Topic: ~ the next time...original write
no photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:01 PM
i saw you
you were in a line
standing
over there
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself
i noticed
your eyes
they were blue
they were brown
they were green
they were
the best i've ever seen
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself
only looks,no words
i hope i'm in your mind
in your room
tonight
in your bed
picture me
behind closed eyes
as you
touch yourself



(if you read the first one posted...which do you prefer...please)

no photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:03 PM
flowers flowers flowers
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

no photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:08 PM
..this one..

kc0003's photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:12 PM
Edited by kc0003 on Tue 03/05/13 06:13 PM

i saw you
you were in a line
standing
over there
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself
i noticed
your eyes
they were blue
they were brown
they were green
they were
the best i've ever seen
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself
only looks,no words
i hope i'm in your mind
in your room
tonight
in your bed
picture me
behind closed eyes
as you
touch yourself
(if you read the first one posted...which do you prefer...please)

since you asked:

I like the 'idea' that comes across in the first one best. the two different views of the same scene. (however similar they were.)

this one is ok on its own, but you already exposed me to the original 'idea'.

bastet126's photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:21 PM
arriving late, i read this one first and really liked it. then after reading the original i have to
agree with kc, i enjoyed the duality of the first, more, differently. both are awesome on their
own though, but i hope you know that already :)

no photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:25 PM
tazzops...flowerforyou

Ainjel...thankyou!

kc....i find the first one to be a view for two..almost a softer feel to me....this original...i felt it could benefit from the she/he view.....

thankyou for playing...smiling.

no photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:26 PM
bastet126...awww...you're generous!

score= 2 first.1 original

DaySinner's photo
Tue 03/05/13 06:58 PM
Edited by DaySinner on Tue 03/05/13 07:04 PM
I like the first post better. flowerforyou

no photo
Tue 03/05/13 07:43 PM

she

i saw you
you were in a line
standing
i noticed
your eyes
they were blue
they were brown
they were green
the were the best
i've ever seen
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself


he

i saw you
you were in a line
standing
i noticed
your hair
you were brunette
you were red
you were blonde
the best
i've ever seen
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself

*******************************


i saw you
you were in a line
standing
over there
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself
i noticed
your eyes
they were blue
they were brown
they were green
they were
the best i've ever seen
and i hoped
you'd think of me
the next time
you touched yourself
only looks,no words
i hope i'm in your mind
in your room
tonight
in your bed
picture me
behind closed eyes
as you
touch yourself

The first Teasing...It was unpredictable...and the "hook", when it came, was almost shocking...I find so many of your poems have the ability to "catch" me by surprise...What made the first one so sexy, so edible for me was how precisely you stripped bare the lusting mind, I thought it was very voyeuristic...




no photo
Tue 03/05/13 08:43 PM
It makes me touch myself
hehehe
I like both
{And i like to .....you know}
rofl

N A U G H T Y !

KiK

kc0003's photo
Tue 03/05/13 08:48 PM

It makes me touch myself
hehehe
I like both
{And i like to .....you know}
rofl

N A U G H T Y !

KiK

come on, make a commitment. either / or.
(you're cementing the stereotype...haha)

no photo
Tue 03/05/13 09:29 PM
Hehehe okay i will go with the first one as well

:wink:

no photo
Wed 03/06/13 05:28 AM
Daysinner....thankyou for reading!

Leigh2154...you know,you never know if anyone will 'like' or 'see' anything worth responding too when you post written pieces...your insight is grand...and i thankyou for putting the pieces here...

kc...flowerforyou

KIK2me....thankyou!

no photo
Wed 03/06/13 07:36 AM
Very sexy.with the right amount of Kink..Loved itdrinker :banana: flowerforyou

woznotwoz's photo
Wed 03/06/13 10:47 AM
i myself like both very much xxx hugs

no photo
Wed 03/06/13 06:40 PM
2KidsMom....with the right amount of kinky....awesome!


woznotwoz....sweet.

no photo
Thu 03/07/13 05:22 AM

After reading I feel like. bigsmile