depends on who files for what in the courts... my ex didn't give me any problems before we went to court, but most aren't like that... if she tries to keep the daddy from the baby, he'll have to take it to court...

Well My opinion is that when you have kids you have to set aside your feelings in circumstances such as this one. An do what's best for the child. If he's a good dad an does not harm her in any way then yes I would say it would be wrong to keep her from her father. Kids need both of their parents they are more confident and secure. I believe the child should have the privilege of having a relationship with her father.

Wh
ew this is interesting post.

First I react from my gut.

A mother's first duty is to protect her child from any and all abuse and or neglect. Unless she made it impossible for this father to be in this child on a weekly or daily basis from the start that he has only had a couple of contacts tells me he has abandoned his child and is both abusive and neglectful. I don't care if he is supporting the child or not.

That he has a history of abusing the mother, how that turns out to be defined is iffy but say it is ONLY not providing co-parenting and exposing her to additional sex partners/disease of both mother and child and neglecting to see that the Mother and Child's post partum needs are met is enough for me to demand that visitation be supervised until he is evaluated. Anyone who deludes themselves into believing someone who "hurts" a Mother is not capable of abusing a defenseless child knows little or nothing about the issue and is a poor risk as a parent.

As far as visitation with a sibling, that is not a twin, with an infant/baby under the age of three is more for the bragging rights of the father or trying to appease a jealous third party, probably the Mother of the step-sibling, than the benefit of either very young child. Anyone who knows children knows that their "play" is parallel at best until about that age. Babies/toddlers barely remember contact with or discriminate a choice for a playmate under 24 months unless it is to shy away from one that bites or physically dominates. Only marginal inactive play exists from 24 to 36 months. For some even later. Your child might miss the nurturing of the step mother or her father or other older surrogate in your absence but I would be more concerned about your child suffering from being ignored for whatever periods of visitation such a selfish parent.

I would also see forcing the two mother's into this kind of arrangement as abusive and indirectly abusive of both children who suffer from their mother's resulting stress. It is not like you are friends or partners on any level except misery. More than likely one is being used as an unpaid surrogate for the other which is not healthy family interaction unless you believe in polygomic parenting. Visitation is first and formost for the bonding of children with their parent not non-related siblings. My call would be for Dad to see this child independently and first establish a relationship with the child or to get lost. For all intents and purposes this is an adult that is a stranger to this child.

Since you state this a child is only from a "relationship" and an abusive one at that, I would highly recommend that you think long and hard about seeing an attorney and finding out exactly what rights/responsibilities this man has to this child. If paternity is not proved I would require it; my guess is he will run the other way. Then I would also proceed immediately to support enforcement. Not that I think you will collect a dime but so if it becomes necessary have a leg to stand on to keep this jerk out of your child's life. And at least, if he does die, you can collect against any death benefits; usually the only source of income you can actually collect without spending more than you can collect. If he happens to have Military or Native American benefits or property those. Hard to think of it now but eventually you are going to need to prove this income, or lack there of, to pay for higher education. It is also vaguely possible that this child's grandparents could leave assets that you can not touch if you have not established paternity/lineage. The grandparent's could choose to disinherit your child but most people do not write wills doing that if they even have one.

Life is not fair but if you are smart you can protect you and your child.

I am truly sorry that you and your child have had to endure what it sounds like you have and may face in the future. This is another case of past behavior being the best predictor of future behavior. Good father's do occasionally mess up and have multiple pregnancies going near to the same time and turn out to be good father's. Generally they get their act together and do a lot better than this early rather than later. Maybe not dealing with dual families but it is pretty clear your child is the second family or he is making all his out of wed-lock families distant second to his selfishness. Only you really know. I am more sorry than you know if that is a painful revelation.

If your daughter wants. And if you can both be civil and pleasant for the children's sake. It makes for better presents, important to a child. From experience I recommend trying, I know little girls pine for Daddy and if you could but didn't permit contact, recriminations later! Best of luck it is not an easy choice,you know the other parties be stand are best suited to make that decision.

There is the answer, if you don't think she may be harmed, then it is not good enough to hope she won't be. Err on the side of caution, he should be happy to accept supervised access or miss the joy. Seems he likes to be joyful.