human being who has feelings for people, some just hide it better than others.Stay real my friend sometimes love cuts deep. Love, learn, and live I say!

Thank you guys. It was a hard decision to post this as I was expecting some "man up" advice from someone out there.
I know what you mean about people hiding emotions and I am terrible at hiding how I feel especially when it depresses me.
However I do know of at least 3 closeish friends who have split and within a short space of time they are like, well It hurt but now I must move on and they do just that..
How???

How do I "man up" ?

In some cases, they're trying to kill the pain by replacing it with new sensations. I don't consider that approach a healthy one, and often results in transference of some kind. Usually the negative kind - such as bitterness or resentment carried over from the break up then being taken out on the new partner.

Best to deal with the break up first and move on when you're in a better place emotionally and mentally speaking.

Yeah thats the thing, how do you deal with it especially with the kind of friends we have (referring to our other post)
I don't have anyone to really turn to. The ones that listen give good advice but leave you with it thinking thats it they have done their bit.
I know there is light at the end of the tunnel but I dread the thought of going through the darkness alone.
Don't get me wrong, some days I am really positive and happy to talk to people about anything, then other days I feel really low and don't have the energy to talk to anyone and all I do is ponder on unhappy thoughts.

You need to invest in a torch! I find, most days, that it's incredibly liberating knowing how much **** the world can throw at you and you're still standing, even if you're standing alone. Once you're through the darkness that is. It's only those fleeting moments within the tunnel that I feel at a loss because I know, if it gets bad in there, I have nothing to fall back on. Once I'm through, I feel much stronger and prouder of myself. A kind of 'screw you, world - you tried to bring me down and failed!' attitude.

It took me a lot longer to truly "man up" than what others may have seen/heard about me.

Think of it as a broken bone, sure you could "man up" and "walk it off" but if it didn't get properly set, it is forever going to be "screwed up", the best advice, take care of it, if that means reflection, seeking therapy, prayer, or whatever you think may help. In the end, it takes time, just time.

It took a complete change of perception for me, and i remember the exact moment it happened. I had decided that I wasn't going to sit around and mope so instead I distracted myself by doing things that my Ex would have never done with me, I found that I enjoyed being single, and apparently once you put off that vibe some woman will come along and try to kill it not really, but once I did find out I didn't mind being single I found someone soon after.

My advice to "man up" is simply take the required time, and find out what YOU want to do, and DO IT!

It took me a lot longer to truly "man up" than what others may have seen/heard about me.

Think of it as a broken bone, sure you could "man up" and "walk it off" but if it didn't get properly set, it is forever going to be "screwed up", the best advice, take care of it, if that means reflection, seeking therapy, prayer, or whatever you think may help. In the end, it takes time, just time.

It took a complete change of perception for me, and i remember the exact moment it happened. I had decided that I wasn't going to sit around and mope so instead I distracted myself by doing things that my Ex would have never done with me, I found that I enjoyed being single, and apparently once you put off that vibe some woman will come along and try to kill it not really, but once I did find out I didn't mind being single I found someone soon after.

My advice to "man up" is simply take the required time, and find out what YOU want to do, and DO IT!

Thank you isaac, that was a nice way to look at it as a broken bone. Good analogy but its true.
I have times when I feel like I have been kicked in the chest by a donkey and had the wind knocked out of me. Then other days when I think this must be happening for a reason.
Thing is you see couples together and happy and I look back at what I had and it hurts to be alone. I dont have the energy to go clubbing or wine bars and attempt to compete with every other bloke for some attention of someone you find attractive.
I suppose as isaac said time will heal but when the so called cast is on you want it off as soon as possible.

You always have an answer to everything. .
You make me sick...
Why cant you live round the corner to me and be my friend..?
Hindsight is a wonderful gift. And the feeling of resolution once your out the other end so crystal clear and you wonder why you stressed so much... but when im in it I cant see a way out.

@GreekAdonis: Funny, my stepdad was saying that to me earlier! haha. I actually do plan to move south after my degree, but we're looking at 2-3 years, unless good job prospects come up before then that mean I can afford to live there. I doubt that'll happen though.

In terms of the not finding your way out - would you like me to draw you a map? It'll point straight ahead. Don't walk backwards, don't veer off course, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll find yourself getting closer and closer to your goal. Chin up, Mr. You'll be just fine <3

I know how you feel. What I think my problem has been in the past has been having unrealistic ideas about my relationships with women and having what you could call faith that it would all work out and that there would be a happy ending, even when I really knew that I was just kidding myself.

My last relationship was a bit different. I wasn't sure about her and told her so and that we would just take it slow and see how it went. Didn't mean that I didn't really care for her or hope that there would be that happy ending but I just wasn't pinning all my hopes on her and now that it seems to be over I do still think about her but accept that I have to just let her go and move on. She messed me about but I'm not bitter about it. It wasn't really her fault that she was the way that she was and the damage was done long before I met her. It hasn't been that long and I'm not saying that I wouldn't like to see her again but I'm just trying to look at it as one of those things and something good that happened in my life this year.

It's good to think about someone that you've lost and what happened between you and you do probably have to grieve if you have had your heart broken, or look for some sort of closure, or just get on with things but not so great to be bitter, or angry, whatever they did to you and that's the problem that I had and the problem that I see with a lot of people on here that say that they are fed up with the opposite sex and are happier just being alone.

You resist what is. This is why.

Accept what is and move on.

I learned this from a wise guru.

Resistance is the cause of all pain.

My first question would be "Why do you HAVE to Man up?

Why don't You get to feel sad, angry, grieving whatever you feel? Did someone wave a magic wand over you and edit your negative feelings out just because you are a man? Stand up dude turn around, let me see? Nope no shut off button I can see. lol

Does it seem like some people "handle" things better than others? Yea I am sure there are some people who do. So what? Is it written on the wall you have to be in the top 1% of everything? Come on give yourself a break.

IF you genuinely don't think you are coping well that is another matter. It is pretty easy to tell because people will more often than start telling you so. Usually it is sympathy, then joking around, and at some point people are going to cut you off socially. If you have someone externally, especially close friends, that are telling you "hey Man up" then I would say time to get some counseling.

Something that can be really effective. They can show you ways to develop coping skills, ways to down load stress, to understand the emotional cycle of grieving failed personal relationships, and move forward wiser and stronger. That doesn't necessarily mean not feeling but keeping the feelings in proportion.

I think you might want to check yourself if you are chronically falling apart over an extended period and can't function to do your daily things but being bummed around the first couple rounds of holidays, special anniversaries, when you have to get back into single life that you really didn't want to have some angst is to be expected. It is so common the average person can spot you and long term single joke about "there goes the walking wounded". Anyone who looses a partner goes through a "hateful" stage. It is part of the separation process. Hopefully it is relatively mild and short and you keep your comments out of the "greater" world.

OFF THE NET. Even if that means going back and editing things or curbing posting when your resolve to be fair might be less likely to help you self edit. NEVER posting exhausted, upset, under the influence. Not saying that applies just a general scenario comment.(A growing justification for family court judges to issue mutual restraining orders that specifically include media postings as well as just being in proximity to keep the fueds in litigaton from even starting.) It takes time to adjust. Thankfully most people are pretty cool about giving others "grace" to do things that are kind of embarrassing or a little over the top but don't you give people "grace" in certain situations? So why not yourself?

And yea some people start out with the advantage of being the type of low key personality that doesn't get reveved up. But then world would be kind of a boring place if no one was romantic, passionate, exciteable. Especially when those things make going into relationships some of the fun of it.

Do some people who seem "strong" have their moments behind closed doors? Yea don't kid yourself. Often people who seem to be in control have their boohoo "sick" days from work, write their poison pen letters to close friends, burned pictures and other possessions in fits of rage in the BBQ pit? Of course. But they just know doing it publicly is going to get them "abuse" and they don't want to put a target on their back.

Maybe because someone helped them when they were younger, that is an important part of parenting. Some of our parents have no experience with divorce and are every bit as tore up about "break ups". Men of the prior generation have some pretty unrealistic expectations of boys and men. If someone is in the unfortunate situation that they have no parent in their life; at least close where regular heart to hearts aren't comfortable then having a fair view of how people "SHOULD' feel is probably not going to be very realistic or fair.

You know what they say about "SHOULDING" all over yourself right?

Im not sure what you mean about shoulding sorry?
I know people and myself shouldn't post when upset but it helps get it off your chest as a sense of expression.
I dont really drink and get drunk but as they say drinking helps people loosen their inhibitions and loosens the tongue.
Is it not a way of venting?

Men in particular have a hard time with expressing their emotions. I work in a very man orientated environment and the company I work for encourages counselling but very few take it up and want to talk about things weather it be bereavement, work or relationship issues.
Someone once said to me that there are I think 5 stages of breakup. Can't remember what they are.

I think what is meant by "shoulding" (should be doing) is that some people can become a little obsessed with how others react to situations, essentially comparing their reactions to someone else's. What I believe Pacific to mean is that some people have a parent figure to discuss these views with to work out what is 'normal', others don't. But whatever the case, it's best just to deal with situations as they are at your own pace rather than compare yourself to others. You are unique and your responses and reactions may also be different to others.

And I believe you're referencing the different stages of Kubler-Ross grief model:

The stages, popularly known by the acronym DABDA, include:[2]

Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."

Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"

Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."

Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

They just are. I never said I've never been heartbroken over ex's, but I know that after a certain amount of time, I have to move on. I cry for sure, but I like to stay positive. No point in wallowing. Some just handle it better than others. Write it down to the fact it ended for a reason. Do you really need it bothering you? I guess because I don't take stuff so seriously. I really couldn't sit and wallow all day. I'd go crazy. One day at a time instead of one WEEK at a time. lol