Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops f*cking you after you're dead.

Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlgriend?
A. He wiped his ass and moved on.

Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a *****?
A. Whore's f*ck everyone at the party, *****es f*ck everyone at the party except you.

Q:What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A:Toys for Twats

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*CK"?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

this is out of character for me but I had to post this:

THE WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been
dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was
only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger
sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight
miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend
down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It
had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near
anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to
check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I
got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total
shock, and couldn't say a word.She said, "I'm going upstairs to my
bedroom, and if you want one lastwild fling, just come up and get
me."I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight
towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law
hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our
little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.