Have had profile up on here for the last couple of months and have had not received anything but from spammers. I don't get it. Is it the way my profile is written? the pics I selected? I have the great ability to attract jerks, (have had years of experience in that area) but can't seem to understand why I can can't get the attention of anyone with a genuine heart.

Just venting....thanks for listening.

One way to get noticed by "real" people, is by posting in the forums.

In my long and illustrious side-career as an Internet Dater, I have found that genuine (aka: real) men do not send initial emails to women. From listening to some guys in the forums here, they do sometimes. But for the most part they are waiting for women to email them. The majority of men who simply start up an email conversation are scammers or guys just looking to get laid. Not all, but definitely the majority.

The best way to meet new people is by participating in the forums. You have a better chance of meeting a guy worth dating, although he will most likely live too far to want to date you, but that's a whole other issue. And, I have seen that issue resolved with couples who really want to make it work. But, the biggest benefit to participating in the forums is the friendships you will make whether you meet someone or not.

Hope that helps. Welcome to Mingle.

Very well said Ruth

Speaking of nice friends....

Yeah, just ignore anybody that mails you to say hi and only talk to the same bunch of regulars that post in the forums here.

Come on. How many times are you guys going to trot out this tired old advice about diving into the forums every time someone whines about not having much luck finding someone that they get on with on here?

Also, this may be an age thing but I am a genuine person and I don't wait for women to just contact me on these sites. It rarely happens and my checking out profiles and saying hello to people and asking them if they fancy a chat does not make me a scammer.

I do not generally ignore those who email me trying to start a conversation. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Scammers are pretty obvious to me with the very first email they send at this point and I ignore them. Otherwise, I usually send back a response. It then becomes apparent very quickly what their intent is. Usually it's cyber sex of some kind. Either that or they are Negative Nellies to the extreme and I quickly grow weary of their whining.

Tawt, since you think our advice is lacking, perhaps you have a better suggestion for the op?

Why should he offer his own when he can just bash everyone elses.

Thanks for the advice everyone...and I used to be very active in forums such like these. For some reason my shy side is taking effect and I have not been able to get involved....that is a yet however. I will find the spot to jump in eventually. It has been a long long while since I have visited sites such as these and I guess I am just off my game at the present time. I have to agree that probably getting involved with the forums is the way to go. Just wanted people's opinions about my profile. Does it scream, "All scammers please respond??" because that certainly seems to be the only ones that take any notice. The only ones that even view it are those in far away lands as well.

Okay, I'm sorry to be rubbishing the advice about making friends on the forums. I post in internet forums myself because it's something to do and I've got friends from all over the world on the internet. From my point of view the forums maybe aren't the way to go but I don't live in America and am not looking for a long distance relationship or to travel long distances to meet people.

I agree that the dating site thing can be really frustrating and depressing sometimes. Basically when I contact women I do try to get a conversation going by politely introducing myself and saying that I liked their profile and that if they want to get back to me I'll look forward to hearing from them. Admittedly, that hasn't got a lot of people replying to me and all they usually do is just look at my profile.

I've heard plenty of times from the women how there are so many creeps on these sites and it is hard to trust people on the internet whether you're male or female. It probably is an age thing but as a guy in his forties I've hardly ever had a woman on a dating site contact me first unless they were just spammers. I've made the first contact myself only to find out later that I was wasting my time with someone that just wanted to spam or cyber.

I've sort of come to the conclusion that finding someone right for you on a dating site is a bit like trying to find a needle in a haystack and I doubt that I have any better advice than just to try to percevere with it and learn to spot who the genuine people are and be sensible about aranging dates and giving out personal information.

I stopped contacting women that aren't within dating distance because that seemed pointless to me and all I got from that was a lot of chat. Saying all of that, I do know people from another site that isn't a dating site and the people on there regularly meet up for conventions and parties. Some of them even travel quite long distances to do that. So yeah, going on the internet to find people that have common interests with you can work and maybe all I was trying to say was that like a lot of guys on here I wish that the women could be a bit friendlier and less suspicious when all a guy does is to say hi and ask if they fancy a chat.

we U put up the rules to meet U then U are blocking people from meeting U!! Like no smokers, and thats cool but U are ruling out some people that would otherwise contact U!!!

Sorry but I have got to hold to the no smokers. I have just recently quit (only 2 months now) and I don't want to tempt myself. I understands that limits things but isn't that what the profiles are for anyway? To let people know who I am interested in? You are probably right though. I removed that block to those that smoke. Can't hurt to talk to people that smoke. I can always tell them about my preference once we start to get to know each other. Thanks for the input!

Who is clb among the three of you?

I am in the middle. The other ones are my daughters. I won't tell them that you questioned which one was the 51 year old. LOL

Yeah that wouldn't go over very well.

Your profile is great. And, just because you want to meet a nice man doesn't mean you have to open yourself up to everyone. I disagree with Mikey on this. I can't date a smoker either. I have other requirements as well, but since I'm not looking for a relationship at all anymore, I don't worry about making them known. I think if the smoking thing is important to you you should stick with it.

To thine own self be true.

Good luck.

I would actually prefer it if women used the filters to block out people that they wouldn't be prepared to date. I got into a situation on here with someone that was giving me a lot of confusing mixed messages and it ended up with us falling out because of some stupid picky thing about men that she had and could easily have filtered out or at least mentioned on her profile.

Below your main image on this thread, the site says that you joined on Mon 11/26/12, which means that you haven't been a member long enough for you have a good shot at finding a mutual match.

Sorry you are having such a tough time. Since you say you are just venting I am going to listen and say what I think you are not getting if and when you ever ask me for specifics.

What I see is viable, smart, classicly pretty woman with good values that is evidently unemcumbered and could be a lot of fun to go out on a date with for a great guy. If you marketed yourself smarter I think the flood gates would open.

Sadly the first to step forward in date sites are usually are the undesireables but hang in there, keep smileing, and play the game. It is just a cost of doing business.

My experience is that guys worth putting the effort into dating tend to actually take a longer look now days. For all the great first impressions, and that is important, they tend to take a note and watch. After all they know they can. So many women who are desperate throw them self at them it is not like any worthy guy lacks for attention for long. Now wheather he picks wisely or not is not always a given but I personally think men are learning how to play the dating game and as women so do we.

I am not suggesting to be a sell out but you do want to, if you are really looking to date from on line, have to get with the program.

There are four kinds of people who come to on line date sites. The first are the scammers and hustlers and just follow the guide lines and take your time and these toads show theri warts pretty fast. Some to relax , shoot the breeze, be curious, maybe even shoot some opinions into the forms. It is cool and can be a lot of fun if you let it be. Another is the ones that have a "bone to pick" and it is usually trying to win and arguement they already lost. Some of them are a little harder to spot; again taking your time people usually "rat tjemself out". The last are the ones that hope maybe they will get lucky and trip across someone interesting.

As sad as it is it is usually a 10 second first impression that gets you in the door so your picture is critical. Short answer here if YOU (alone) are not smileing your dying. 90% of the people that see you are in a mini pic and it is ALL about getting that pic up and out there as much as possible.

After that is have a great profile. Short, sweet, and 1000% upbeat. More often than not a profile will talk a potential date OUT of contacting you rather than in. Why? Because we give people reasons not to contact us and no reasons TO contact us. You write a profile to attract the target audience; not your prodigeny, parents, pastor, pals, or pets. Anyone that makes it feel more like a gauntlet to go through to even approach you will click you off so fast you don't have a chance.

And I do think as women we do have to have a game plan when we go on line that does not jive with traditional values of "letting the man do it". On line as in the office, or at a party, out with friends you don't have the same luxery of catching enough men on line when you might be. So you are really unlikely to be able to "respond" with a lady like smile; or an in context humorous or inviteing remark. Yes it would be nice if you could just send a little smile if you liked a gentleman but come on you want to be treated as an equal then be an equal and read their profile and send a little note. I have great luck with sending people a birthday greeting or holiday shout out. Most gentleman have the good manners to say thank you and you just build gently on those contacts. Men are not an alien species they like to talk about things with women that they have in common. Share your interests. Not your life history but a few breif notes is not a lot of skin off your nose. Compared to the teeth pulling guys go through this is just fair play.

And just take a deep breath and enjoy the process. You can talk to people and then not if they just don't hold your attention. It doesn't have to be a big drama. The guy I am going out with this week I talk to me almost a decade ago and he recently popped up on another site and left me a note. Another one is someone that actually met me at a Christmas party when I was out on a date with someone else. All dates do not have to lead to bed or marriage. But don't kid yourself if you are going out and having fun it generates interest.

Being on the ball enough to carry a personal card that if you meet someone you want to chat with on a personal level can contact you outside of the workplace or meeting you as a customer is a good way to have a date. Just because I don't put my private business out there (which is the kiss of death for dateing because men know how to research women as much on line as much as we do them) doesn't mean that I don't date because I do. And believe me I have more barriers to dateing than most of you do.