Oh yeah, it is so easy to dispense but can you take it?

When tough love is put on the other foot it seems like those who advocate it complain the most when it is employed against them.

I may hate bitter advice but if it is the right advice and the truth and I refuse it I would guess I get what I deserve for being too thick headed! So why is it one man's tough love is another person's "being an A** Hole?"



Let us put this in perspective here too, there is a difference between having a hardened approach or opinion vs. someone just living to be the living embodiment of a sphincter that walks like a man.

curious minds may or may not want to know!

It is all in the way one presents their words..... If one is being rude no matter how they write it they will be perceived as a jerk. There are ways to word what one has to say in a way that others understand and don't feel as if they are being attacked.

But what gets me is those that tell others how to handle a situation. But....yet has never experienced that situation. Regardless how some feel others will not see things should be done that way.

More people should realize that we all must stumble and fall. Then get back up and handle the situation the best they see fit to handle it.. Everyone is different and by getting in someones face telling them they are doing something wrong only makes them look bad. At times it is best to look in a mirror before throwing advice..

We all have to live our lives and do things that suit our situation... No one needs anyone trying to put them down for doing something the way they thought it should be handled..

In life the best lesson learned is to know when we have done wrong and we take the time to correct what we can and learn to move on in life..........JMO....

This so called Tough Love so many try to dispense on others many times is done in such a harsh way their words are not even heard.... but yet ignored....

Excellent advice; I need to follow this more! lol

Words with depth and breadth I can appreciate greatly. It is difficult to be diplomatic at times. There are times diplomacy fail us all. We all are guilty of crimes of ego.

I remember an old folk tale of an old man sitting by a lake warning people of a monster that would lure them to their deaths and the old man had a nasty disposition. People would show up and he would warn them of a monster and everyone had to see it and sure as heck the only person to see the monster and live was the old man who tried to warn people who would go to the lake to see the monster, get lured in and drown. The old man was a knight who failed to kill the monster and was cursed to stay and warn people and he could not leave the lake. It was when a very clever wanderer who played a fiddle passed and managed to actually lure the monster to follow him with his song to a village that recently had him play and chased him off without paying him or even offering him something to eat. The story ends with the old man wandering away from the lake happy as hell the monster was gone and died attacking the other village breaking his curse. I want to say this was from an old Polish story.

Some people just hear what hey want to hear though and no matter how you try to word anything they just will not listen. In a way it could be said letting people make big mistakes is a form of tough love. Beats the hell out of yelling at them they are about to screw up.

Now for those who like to grab a hammer and swat land mines... YOU GONNA DIE! WHAT DO I NEED TO SAY? YOU IS AN IDIOT! SWATTING LAND MINES WITH A HAMMER? ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU GONNA DIE! GO AHEAD AND DIE FOR ALL I CARE. I AM GLAD TO KNOW I JUST HAVE TO BE FAR ENOUGH AWAY TO AVOID THE SPLATTER! BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU!

So for those of you out there who felt like swatting land mines with a hammer, (and I am not talking about Dog Poo land mines!) do you feel a little more discouraged? You don't want to swat at land mines with a hammer? I would hope so. Now back to the rest of us...

I think in civility there is room to find middle ground and present arguments that are if for anything a failure to change my mind a presentation of an opposing view point so that I at least can try to find understanding in what others think and believe. But everybody expects some form of conformity to feel safe and when this conformity is challenged some people turn toward aggressive behavior. Even verbal aggression is still a form of aggression.

And then there is human nature...



ROCKEM SOCKEM

If a hammer is the only tool you have in your toolbox, after awhile, everything starts looking like a nail.....

While I think most situations/problems are a lot like the box in a box in a box with the real issue under so many layers that chargeing in and attacking the problem that you first see is really spinning your wheels.

And true most people will just shut down wheather it is fear, resentment, or thinking it is the right thing to do, or just because they are tougher than you are. Or and prideful professionals that always think they are smarter than the people they are dealing with better at deflecting those that are watching from seeing the real problem. Con artists are particularly good at this one and they can spot someone that just wants to excuse because they are hoping they can slide by too a mile away.

And because it is easier or looks "nicer" to try to be insiteful, empathetic, dealing with people on a straight forward respectful peer level if feels better.

But in some cases it does demand that someone actually faces off and becomes the brick wall that can not be blasted through, climbed over, snuck around, or slid under.

The most common situation this happens in is where a child or other innocent is caught in the cross fire. Usually too parents that hate each other enough they don't give a hang about the casualties even if it is themself. Sometimes it is siblings. Sometimes it is long term co workers. Seen it time and again where people will do anything to sabatage another. And some of these sociopaths can be the perfect victim because they have been mastering the persona for a life time.

People want to believe in giving people a break, second chances, heroic exceptions. Doesn't help a whole lot when dealing with angry innergenerational failures wheather it is foster kids, wefare cheats, soldiers or cops with problems, addicts, and or gangbangers to name a few.

What is sad is each time these folks "beat the system" the damage they cause to society is exponential. One kid that was drug around from one county welfare office to another bounced around in one relative's home after another with maybe a father or abusive surrogate will hate society in general will fail in most groups and be good at manipulateing them short term yet pretend to be socially appropriate all the while leaveing a path strewn with abandonded victims and often the next generation of kids, plural, that will model all they have ever known. Breaking the cycle is saying nope nada the BS stops here and you don't get to play in the sandbox. In smaller closed communiites a person's reputations will proceed them but they know how to close their records, and can be experts at hustleing the system, and they love the endless pool of of victims that usually tell them every thing they need to know to charm the pants off them.

In the work force they can literally be an economic tunsami raiding profits, collasping profitable businesses, and causeing massive layoffs. Because it can be so lucrative and repeated with success where it starts with beating someone out of a promotion it can mean building a company and letting it fail to write it off or lower it's value to beat an Exwife out of a divorce settlement.

Sad thing is when most try to stand up and call a foul a foul they will be blamed, harrassed, and often shot down by the same people they are trying to protect. Pretty much why after a while people who do tell just say to hell with it an let the chips fall where they will.

love this! great post

I definitely do not want my love tough

I always appreciate the cold hard truth.... over soft fluffy lies.
the only problem I would have over someone's tough love...
DO NOT give it to me if I don't ask for it.

Example: Guy I like doesn't call me....If I'm ranting that he is a jerk... how could he not want me... he's a loser!!

This is not the time for my friend or loved ones to say:
" sweetie, maybe he just wasn't into you"

Tough love only works when it is product of real love and concern for the person or people it is being delivered to.....If it comes with ulterior (self serving) motive(s), it will backfire every time....