Hello my name is Nicole. I have an unusual circumstance and question the right thing to do. I identify as a Lesbian Christian Female, who is very morally honest and loyal. I believe in treating others as you wish to be treated. However, I have one tini tiny issue and I'm just not quite sure how to handle it correctly.

This question for genetic females only please.

I live full time and identify as a lesbian female and I am legally female as well, however I was born male. I certainly do not wish to mislead or hurt anyone, however, I've tried the straight out with approach and it NEVER had a successful response. As long as I identified as a Trans-Woman, that's exactly how I was treated. As a woman I have never been treated as just a woman until recently. And, because I am a huge advocate and activist for the trans community, its only recently I started identifying simply as female.

So, my question is this, if I identify as a female, and I am legally female, legal female name, half-way through my transition with both male and female parts, what is the proper approach to dating exactly?
Is it wrong to get someone to know me first before telling them the entire circumstances of my life? Would you be angry if you liked someone very much, then suddenly found out about this?

Any post or comments are greatly appreciated, but please be kind and understanding. I wish not to upset anyone.

Nicole

It's best to be honest from the start most men will run most likely but you'll find one that will understand and love you for who you are

Not looking for a man. Men are just not my thing. Been there, tried that. and men don't run when they find out, they just go from being romantic to being disgustingly perverted.

Nicole

Women I meant to say

Mmmm huhm...
My two cents; Be honest from point A! That's the only way to finding a woman who falls for you as YOU,than investing time and emotions,only for her to take off the minute she finds you have both!

Give honesty,u'll find honesty-nothing less!

Goodluck to you!

You dont have the right to deny another person full disclosure. Unfortunately not all are comfortable with your history but you have a moral obligation to share. Step up with courage and realize anyone you meet who does not know the truth will know a betrayal sufficient to take legal or physical action against you The positive aspect is that all future people who do respond will be of a caliber that will likely provide you with what you seek a genuine person able to accept and share.. Regards

Hi Nicole

welcome to mingle

I wasn't quite sure why you only wanted genetic females to respond. There might be some good points of view from many here regardless of sex.

And yes, people should be very respectful!

I specifically wanted a womans perspective at the time of writing, thats all.

Although I did propose the question, I certainly disagree. Everyone has the right to minimal disclosure from the first hello. Being forced to self identify as anything less than female is humiliating and de-humanizing. But, its my thoughts and most recent method to share the truth if the person seems interested. 99% of the time by the second phone call. BTW, ITS NOT ILLEGAL! ;) wink..

Thank you for your reply

Thank you for your sincere reply

you will appeal to a specialized group and I think you have to get used to the idea that you probably will not have the same universal appeal to men or women that women have who were born as females. You need to be completely honest from the very start. In my opinion anyway.

Thank you for your reply.

I am not a lesbian, but if I was I would appreciate you being up front with me. I would still give you a chance and get to know you BUT if I gave you time and got to know you then you dropped this on me I would feel a bit betrayed and put off. You do what you feel most comfortable with, this is just how I would feel. Good luck!

you're welcome good luck in your journey and search :)

Thank you for your reply.

I received the information I asked for and respect everyones opinion, and yes, perhaps on the internet, being up front is the best solution, however, please take a moment and put yourselves in my shoes. I consider myself an attractive passable female. I meet MANY people everyday who have no idea. Some, even flirt or Romantic gestures, however THE SECOND THE TRUTH COMES OUT....BAM..!!! No Respect at all other than can I get a BJ?

This is very hurtful..

Thank you for all replies..

Nicole

This would be quite insulting-to anyone!
And,seems to me its a vry hectic/tight situation... But,am sure u'll find a way to handle it..altho,I see it easier to disclose online than in real life dating arena-since,if added in online profile,you are free to sieve through before getting involved/attached,yet hard to disclose at first meeting with person in real life who end up changing their minds when you tell all!
Eish

I think you should be honest from the beginning of dating anyone. If you were born a man, you should tell them from the beginning even if you are going through the transitioning to become a female.
I think the problem is, what if a lady fell in love with you and then you told her the truth? She would wonder what else were you hiding from her. Even IF you don't want to do it on the first date, I think before you become intimate, the other person involved has a right to know the truth. Then they have the choice to stop or go on and give the relationship a chance.
I do hope you find the one you are looking for and I think honesty is the best policy!

I agree with everyone who is telling you to be honest upfront, it doesn't matter what kind of reception you get, people are either going to react positively or negatively, but you will only increase the negative reaction if you're not honest. Unfortunately, we don't get to decide how we are perceived in society, we are what people say we are.

In my opinion, I'm a person who paints. But to a lot of people, I'm a black woman who paints. Therefore, I'm often referred to as a black, female artist. Whether or not I take offense to that is irrelevant, that is how I'm perceived. As diverse as the world is, I'm sure there is someone who will be willing to accept you as a transgendered woman, but you still owe them the truth. Everyone has the right to accept or reject who they are in a relationship with. I don't care about being friends with a transgendered person, not to be cliche, but I am friends with several, but I refuse to be involved in any way with a liar. And when you withhold the truth from someone, for any reason, you are lying.

Good luck to you.