It’s a strange thing thinking about 30, it always seemed like an age that was far off but now me and most of my friends have already hit it, the realization starts to hit…. I am 30.

Now I know that it’s just a number and does not mean a whole lot. I felt the same on Aug 4th as I did on Aug 3rd. But, 30 comes with a set of expectations that are not talked about but everyone just kind of knows. Things about where you are in life, is your life “on track”. The thing is if you look at my life I am definitely not ready for 30. This becomes apparent any time I go to a family function and the questions start to come. Things like “Anyone special in your life” and “when are we going to get a little Rob”, I always just smile and walk off but the truth is way more simple, I’m just not ready to be 30.

I hear these questions and it does not make me sad or depressed, they have just always scared the crap out of me. I can remember talking to a good friend about this and he said, commenting on how bad I am at relationships, asked me why I thought that was. I answered with the most honest I have probably ever been with myself, I said “You know, a lot of guys are scared of rejection, I have always been scared of acceptance”. This has always been true for me, maybe that is just the cynical side of me, but the truth is, I have never had a relationship in my entire life that I would call a success. I have had so many people tell me “you just have not found the right one yet” but I don’t even know what that means. That statement always makes me laugh, maybe there is this mystical creature that will make me change the way I think but that just seems so strange to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of a family someday, but that thought has always seemed so far down the road, otherwise, I am just not ready for 30.

The question now becomes, at what point does your own expectations and that of the world become the same. So many people base their own self-worth on the how the world around them thinks of them that someone like me that lives a(to be honest) selfish life seems strange and they assume that I must be unhappy. The truth is, I love the life that I lead, it’s not perfect, but it is mine. I have never been dependent on anyone and I have done everything on my own, and I am proud of that. Maybe that person will come into my life “when I least expect it” as so many have told me and at that point I might just be ready for 30 :)