A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION –

The wife came home from work early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

Understandably, she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce!"

Her husband replied, "Hang on just a minute luv, I can explain what happened."

"You can try", she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless; that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the soup I made for you last night, the soup that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured three bowls in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has the same pair."

Then he took a quick breath and pressed on - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me and said,

"Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"