It was almost four in the afternoon when they arrived.
Nick opened the door for the officer and they went inside where Nick reminded Dan of his earlier request. Dan told him that the two snowmobiles just left to go back to crash site and attempt the recovery or at least set up for a morning extraction. The weather had begun to clear and they had a good window of opportunity.

Nick then looked at Dan and at that moment Dan said “No, you’re not taking the government issued truck either. You can take Rex if you want though”. “You have to be kidding me” he replied. “Nope” commented Dan.

Nick went to the water cooler and replenished his empty bottles and bid farewell to all and then shook the hand of the officer he had just met that morning.

Walking across the parking lot towards the barn he could barely recall the last time he had ridden Rex. Did he remember me he thought to himself as he pulled back the sliding door of the barn? He walked over to the stall and greeted Rex with a pat on the neck and a stroke on his forehead between the eyes. “So old boy we meet again.” He kept talking to the horse as he gathered the tack and readied the horse for the ride into the night.

When Sarah awoke she wandered out into the living room, her hair all a strewn and her clothes all wrinkled and matted to her body. “Good morning” giggled Foxtails wife as she pointed towards the bathroom for her to shower and freshen up. “You can use the house coat and I’ll put fresh clothes on the bed for you” she added. Sarah thought to herself I keep wearing everyone else’s clothes on this trip but at least this time they will be women’s clothes she smirked.

The shower felt good against her skin as she washed away the grime that had accumulated over the past day. She took especially good care of her long hair as it needed to be washed twice just to remove the excess oils. She found a new razor hanging up in the basket and cleaned up some stubble that was barely visible on her legs and under her arms. Toweling off she thought to herself now I feel like a woman again and smiled in the mirror revealing her sweater coated teeth, so she grabbed the tooth paste and with her finger scrubbed the little devils as best as she could.

When she opened the bedroom door she found carefully laid out on the blanket a pair of knee high animal skin leggings with the foot wear sewn in place. They were a slightly off white colour adorned with tassels that ran down the outer seems of each boot. Above that was a matching knee length skirt complete with leather and caribou boned belt. The geometric design in the skirt was simple perfection. The cape fashioned into a loosely fitting top flattered the entire ensemble. A pair of three dove feathered accents lay to the side along with matching leather and caribou boned necklace. She caressed the fabric and discovered it to be more delicate then her silk wedding dress. She looked down at her hand gliding over the breath taking outfit and spotted her ring, her wedding ring.

She sat down and began to cry, emotions encroaching at first and then filling her waking moment. She heard a knock at the door and paused before opening it. “Are you alright” asked Foxtails wife? “Not really”. “Pass me the hair brush and tell me what’s bothering you”. “I’m not a nice person” she started to explain. “I cheated on my husband and am beginning to dislike my kids”. As she brushed Sarah’s hair she began to tell the tale of how cubs grow up. At first it was strange but as she continued she understood more clearly that the kids are just stretching their wings and exploring their territory. As for you, you are still trying to keep them safe from harm and this creates a conflict. It is as old as time itself. Your husband must not be a lover or you would not have strayed and I’ll guess that he is not really a good friend either or else you would have resolved your differences.

“Have you figured out how to wear the clothes” she asked? Sarah smiled and told her they were beautiful and she had it all sorted out except for the feathers. With that Foxtail’s wife who had finished brushing Sarah’s hair carefully pinned a set in her hair on each side of her face. “There” she said smiling again “Get dressed and come on out so that we can look at you”.

Sarah finished dressing and stopped in front of the full length mirror. She gasped at the site of the woman looking back at her. Who was this elegant lady? How could clothes change her so much? Then she realized it was not the clothes at all but deep in the cavern of her heart she knew it was herself that was evolving and growing in leaps and bounds.

Upon reaching the cabin first Nick tied the horse to the porch railing and went to inside to find some vegetables for the horse and get some water also. He too was in desperate need of a shower and a shave not to mention fresh clothes. After feeding both himself and Rex he proceeded to clean himself up. Once that was completed he headed out to the Reserve in hopes of finding Sarah and Jessie. It was dark now but at least the sky was clear, the stars twinkled and the full moon shone brightly illuminating his way. In the distance a few faint sounds of wolves baying at the moon could be heard along with the crunching sound that the snow made under his steeds hooves. It would take a couple hours for him to reach his destination so he just took pleasure in the scenery before him.

He followed the shadows across the stream and up the bank on the other side using the river as a guide. He trusted in his companion’s sure footedness as his mind drifted back to a life that was no longer his. Images that were once lost vividly returned to his world amidst the wild terrain bringing with them bitter sweet emotions that absorbed his soul.
Unable to suppress the onslaught he gazed up at the moon in search of the answers to the questions that have plagued him all these years. The face in the moon staring down at him was the subtle sign he needed as he thought to himself of course “face” them head on and finally put these self created demons to rest, it is time to move forward again.

Like the death of the pilot there was nothing more he could do and he would have to carry with him the gifts he received, both the precious and sorrowful emotions that feed his very being.

The birth of his son on that glorious morning had brought to him a joy and sense of purpose unlike anything he could have ever imagined in his wildest of dreams. From the exact moment he made eye contact with his child he had already planned out all of the adventures, triumphs and failures they would encounter. When he held him in his arms he could not have known how wrong he was, totally oblivious to the fate that awaited him in the years to come. Euphoria had surrounded him and that was all he could see, wanted to see and was so proud to be a part of.

Three months into the newborns life tragedy had almost reclaimed him back to the heavens where he had come from. SIDS was the diagnosis and there was hope, new technology permitted a life at home and not in the hospital under constant supervision. A portable respiratory monitor was available and they made full use of it. The child’s mother found herself stressed out from caring for her son after four days at home and no longer wished the parenting privileges that so many cannot have. Taking a one year leave of absence from work I was granted the honor of primary care giver and so stood by my son as we fought the breathing lapses.

The morning’s smiles without fail as each, father and son greeted the dawn. The daily cleaning rituals, feedings, play time, lessons from reading, and exercises from play along with exploration walks. There was nothing going to stop our bonding. Father and Son forever I thought. Like my father before me I would cast forth a positive cycle that he in turn could cast forth on his children one day.

The days were an endless source of pleasure, something new, something learned something understood. It was a magical time indeed for both of them to cherish to the ends of existence.

His thoughts deepened as he rode into the night swaying gentle to and fro with the motions of his driver for he was no longer paying attention to the path that Rex new far too well.

Sarah opened the door and entered the living room. A hush fell upon the group gathered there, Foxtails mouth dropped open slightly as his wife playfully elbowed him in the ribs. “You look beautiful” she said. “Are you hungry”? She continued. “Yes I’m starving for some reason” Sarah smiled back at her and thanked her again for the clothes. “What can I do to help”? “You can set the table for us if you like”. With that Sarah began the placement of dishes and utensils, ornamental candles and baskets. The group once again sat together as a family and told more stories and this time Sarah felt less of an outsider but more of a member, how she wished she could have this life of simple times, caring, sharing and encouragement to one another.

After dinner Foxtail asked her to accompany him for a walk there was someone he wanted her to meet. They walked out across the town towards the home of one of the elder woman to fulfill his promise made earlier. “I’m taking you to meet Shoshanna, she is one of the wisest people I know” he said.

Upon reaching the door Foxtail stopped and turned to her “Your journey begins here” he said and walked away. Confused she paused a moment and then knocked on the door. An eternity seemed to pass as she waited for an answer. Then the door opened slowly and Shoshanna appeared. Sarah started to introduce herself when the woman held a finger up to her lips and spoke softly “I know who you are and I know why you are here”.

“Come and sit down”. Puzzled Sarah went inside and sat down with the old woman.
“My dear child” she started. “You are searching for answers that defy logic. You look to the moon for warmth and the stars for tenderness, you search your soul for peace but find a wolf, and you need to be needed for who you are but only find demands from others until recently”. “How do….” “ Shhh my child”. “You have the capacity to love with all of your heart yet you deny yourself for self purpose of self-preservation”. “You have come here with questions to which you already know the answers to; you must stop barricading your heart”. “Let it grow and let it bloom like a flower, let it unfold like the wings of a dove as takes flight for the first time. You are at the dawning stage of your journey. You have entered this house as Sarah and shall leave as Dawn of a Dove.” “That is all I have to say”. “But how….”. “ Shhh…. Go to the dance now my child and let your heart sing, break the chains that bind you”.

Sarah stood outside on the porch trying desperately to understand what just happened. How can she free her heart? Why should she expose the vulnerable soft underbelly of her soul? Why risk pain again? The questions flooded her mind as she stepped down off the porch when looking up at the face in the moon realizing that she must face her fears head on.

After creating ties made of stone with his only child and the only child he would ever have how could he have walked away? There was no choice it was his eternal damnation for the child’s very existence, sanity and preservation. How could he ever allow himself to love again?