Topic: Freefallin
CesBorg's photo
Sat 05/11/13 03:48 PM
This plane is my vessel,
It's brought me to the end,
Now I'm about to jump,
Then I will descend.

Anticipation,
Thoughts on creation,
From beginning to the end,
Final destination.

Well lad, what you at, what's in your head?
Power struggles, infinite thoughts,
Too many words said.
To many actions taken,
too many thoughts bakin,
torn soul ripped up,
If I'm not mistaken.

Complex thoughts, ups and downs,
Way up high, torn down.
Pure elation,
With life, a fascination,
Eternal Procrastination,
All Love, no hatin.

Of the plane, fall out,
To the sky, fall in,
What about your religion,
Is this not a sin.

So what is a sin,
How many have I committed,
What difference will this one make,
If my life is omitted.

Goggles on,
Chute prepacked,
Kinda pointless,
As it will leave my back.

May as well,
Be an empty sack.
Like smokin a joint,
Rolled with pure gak.

Out I jump,
Let my *** hit the door,
Goodbye world,
It's been a roar.

I am falling through the air,
Angels sing in my ear,
There voices so beautiful,
It evaporates my fear.

Can you hear there voice,
Is it just me,
The harmony and peace I feel,
I want it for thee.

I look around the clear blue sky,
Is this really the last goodbye?

The sun shines brightly,
The sky is clear,
Nothing around,
Though firm ground nears.

The air is humid,
But gravity cools,
Down I go,
Them's the rules.

Time for reflection,
Life flashes past my eyes,
God it's been good,
But here comes my demise.

Crystal clear water,
with a hint of blue,
In the sun,
I have swam through.

The finest music and artists,
I have heard,
But here we go,
I am not scared.

Most beautiful women,
I have kissed,
Can I change my mind,
They will be missed.

The finest drugs I have taken,
Up the nose and orally,
Giving me visions,
Making me feel free.


The ground comes close,
I close my eyes,
Open them,
My demise?

Cool breeze through hair,
Should I not be on red alert,
No I feel relaxed,
Sure I have released the hurt.

Push the button,
Push back my arms,
I'm diving now,
Fields and farm.

I'm freefallin,
Gravity ain't stallin,
Pullin me down,
Tears? Am I bawlin?

But I don't understand,
Sure I don't cry,
If this is true,
Right now, tell me why.

Are these tears,
Maybe it's raining,
A display of impulsive emotion,
What is its meaning?

Either way it's concerning,
Part of life learning,
That constant curve,
Always yearning.

So here we, are just one guy,
I'm pretty ****ed, I cannot fly.
Through the sky I fall,
Self involved, I realise now it all.

But it's too late,
It ditched my parachute,
Wherever I land,
It will be mute.

No takesies backsies,
That's my rule,
Stubborn ****,
Not a total fool.

So I will not scream,
I will embrace,
The choice I have made,
Now face to face.

It's been unreal,
Here we go,
End of the road,
No more air flo.

Gettin close,
Almost a ghost,
666,
Time to roast.

Bang, I crash,
Not the expected smash,
Not destroyed,
Just randomly gashed.

**** me pink,
Olay,Olay,
I'm in a farm,
I've hit the hay.

I have survived,
No more hitting the hay for me,
I whisper words,
A smile breaks free.

A second chance,
Much appreciated,
Rarely given,
I'm emancipated.

A lesson well learnt,
Do not take slightly.
Live your life,
Don't take it lightly.

So live it up,
Live fast and strong,
Not the cyclist mantrA,
Live your life and live it long.

It won't be easy,
Yet keep er lit,
I hope you understand,
The words I spit.

pkh's photo
Sat 05/11/13 05:43 PM
That was a great write. Well expressed I liked the ending

FearandLoathing's photo
Sun 05/12/13 07:17 AM
I'll be honest, when I first looked at it I was all "Damn, that's long." I usually don't like when things go too long cause it just seems to run on and repeat ideas over and over again, but to my surprise this did not; each line was fresh and they all flowed pretty well though I didn't realize that until I finished it.

Few critiques: Numbers 1-9 should be written, 666 would be six-six-six or something similar. The comfortable language was a bit offsetting as well, shortening down the ing in words just didn't seem to fit the mood set and "Lad" threw me off in the third stanza.

Decent stuff, clean it up a bit and you would be solid.

CesBorg's photo
Sun 05/12/13 07:53 PM
Yeah I know what you mean about the length of it, when I write it in my iphone it never looks so long until I put in on the computer and change the layout. I only started recently and don't know anything about rules of construction or layout, I usually just put down whatever pops into my head.
I was on the tube when I done that so I think it took around half an hour and I don't usually change anything apart from spelling mistakes. As for the Lad, that's slang for any male from where I come from so I tend to talk from my own perspective, that's probably a reoccurring theme in a lot of my writing as I hadn't intended to start showing people never mind putting it online.
Anyway, any input appreciated.

littlelambkin's photo
Sun 05/12/13 08:03 PM
Really a fine piece of writing
young and edgy