Topic: ~ the next time...original write | |
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i saw you
you were in a line standing over there and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself i noticed your eyes they were blue they were brown they were green they were the best i've ever seen and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself only looks,no words i hope i'm in your mind in your room tonight in your bed picture me behind closed eyes as you touch yourself (if you read the first one posted...which do you prefer...please) |
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..this one..
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Edited by
kc0003
on
Tue 03/05/13 06:13 PM
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i saw you you were in a line standing over there and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself i noticed your eyes they were blue they were brown they were green they were the best i've ever seen and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself only looks,no words i hope i'm in your mind in your room tonight in your bed picture me behind closed eyes as you touch yourself (if you read the first one posted...which do you prefer...please) since you asked: I like the 'idea' that comes across in the first one best. the two different views of the same scene. (however similar they were.) this one is ok on its own, but you already exposed me to the original 'idea'. |
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arriving late, i read this one first and really liked it. then after reading the original i have to
agree with kc, i enjoyed the duality of the first, more, differently. both are awesome on their own though, but i hope you know that already :) |
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tazzops...
Ainjel...thankyou! kc....i find the first one to be a view for two..almost a softer feel to me....this original...i felt it could benefit from the she/he view..... thankyou for playing...smiling. |
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bastet126...awww...you're generous!
score= 2 first.1 original |
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Edited by
DaySinner
on
Tue 03/05/13 07:04 PM
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I like the first post better.
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she i saw you you were in a line standing i noticed your eyes they were blue they were brown they were green the were the best i've ever seen and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself he i saw you you were in a line standing i noticed your hair you were brunette you were red you were blonde the best i've ever seen and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself ******************************* i saw you you were in a line standing over there and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself i noticed your eyes they were blue they were brown they were green they were the best i've ever seen and i hoped you'd think of me the next time you touched yourself only looks,no words i hope i'm in your mind in your room tonight in your bed picture me behind closed eyes as you touch yourself The first Teasing...It was unpredictable...and the "hook", when it came, was almost shocking...I find so many of your poems have the ability to "catch" me by surprise...What made the first one so sexy, so edible for me was how precisely you stripped bare the lusting mind, I thought it was very voyeuristic... |
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It makes me touch myself
hehehe I like both {And i like to .....you know} N A U G H T Y ! KiK |
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It makes me touch myself hehehe I like both {And i like to .....you know} N A U G H T Y ! KiK come on, make a commitment. either / or. (you're cementing the stereotype...haha) |
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Hehehe okay i will go with the first one as well
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Daysinner....thankyou for reading!
Leigh2154...you know,you never know if anyone will 'like' or 'see' anything worth responding too when you post written pieces...your insight is grand...and i thankyou for putting the pieces here... kc... KIK2me....thankyou! |
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Very sexy.with the right amount of Kink..Loved it
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i myself like both very much xxx hugs
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2KidsMom....with the right amount of kinky....awesome!
woznotwoz....sweet. |
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After reading I feel like. |
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