Recently, that being today, I've realised that I don't know what I want in life, or from life. I say today, because this would be the day I have actually admitted this truth to myself but if I'm honest, it's been in that niggling feeling I've had after waking up from yet another bed that wasn't mine, or that sudden spring of tears when I sit pen in hand infront of a blank piece of paper waiting for words that deserted me when I started the job that has brought me physical freedom but has put my creative mind on lockdown.
More often than not, that little feeling is accompanied by the not so little thought that "Life is elsewhere"; but where?

What do I want for and from myself?
It's the first day of a new year and at the risk of sounding cliched, it is an opportunity to start afresh.
Here's my imaginary lamp, give it a bit of a rub and tell us your wish for 2013.

I'm going to blow s*** up this year...With a bit of luck, everyone will feel it.

I want to meet someone where sparks fly for both of us and they would like to live in Dallas.

I would like a little normality in my life this year...a new job, preferably in an office, and one really good friend/lover, someone who isn't so screwed up from a previous relationship that they compare everything I do and say to their ex, someone drug and disease free, and is willing to deal with the fact that I'm a single mother of a special needs child.

I know, I know, I'm asking for a lot, but hey, a person can dream. Right?

I want to get a new job this year that pays decently. Going to pay my car off and will be 3 years closer to paying off my house. I have always known what I wanted but trying to get what I want has not been easy.

Peace in my life, at all costs - even if it means remaining single.

Pay off unexpected car purchase - wrecked my paid off truck a few weeks ago

Spend more time flying back to NC to see my kids.

Travel, travel, travel, travel. Did I say travel?

Looking at potential ownership opportunities in my industry as they become available, including creating my own company within the industry.

Peace in my life, at all cost.

I have more then I ever dreamed I'd have, even if some would say it ain't much.

The only thing I'm missing is someone of good character who could live the way I do (so not a city person) to share it with.

I'm going to help him.

I assume you mean blow up dolls???

I'd like to meet a fun, interesting, sophisticated, woman that takes care of herself and takes pride in her appearance. A woman that's assertive, yet still maintains her femininity. She should have a good outlook on life and have any bad habits under control. Someone that's NOT a right wing wacko or a convicted felon. But, a true alpha female that doesn't complain about the hand she's been dealt or the choices she's made in her life.

Molotov cocktails and makeshift romance.

Someone's pickin' up on what I'm tossin'.

I've been talking to a couple girls who said they'd help me shop/make anarchy riot gear. I'm filled with childlike, flammable joy.

That's wicked! Remember padding, man, Jesus...Without padding, some of that s*** just rides like the devil.

I'm trying to get my friend to give me his leather biker jacket. It's pretty wicked and he's too fat to wear it anymore. Haha. It's heavy enough that you could get shot with a bean bag gun and walk it off.

Leather, padding, and a good chemical deterrent like Bacardi 151...Golden in O-Town.

Pretty sure I'll be answering a knock at the door from the Men in Black one day, should be interesting reading their interpretation of me, "Oh, no, see...I meant to drink."

I am still looking for the TV remote

It's quite possible wedged betwixt the sofa seats after the last time you went to sleep holding onto it for dear life ;-)

I want to find that SCI FI/Horror movie geek who's covered with tattoos and wants a smart a$$ girlfriend with no plans of changing her!

Exactly what I want.