Community > General Discussion

Topic: Why come on a dating site just to rant??
singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Tue 02/05/13 10:47 AM
Being called baby, sweetie, honey and so on by complete strangers makes me think those guys call all kinds of women by those names. Rather than be one of many, I prefer my own name used if we have been introduced. No need for cutesy little terms of endearment from strangers as it's cheesy and insincere. Think diversity. Yep, those of us who still speak according to there own upbringing such as "thanks hon" do say it to all kinds of women. Its not meant to be personal to just you, its a way of speaking for some and not always a "come on".. Of course it's not meant to be personal. And not quite sure how it's diversity. Not sure how its diversity? We are all different in our own ways according to our upbringings, cultures, ect. Try to be more understanding that some of us dont speak the same as you and that our meanings may differ from others that surround you is all. It blows my mind that such a decent upbringing of saying "thanks hon" or "thank you dear" or any of the sort to a women who deserves a little respect could be taken as far as harrassment. Its almost scarey to be a guy these days. Why not use your own advice and try to be more understanding of where others are coming from as well? Maybe you'll understand why it might bother some people. I don't think it's a big deal to be called hon, sweetie and so on by random strangers. I think it's a bit cheesy, though. And insincere, since some do it to everyone. But if it makes you happy, go for it.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Tue 02/05/13 12:14 PM
I recently came across a profile where this young lady had written about leaving this site because men use words like baby, honey, beautiful ect when messaging her and shes highly offended that men would speak that way to her when she doesnt even know them and why are all the men just trying to f**k her on a dating site... My response to her is as follows lol: I just wanted to say that after reading your profile rant i was shocked. This site like mant others have the option for "casual encounters" meaning that there are people on here just wanting to get down and dirty. If thats offensive to you maybe you should try "E Harmony" or "Christian Mingle" You are a beautiful women so why take offense to someone telling you they think you are? I use the word hon alot in messages, is that wrong as well. I swear politeness is so rare these days that some people mistake it for flurtation...Please, message me back. I think context is hard to grasp in black and white sometimes, I am guilty of using shortened terms of affection constantly, even with strangers hon, sweety,,etc,, I say them just as expressions of appreciation or neighborliness,,,,,its how I was raised,, but others werent so its easy for them to believe I am trying to offend or condescend or that I am being (whatever) rule of harassment, once someone says to me something is offensive to them,, even if I find it silly to be offended, I just avoid that action or word around that person (except in forums, where they will have to deal with it so long as its not directed at them personally)

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Tue 02/05/13 12:29 PM
...Does it even matter?

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Tue 02/05/13 12:32 PM
...Does it even matter? This. Or perhaps we should cordone-off Rant-Free zones on the planet.

eileena9 Joined Fri 04/13/07 Posts: 28211	Tue 02/05/13 01:27 PM
If this woman was someone you really want to get to know and want to send an email, it would be a good idea to call her by her screen name until she responds and tells you her name. I understand both sides of this "rant".... some people are uncomfortable with terms of endearment from strangers and some have been raised with it as a part of common speech. It bothers me when someone I have never heard from calls me "sweetie" or "my love" in a random 'form letter' type email because he hasn't taken the time to put original thought into it. Example: Hi eileena9, I just wanted to drop you a line and say what a pretty smile you have (yeah right) and what an interesting profile. Bad example: Hello my darling I was just going through profiles and your sexy smile took my breath away...I would love to get to know you my dear and maybe when can go on yahoo/skype and see more of each other. So save the terms of endearment for when you know more about each other. Hey Teditis, mg and F&L, nice to see your sexy faces on the boards again!! Missed you, my handsome devils

jonnyappleseedx Joined Sun 02/03/13 Posts: 36	Tue 02/05/13 01:32 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. So you see them as forms of intimacy? "Thanks hon" casually to your waitress after a coffee refill is being intimate? Also, most of the scammers and fakes ive come across use hi how are you and no depth whatsoever.

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Tue 02/05/13 01:33 PM
If this woman was someone you really want to get to know and want to send an email, it would be a good idea to call her by her screen name until she responds and tells you her name. I understand both sides of this "rant".... some people are uncomfortable with terms of endearment from strangers and some have been raised with it as a part of common speech. It bothers me when someone I have never heard from calls me "sweetie" or "my love" in a random 'form letter' type email because he hasn't taken the time to put original thought into it. Example: Hi eileena9, I just wanted to drop you a line and say what a pretty smile you have (yeah right) and what an interesting profile. Bad example: Hello my darling I was just going through profiles and your sexy smile took my breath away...I would love to get to know you my dear and maybe when can go on yahoo/skype and see more of each other. So save the terms of endearment for when you know more about each other. Hey Teditis, mg and F&L, nice to see your sexy faces on the boards again!! Missed you, my handsome devils You dam-sight better have missed me... I'm worth that and more! You doin' okay my friend...? I intuit a bit of hard times in you?

eileena9 Joined Fri 04/13/07 Posts: 28211	Tue 02/05/13 01:39 PM
I'm doing well, hun... Of course I missed you!!! How is everything by you?

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 15135	Tue 02/05/13 01:40 PM
I recently came across a profile where this young lady had written about leaving this site because men use words like baby, honey, beautiful ect when messaging her and shes highly offended that men would speak that way to her when she doesnt even know them and why are all the men just trying to f**k her on a dating site... My response to her is as follows lol: I just wanted to say that after reading your profile rant i was shocked. This site like mant others have the option for "casual encounters" meaning that there are people on here just wanting to get down and dirty. If thats offensive to you maybe you should try "E Harmony" or "Christian Mingle" You are a beautiful women so why take offense to someone telling you they think you are? I use the word hon alot in messages, is that wrong as well. I swear politeness is so rare these days that some people mistake it for flurtation...Please, message me back. I always get polite messages; but then I get messages from older guys. When I set filters, there are less problems.

jonnyappleseedx Joined Sun 02/03/13 Posts: 36	Tue 02/05/13 01:44 PM
Being called baby, sweetie, honey and so on by complete strangers makes me think those guys call all kinds of women by those names. Rather than be one of many, I prefer my own name used if we have been introduced. No need for cutesy little terms of endearment from strangers as it's cheesy and insincere. Think diversity. Yep, those of us who still speak according to there own upbringing such as "thanks hon" do say it to all kinds of women. Its not meant to be personal to just you, its a way of speaking for some and not always a "come on".. Of course it's not meant to be personal. And not quite sure how it's diversity. Not sure how its diversity? We are all different in our own ways according to our upbringings, cultures, ect. Try to be more understanding that some of us dont speak the same as you and that our meanings may differ from others that surround you is all. It blows my mind that such a decent upbringing of saying "thanks hon" or "thank you dear" or any of the sort to a women who deserves a little respect could be taken as far as harrassment. Its almost scarey to be a guy these days. Why not use your own advice and try to be more understanding of where others are coming from as well? Maybe you'll understand why it might bother some people. I don't think it's a big deal to be called hon, sweetie and so on by random strangers. I think it's a bit cheesy, though. And insincere, since some do it to everyone. But if it makes you happy, go for it. To people who speak like this regularly, it certainly isnt suppose to be takin as sincere like you would your spouse. It may be "old school" and even "cheesy" but not pushed as far as being harrassing as some are attempting to claim.

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Tue 02/05/13 03:59 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too.

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Tue 02/05/13 04:20 PM
I'm doing well, hun... Of course I missed you!!! How is everything by you? Super!! Really they all... I've got a life full of drama, indecision and conflict. If it were something less less... I wouldn't know what to do with me self, haha. On a serious note... me mum, not so good. About to transition and I'm the one alloted to haggle with merchants of that business. Grrr... I noticed that you slipped my question regarding my intuition? Never a small thing in my world... 'Tis okay of course... but unless Chas. took it from me... my email still works. Open road.... js. (fer internet peeps... you and he, both matter. Sincerely meant.)

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Tue 02/05/13 04:20 PM Edited by navygirl on Tue 02/05/13 04:22 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. So you see them as forms of intimacy? "Thanks hon" casually to your waitress after a coffee refill is being intimate? Also, most of the scammers and fakes ive come across use hi how are you and no depth whatsoever. As a lot of scammers are male; I doubt they will call you Hon. I had one guy call me Hon when I was in uniform and I ripped a strip off of him. I told him either call me Mam or by my rank as I wasn't his damn Hon. There are times it is in appropriate to call you by those pet names. A waitress here would never call a complete stranger Hon unless it was a regular customer that she knew.

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Tue 02/05/13 04:23 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too. No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different?

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Tue 02/05/13 04:26 PM Edited by navygirl on Tue 02/05/13 04:28 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too. No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? First thanks for the kind compliment as you make an old gal feel good. A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them.

ladyliz1417 Joined Wed 12/27/06 Posts: 51463	Tue 02/05/13 04:29 PM
The scammers I have run into always say "Hi pretty". Red flag!!!!! I believe that normally, honey, baby & such should be terms of endearment. However saying thanks hon to a waitress isn't necessarily out of line. Most of the waitresses do it as well. I just like to know someone a little bit before he calls me names that I think should be a little special.

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Tue 02/05/13 04:32 PM Edited by Teditis on Tue 02/05/13 04:32 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too. No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. Awww, geez... there are just too many comebacks to invite you to take off yer uniform, that I choose not to. haha. You chose to post that pic on this site to gain respect?... I don't think that's really you, er... I don't think that you need it. Your insights are worthy of respect on their own. So I vote for option#2... if they don't appeal to you... disregard them. 'nuf said, eh?

mg1959 Joined Thu 04/05/07 Posts: 7872	Tue 02/05/13 05:03 PM
If this woman was someone you really want to get to know and want to send an email, it would be a good idea to call her by her screen name until she responds and tells you her name. I understand both sides of this "rant".... some people are uncomfortable with terms of endearment from strangers and some have been raised with it as a part of common speech. It bothers me when someone I have never heard from calls me "sweetie" or "my love" in a random 'form letter' type email because he hasn't taken the time to put original thought into it. Example: Hi eileena9, I just wanted to drop you a line and say what a pretty smile you have (yeah right) and what an interesting profile. Bad example: Hello my darling I was just going through profiles and your sexy smile took my breath away...I would love to get to know you my dear and maybe when can go on yahoo/skype and see more of each other. So save the terms of endearment for when you know more about each other. Hey Teditis, mg and F&L, nice to see your sexy faces on the boards again!! Missed you, my handsome devils Howdy (((hugs)))

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Tue 02/05/13 05:08 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too. No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. Awww, geez... there are just too many comebacks to invite you to take off yer uniform, that I choose not to. haha. You chose to post that pic on this site to gain respect?... I don't think that's really you, er... I don't think that you need it. Your insights are worthy of respect on their own. So I vote for option#2... if they don't appeal to you... disregard them. 'nuf said, eh? No; I chose the uniform pic because I am proud of it. I would hope I would be respected for who I am and not what I am wearing. I am just saying that when I do wear the uniform; I respect the people I command so I expect the same respect. Actually the uniform really is me as I have spent 40 years in a uniform of some sort. Thanks again for the kind words.

Teditis Joined Sun 03/07/10 Posts: 3597	Tue 02/05/13 05:45 PM
I typically find that emails using baby, honey, sweetie and other terms of endearments, are from scammers or fakes.. excuses or reasons aside for using them.. a simple Hi, how are you? or something similar is preferable on initial contact.. I just feel that using any form of intimacy before knowing another is disrespectful, which creates an immediate distrust and wariness.. at least it does for me.. Yep; I agree with what you said and yes I would find it disrespectful too. No you don't NG... you're a hot sexy thang and you know it. No disrespect intended. Point being... you can sluff-off any slow-witted come-on, any day of the week, yes? What makes this site different? A person crosses the line when they disrespect me in my uniform. Don't forget; I have people to command and when someone does that; it makes me look weak and I won't be taken seriously. Out of uniform; I probably wouldn't even respond to their comments and would just ignore them. Awww, geez... there are just too many comebacks to invite you to take off yer uniform, that I choose not to. haha. You chose to post that pic on this site to gain respect?... I don't think that's really you, er... I don't think that you need it. Your insights are worthy of respect on their own. So I vote for option#2... if they don't appeal to you... disregard them. 'nuf said, eh? No; I chose the uniform pic because I am proud of it. I would hope I would be respected for who I am and not what I am wearing. I am just saying that when I do wear the uniform; I respect the people I command so I expect the same respect. Actually the uniform really is me as I have spent 40 years in a uniform of some sort. Thanks again for the kind words. Hmm... still, I feel as though I've offended somehow, yes? I wore the uniform too... Live budo. But I don't think the uniform defines you one bit. Take it off and you'll remain the same. With or without it... some of us will always have regard for those that serve. All seperate issues, imho. I was talking about you... not the colors. When a person posts their pic on a dating-site, wearing... that's one thing. But to include it in a rant when some folks don't appeciate it? Really... 40 years and you don't realize? My point was that you're a beautiful person regardless of the uniform... and all it represents. Both personally and traditionally. I don't see what it has to do with yer dating life? I'll beg off... take care. Forgive my lack of eloquence, please.