wow not a lot of guys on this thread! Guys hesitate to admit emotional abuse.

“love is blind” syndrome is what I think happens. The abused partner remembers the good feelings and fears the thought of being alone and the possibility of never finding those good feelings again. It is an addiction. You can live quite happily once you get through withdrawal. Only when your mind is clear of addiction can you act in you own best interest.

I am speaking from my own personal experience.

I think it's that you feel that on the "good days" you are getting it right and making them happy and on the bad days when they are putting you down and calling you a failure that's what you feel like. You want things to be good between you, so you are afraid to criticise them when they are constantly criticising you and trying to start arguments. Even on the "good days" you may be pandering to them and going along with what they want rather than doing what you want to do. Everything that you do is wrong, so you keep listening to the put-downs and try to work out how you can become a better person for them and make the relationship work.

What can happen is that the emotional/ verbal abuse becomes so bad that you want to run away from them or it drives you to drink. Then that gives them more amunition and they will tell you that they are the one that's putting the effort into the relationship and you aren't.

They may even say to you that they feel like they must have done something to you to make you like you are but again, you don't want to criticise them or say that it's their fault or that your relationship is bad, so you say it's your fault and that the things that they are saying about you are right and that they have the right to say them.

Emotional abuse can be more damaging than physical abuse..Control freaks are very clever and morally bankrupt, often due to the cyclic pattern of abuse...Their past pain and suffering allows them to justify their own abusive actions....They do not care who they hurt and they do not take rejection well...Sorry this happened to you Richard!

I think we form our views about love when we're young based on what we experience in our families...Most of the time both my parents were great! (Caring and level-headed and even playful at times.)...But every so often my Dad had rage-attacks and "turned mean."...Even as a child I refused to label my Dad's "episodes" as love. I knew something must be wrong with him...Later I realized that he had a tendency to "bottle-up" his feelings until he couldn't contain them anymore and "erupted" and "exploded" like a "madman."...I didn't want to make excuses for my Dad's behavior or call it love. He had a lot of problems that he didn't deal with or address. (At all.)...I know some kids copy and adopt the behavior of their abusers (or their abused parent) and consider it all normal. But I didn't want to do this...I wanted to be clear in my mind what constitutes love and what type of behavior is the opposite of love. (And actually abuse.)

One thing emotional abuse IS NOT is love
Love, real love for a person is the complete opposite of emotional abuse.
Whether it is loving a spouse or partner, a friend, your child or parent.
Love is not manipulative, inconsistent, disrespectful, inconsiderate, shameful, degrading, insecure, controlling, consuming, negative, dishonest, damaging, arrogant or belittling.
All of those things can be put into a very nice, sparkling, seductive, charming package of a person so it appears to feel like something good, but really it is not. You can put some sugar in poison to make it taste good so you will eat it but it is still poison.

Emotional abuse is poison that kills you a little everyday, and all your abusive partner is doing with the "good times" is using that as the sugar so you will keep eating the poison.

Great post KC....

Nice contribution.

You're right about the absence of men here.

But I see this kind of abuse to be just as de-womanizing to women and it is emasculating to men.

Great explaination! Thanks so much for this insight, Tawt!

The choice is ours to become or overcome.

You made a good choice GreenEyes!

Do all green eyed women lead parallel lives or is it just us?

Wow! Fabulous illustration!

It's all about "acting-out" to me...Feeling entitled to take one's anger and frustrations "out" on other people...Relying on scapegoats...Getting a "high" or "thrill" from "dumping" on someone when they least expect it and feeling no shame or remorse about any hurt inflicted on others...Secretly "whittling away" at someone's self-esteem and confidence to hold them "hostage." And denying all of it...I ran into some "weird stuff" in my earlier relationships based on my "unfinished business" with my Dad earlier in life...I "chose" men who seemed "okay" at first. But they had a lot of hidden insecurities and "old baggage" from their past too...It took me quite awhile to "heal" from my childhood and make better selections when it came to men.

I don't agree. I would say that it's de-humanizing for women. But women that are abused and are vulnerable more readily attract men that fantasize about rescuing them. Vulnerability is a very attractive feminine attribute to men. Men that are abused and vulnerable just look weak.

I think they would leave if decent jobs were available for women, and that is how they justify to themselves staying. No means to survive on their own, and it is despicable of men to treat a woman that way.

I get what you mean Hippy, but I think it would be more accurate to say some women stay because they are not qualified for the decent jobs...And usually this is because they have devoted years to the hard, low paying job of mom and homemaker....Decent jobs are available and battered women deserve to receive the training and schooling necessary to equip them to leave an abusive relationship and still be able to provide for themselves and their children...

That is why if I ever marry again I will want my woman to be the best she can be, even if it means paying for more school. I don't want my love to be destitute when I leave Earth.


Edit more from my

Yes, love really is blind to emotional abuse! i went through 15 years of it....being told that no-one else would put up with me s**T, being swore at, pulled down in front of others. i did not see it, my parents tried hinting but i would not see.
One day i got a subtle wake up call from a complete stranger...he said that i was beautiful but my eyes were full of hurt and pain...it made me think...really think! Its what i needed, simple as it was but much needed. The very next day when he came in from work and started getting at me i just laughed...like a demented idiot...packed my bags, kids and dogs and left!

(((Hippy)))

These victims of emotional abuse are having “love is blind” syndrome.

love is not supposed to hurt. when it does, continuously, we have to look to our selves, not the perpetrators. people only treat us the way we allow them to.

love itself is not blind, most of the time, it is the fear of losing love that prevents us from acknowledging what we see.

I think it's the love is blind syndrome now with physical abuse it's fear. Sometimes the good times are amazing but if that person got away long enough they'd see things clearly.