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| Topic: Why is never married a red flag? | |
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The human mind is infinitely complex and people are all different. Over half of all marriages now end in divorce. That means a lot of people (like me) made stupid mistakes. I should have waited. Maybe someone who hasn't been married is just smarter than the rest of us. What is politically correct changes from time to time. My grandparents laughed at women who were old maids at fourteen. It wasn't that long ago when being divorced at any age was a stigma. Besides, people change. Circumstances change. Opportunity changes. and if it doesn't than that person is simply not the kind of person who really wants to be a good partner |
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It isn't a red flag to me especially if there are no children involved - it just means the person hasn't been fortunate enough to find the right person for them yet. Plus they don't have any previous marriage baggage the new person has to deal with. I think it can be a positive rather than a negative. I met a man who had never been married who I could have gone for in a flash but my "friend" who was his roommate wouldn't let him ask me out and I didn't find this out until after the fact - I sure was angry about it. Every person is different and there is no law that says you have to follow the herd and do life the same way as everyone else does. Just remember people can really be sheep - they do it because everyone else is doing it. I think that's just plain stupidity! Take heart, I'm sure you'll find someone yet :)) I totally agree - it is a nonissue - my personal feeling. We all have baggage of some kind whether from previous relationships or elsewhere. There are pros and cons to both if one really wants to weigh those factors. I prefer to be a little more open minded tho |
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I don't understand this mindset, can someone elaborate so we can discuss it? To me it simply means they haven't found the one yet, nothing written in stone saying you have to be married by such and such age. EDIT: fixed "such and such" thanks to mountainwatergirl Isn't the title of this thread describing a false belief? |
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My brother and sister never married and I had an aunt who never married as well. As time progressed they developed a "my opinion is all that matters" mentality. Of those outside of my family who never married they seemed to develop similar traits.
While not perfect, marriage and child rearing influences one to take other opinions into account. |
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mental problems? What do mental problems have to do with never being married? to shy, scared to take the plunge... self importance issues, not thinking good of themselves, hates everyone else... should i go on? Not all of those are issues solely for single people. Plus, wouldn't there be a whole slew of issues to add for possibilities for those who are divorced? that is true. Issues are everywhere for those seeking them. lol. I think the crux is that a formerly married person was willing to take that step. has some experience in sharing a life and has tried to put others needs ahead of their own at times. not that never married people can't do too at times. With marriage it's kind of a 24/7 thing tho and hard to understand if you have never been married. I am not sure honestly, if I want to be married either. I am just contributing some thoughts here so tread easy please. lol. Someone who has been married has shown a past interest in a married lifestyle. Much of it is a lifestlye thing and marriage is not for everyone. Clearly someone interested in marriage would be looking for someone who wants the same thing and has a history consistent with a married lifestyle. Not all marriages end for bad reasons. Some of us (me for example) are simply tossed aside by our partner. I don't see that I failed - I was the glue that held my little family together. Does that mean I don't deserve another chance if I can find it? We learn as much or more from failure as we do success throughout our lives. Marraige is no exception. I do not necessarily see divorce as a failure. A failure to me would be attempting to remain in a marriage where everyone is unhappy. Most people do not take divorce lightly in the real world and there are usually good reason but they are not necessarily bad reasons. Personally I believe for myself that being open works best because while one man may be a never married for some negative reason like a sex addiction (just an example) - but another man may have very understandlt reasons - like a career with a lot of travel and now he is ready to settle down....so I think it's narrow minded to make assumptions about a person based on their marital status However, if they're divorced, clearly they weren't as interested in the "married lifestyle" you mention. One of the reasons could have been that they weren't putting others' needs ahead of their own, right? I'm not saying getting a divorce is a bad thing. But, I do get tired of hearing that I just wouldn't understand, since I've never been married. It's an excuse many divorced people seem to use. there numerous reasons for divorce, including a failure to put their partners needs as a priority. Honestly that is one thing many of us take away from divorce and some become much better at it in subsequent relationships. It may or may indicate someone's current level of interest in that lifestyle but certainly they were at one time. I think you may note that I said the divorced person gave it a try. I was not trying to exonerate them or anyone- at least that person has tried and some people MIGHT like to see that from a potential partner (not necessarily speaking of myself). the many people telling you that you cannot undertand unless you have had that experience, I agree with. It is the reality not an excuse. Maybe if many people are telling this to you it is worth your consideration. Again making assumptions about someone based on the fact that they are married or divorced or never married is a mistake in my opinon (and we all know what the first three letters of assumption do spell now don't we...lol) I agree that making assumptions about someone based on whether they've been married/divorced or not is a bad thing. That's why I wonder about those who think something is wrong with me simply because I've never been married. Most people aren't that way, but there are some. |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Wed 02/13/13 08:31 PM
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This thread just reminded me of a friend who is living common-law with her boyfriend for over 20 years and my brother's friend who is living common-law with his girlfriend for 25 years. Both couples are still living common law but just never bothered to take marriage vows eventhough one couple had two kids. So, there is an example of two couples that never married but are indeed able to commit.
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mental problems? What do mental problems have to do with never being married? to shy, scared to take the plunge... self importance issues, not thinking good of themselves, hates everyone else... should i go on? So, you are saying I have mental problems because I have never been married? 
of course not, the topic was reasons why, that is just one reason of many. 
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I've never married but I think it should be a positive. To say your vowels before god in church to a partner who you are supposed to be with the rest of your life to me is very important.So many of my friends married to young grew apart, fight over the kids, engage in petty revenge. I elected to make sure I was mature enough, ready for such a heavy commitment, and able to truly share myself and be able to treat a woman properly. I would like to meet someone genuine to share my life with me but want to make sure its truly right.
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Might be a little off key to some for me to bring this up but...
Getting married was never a law of man. You don't have to marry. Nothing in man's laws says two people must marry if they are together. Marriage was, and still is, something started, and required by God himself. That's where the laws of marriage came from. There is no other law that requires people to marry, and should be no other reason TO marry, except to honor and follow what God Himself put into place. So for me, without God in your life, marriage is nothing. Because without God, you don't have to try and stay married. You can just quit and not honor the promises made. |
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My brother and sister never married and I had an aunt who never married as well. As time progressed they developed a "my opinion is all that matters" mentality. Of those outside of my family who never married they seemed to develop similar traits. While not perfect, marriage and child rearing influences one to take other opinions into account. And some I know who have been married and divorced have become bitter and don't trust anymore. Should I assume all those who have been married and divorced will end up that way? |
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mental problems? What do mental problems have to do with never being married? to shy, scared to take the plunge... self importance issues, not thinking good of themselves, hates everyone else... should i go on? So, you are saying I have mental problems because I have never been married?
of course not, the topic was reasons why, that is just one reason of many.
I was just teasing you.  
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