I need some help on a rather sensative subject. I have fibromyalgia. It is a chronic muscular disease... I will never be 'cured'.. but it wont kill me either.

I lead a fairly normal life... I have limitations, but I work full time and am raising my children. A lot of people don't know there is anything wrong with me unless I tell them.

Here's the problem.... when do I tell a date/possible date about this?

I have been divorced for just over a year (my ex couldn't deal with my illness), and have just started dipping my toes back in the dating pool. One date I had was upset that I hadn't told him before we went out and the one I told, cancled the date. I'm almost tempted to just not say anything.... any thoughts?

Sweetie, Truth is the way to go. Upfront and look at the bright side...You just weeded your garden out and now there is more room for your harvest to grow. Also, there are tons here with all kinds of issues. Be real and be true

I type for doctors and know of a woman who has rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia and she is off a lot of her meds, she tried an herbal called "mangosteen." Has been something of a miracle med for her. She is feeling better than she has in years, you might want to ask your doctor about it. If it can make you feel better, doesn't work for everyone, but who knows.

I agree with the truth up front. That way there are no surprises don't the line and he doesn't feel like you were dishonest with him.

Tanna,
I do understand your condition...I am a RN, and worked many years for a Rhematologist...there are things you can do that will improve your condition....I will not go into detail here, but I will gladly help you in any way....Please feel free to contact me....we treated many people with this disorder and had lots of positive feedback...and as far as the guys, you should tell them, if they cant handle it, then THEY are not worth it...You hold your head up high and face the world with a smile......you are a beautiful person, you deserve happiness.....

I have fybromyalgia tooo
sorry for your affliction....
I know all too well how horrible and painful it can be ..
an how they run when ya tell em your a damaged package...

I agree with the truth up front, but....

I don't think there's any need to bring it up on a first date. Is it any of his business that early-on?

might as well get it over with quick...... I guess I could pretend to be normal for awhile , maybe , its much better to just get it over with an let em no so they can run in the other direction before you get your hopes up...........

Oh wow! Thank you all!!

I am actually doing really good right now.... I really didn't know how much stress was affecting me physically until I got out of my marriage... and I had been WAY over-medicated!

Purplecat.... you and I both know we are not 'damaged goods'... but it is frustrating to try explaining to someone what fibro is and what it does.... because we 'look fine'. How long ago were you diagnosed? (I also have a 16 year old daughter that is showing all the early signs and symptoms)

True, but having been a cancer survivor (almost 17 years), I find that it's not any of his business until I decide he's worthy of knowing it.

bookworm.... I can see where your coming from... but on the otherhand, aren't you setting yourself up for a fall if you get to that point and then he bolts?

I don't think it is anyone's business until you are considering a LTR w/the person. Everyone has problems (not necessarily drama!) that they are dealing with. We can't all go around with these problems spelled out on banners across our torsos, like beauty pageant contestants that say what state they are from. Let him get the full picture and decide if he wants to deal with everything--the good and the bad--instead of putting the "bad" out there in front of everything. I hope you feel better, sweetie!

Well........ no.

I usually mention it after I get to know and trust him. I guess maybe the difference is that it's been so LONG since I had to even think about my cancer and it's not a big deal any more. But when it was, I figured it wasn't his concern AT FIRST. Maybe after the second, third date? I guess it depends on your level of trust with him.

11 years , I had pain as a kid though but they didnt believe me , I've had this as long as I can remember but a car accident made it ALOT worse 11 years ago . I think arthrytis is adding to it too now, I have my good days , but I would consider myself quite damaged , its ok I'm used to it , my brain has probebly benefited to make up the differences ..I guess ..

Exactly what I was tryin' to say, RiverGirl, except I'm brain-fried tonight. :o(

Hiya Tanna welcome to the site.
there's a thread on fibromyalgia in misc.

purplecat... I can trace my symptoms back to my early teens... but like you it took a shock to my system for it to really hit me. I was diagnosed 6 years ago... and have a LONG list of things I DON'T have, because they had no idea what I did have and tested me for everything!

catchme_ifucan.... I will go check it out! Thank you

sweetie.truth is best I have a lot of medical problems myself,And I can't work at this time,but I don't go into detail here but anyone I tal one on one with i tell upfront after a good conversation and the hi's have passed,its the way of making sure he can handle all of it,I've had to deal with most of my stuff since I was 4 years-old.The rest is a little newer but problems just the same.If its meant to be,it'll work out.Good luck hon

Do not believe for a moment luv that it cannot be cured...they are just syptoms of other things going on in your body. Please do not create your identity around dis-ease ... it is not who you are...

Living proof...

Love and light to you

Always be honest Hun... the really good person (which is what
you want) will like you no matter what...
You have oviousely had to deal with some jerks...


There is a post for fibro.... in the sections below if your interested.

It's good to be honest BUT there is a date and time to be honest. I don't think telling your health story on date # 1 or 2 is a good thing to do.

You can turn this the other way, there are guys out there with colostomy etc...chronic illness etc...they would darn be happy to find someone who can love them above and beyond their health status. The same goes for you.

You are a person before being an illness. Don't consider yourself of less value because you have fibromyalgia. Your ex didn't love you, otherwise, he would still be around. We see healthy people with no apparent defect date people in wheel chair.

I think it is a matter of where a person is spiritually and what kind of life experience they have as well as if they are materialistic or not. Of course, it can be more challenging but at the same time, when you will find the one, you will be sure that he is not going to run away at the slightest little thing.

People can have different levels of relationship, friendship etc...don't think of yourself as less valuable please don't do that.