I was married for ten years. I've been single again now for two, which I don't consider a 'long time'. But I'm comfortable talking about sex, and no, it isn't a matter of discussing favorite positions... more a matter of discussing our personal feelings about sex, how frequently we might each consider 'ideal' in a relationship, etc.

*shrug*

I didn't realize this was a discussion to win.

It's a discussion.

I was with my husband for 30 years until he passed-away. One of my friends has been married longer than I was and her husband is on the brink of death right now due to a heart condition. Sad!...My friend and I are not the kind of women who would rush right out and date again...And if we do go on dates we don't want to hear talk about sex with someone new right off the bat...We're all in different "places."

no but the drool in your chin needs wiped. be careful of the impression you leave. by now you should be able to tell if a woman will be fun in bed by what she is like outside of bed, or at least have a good guess. Does she see you as fun? what is fun? it is a relative term....if sex that is fun is what you are primarily looking for I feel that should be stated BEFORE meeting so neither of u is wasting the other's time

Even tho I am pretty footloose, I would think you were a pervert and a little uninteresting. and I hate qizzes on a date.

Right, I'm a pervert and uninteresting because I sometimes discuss sex with women that I'm dating. Just for the record, it's the women that usually bring it up and I already said that I don't talk about it in a sleazy way.

But yeah, when I date women it is because I want a girlfriend and that means a sexual relationship. Doesn't mean that I don't want other things as well but the fact remains that I am not going to click with any woman that thinks that I'm a drooling pervert because sex is important to me and I don't have hangups about it and am prepared to discuss it when it seems appropriate to do so.

The word prude isn't innocuous, which is why I criticized its use in the OP. The word is an insult. It is used to insult a person because that person is sexually reserved (or conservative).

If you wish to argue that the word prude is now gender-neutral, then so be it. However, in the OP, the word is used to describe a woman, unless the author of the OP is seeking to date a man.

Again, it is not necessary to use such a word when describing a person as being sexually incompatible. So, why is it used in the OP?

No, you are quite correct and I am not gay. This thread isn't just about me though and you can't make it into a sexist thing when I've got women here that seem like feminists agreeing with me.

Why do you take such offence at what I really do consider to be a rather innocuous term? Why take it as an insult? If I said that I think that it can be a good idea to try to find out how much of a pedant someone is would you object to that as well?

The English language is a wonderful thing and apparently the mods don't have a problem with me using the word "prude", so I'm not really bothered if you don't like it and it wasn't intended as a flame against any other poster here.

What difference does it make really? If I started a thread saying that I want to find out if someone is an idiot would you be complaining that I was using an insulting term for people of low intelligence?

I think that prudes do exist and I'll use that term if I like and I don't particularly care what the derivation of the word is or what it means in some town in America.

When addressing an audience, one needs to know how that audience interprets certain words.

In the USA fairly recently, a sports reporter was terminated from his job because he wrote that a particular basketball team lost a basketball game because the team had a chink in its armor.

The English word chink originally means "a narrow opening, such as a crack or fissure." This is the meaning that the sports reporter had in mind when he wrote the word chink.

However, the word chink has another meaning. The word is also used as a racial slur against someone who is of Chinese descent.

As it turned out, one of the star players of that aforementioned basketball team is Chinese. So, when the sports reporter used the word chink, the reporter's audience interpreted the word as being a racial slur used against the basketball player who is Chinese.

Did the sports reporter intentionally use a racial slur? No. He did so accidentally. However, his accidental use didn't change the fact that chink is a racial slur used against people who are Chinese.

So, what does the above-stated story have to do with the topic of this thread?

It is simple. The OP of this thread contains a slur that is often used against people who are sexually reserved. The word may not have been used for the purpose of making a slur, but the word can still be interpreted as a slur by some audiences. The word was not needed in order for the point of the OP to be made, just as that aforementioned sports reporter didn't need to use the word chink in order to make his point.

Actually, while the sportscaster's choice of words proved ultimately to be unfortunate, I don't think he really made a mistake at all. People can choose to seek offense where there is none intended, or they can choose to react by giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming that the speaker did not intend offense.

In my personal opinion, anyone whose native language is English yet who fails to realize the meaning of the word "chink" when used in the above context is, in fact, an idiot.

I don't think that you are listening to me. The sportscaster was sacked but I wasn't banned or told by anyone that I think is actually a mod here that I can't use the word "prude" if I want to.

I'm telling you that I don't really care whether people that are prudes don't like the term. People like that are very easily offended and that's what makes them prudes. I don't believe that I'm just addressing an audience of prudes here and I'm not going to be told by anyone apart from an actual moderator what words I can and cannot use. If this is about "community standards" here I'm not really noticing anyone complaining about it apart from you.

What ever word you want to use. I agree if there isn't any love making it isn't a relationship.

Your such a prude Mark!



Actually, I couldn't agree more!!

well I suppose I would consider it a lack of taste and manners, very disrespectful, but perhaps you will seek women who do not feel that way. It would make a very negative impression on me (until I knew you well - then that's different)and that's all I am saying is that it would be viewed negatively by me. not whether it is right or wrong or something you should do or not do

I guess it depends on the type of woman you want

and I am no prude BTW - howevre I will have respect, manners and good taste so I expect it in return - that's just me :)

actaully to be frank among freinds, I thought what mark said was kinda dumm. I mean there are all kindsa relationships that do not involve sex

and the best long term love relationships usually start out slowly and build. men who do not understand that I consider sorta emotional cripples.....even if & when they are very good friends

Well, that's odd because I'm reading your previous post that's quoted above and you seem to be talking about sex there. So, you don't mind talking about it with people on the internet but you wouldn't talk about it with a man that you were dating?

I said nothing really about how these conversations go but I did say that women usually raise the topic first and that I don't do it in a sleazy way. With the internet dating the women always say to me how there are a lot of creeps on these sites that send pervy messages or just seem to be interested in sex and when they say that to me they have raised the topic of sex have they not?

You replied to a thread about sex and we seem to be having what you could call an adult conversation about it here, so I guess that you can't be a total prude. You do go on though to say how you "expect respect, taste and manners" and although I am not entirely sure what you mean by that I could take it that you are making some sort of judgement about me and still want to call me a "drooling pervert" because of what I have posted here. As I don't think that I have said anything perverted and that you calling me one because of what I have said and what you are implying about "the type of woman I want" guess what that is making me conclude about you...

As a guy. If you have too many women in the freind zone. It hurts your chance at a relationship.

Prude? Pervert? Both these terms are used to put someone "down."...Same goes for all the other names and labels that float-around these days...I know I'm going to run into people who don't agree with me. Or people who don't "like" what I "like."...But I don't want to resort to name-calling. (Because no one likes to be called names. I know I don't.)

Well, I blame the parents. In my day kids had better manners and they played nicely with each other and didn't call each other names.