I've noticed that the great majority of women I date seem to think that if there are no sparks right off the bat,Well, No use for a second date. Most I've dated seem to be opposite of what this article says we should be.

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=11356&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=1370696

There are three emotional triggers you need to work on to establish this- jealousy, scarcity and kino

Sorry I don't link Yahoo links which should tell you something about what kind of source they are. Not knowing the gist of what they say I can't give a fair assertion one way or the other.

My feeling has always been that if someone has to grow on you beyond the first date you are setting yourself up for failure. The relationship might go along with great effort, by one or both parties, but eventually if you don't like somone instinctively, from jumpstreet, the relationship will kind of be like mold on the underside of a rug. When you least expect it; it gets to toxic level, and everybody suffers.

I don't know why people see someone not likeing you as this big monsterous problem. Heaven forbid we all wanted the same person; what a miserable world that would be. It doesn't always mean that the person not chosen is a bad person; quite the contrary. I often pick friends that I enjoy but would not on the remotest level want as a mate.

If give a chance I try my best to let a person give me a little dab of their personality, how the think, what they believe, and spare them the frusteration of not going on a date where we are going to be at odds. How unfair it is to accept a nice invitation from someone and find out some basic traits will drive you up a wall, make you squirm, and want to be anywhere but with them? What do you do give them a refund for being themself or yourself for being you? Then it is a little late. That is the real magic about internet profiles and casual chatting. It is a low risk situation where you get to be you. If you are nice often times on line friends will point you out to someone you have ideas and situations alike. Just like real life friends.

Yes I can usually talk to anyone and actually make for a passable evening with basic social graces. I don't care who the date is with or even if it is breif if I accept I will make a real effort and a lady like showing the person I apppreciate their effort. I think any reasonable person would; and try to spare their feelings; espcially of were something with in normal limits that just didn't match. But doesn't someone who puts themself out there deserve better than that; especially on the second date? My feeling is if someone has enough character to be honest with you the least you can do is say thank you and not make them the bad person for letting you find real success elsewhere.

Call me crazy but I think if a person doesn't walk away from the date with at least a "wow that was a nice evening" I feeling they need to keep fine tuneing their selection process and probably get out more with friends and family because one date that doesm't give you that feeling is not something to get worked up about but it should be a signal to pay more attention.

I didn't read the link because I am a woman and I know how I feel. But sometimes I will give 3dates before I make any decisions to put forth an effort or not. Some guys are boring. I don't want to drag the conversation out of them. On the other hand some times there are sparks but then a bit later you realize they are just kind of boring.

Regardless what some articular says if there is no attraction what so ever there will not be a second date.

If he is rude and crude and a totally azz there will not be a second date.

There has to be something that attracts me to him as him to me...Be it his personality ect .....I've never figured out why some want to keep dating even if there is nothing that catches their attention to want that second, third or forth date..

At times if I'm not sure then sure I've went on a second date to make sure...But I will not go on a third if there is nothing there...after the second one...

I did read the link and actually it is pretty good.

Me, I go on my gut feelings. If I don't feel it on the first date; there will be no second date. I tried ignoring these feelings as its never worked. I know in the first 5 minutes whether I like a person whether its dating or just a friend.

Sometimes I feel fustrated because the guys I think are extremely good looking and don't want to go out with me at all but the guys that I don't want to come looking for me are the ones who want me the most....No offence or anything, it's just why can't the guy I think is hot contact me? lol Found a guy I instantly got attracted to but he said he's not ready for a relationship yet even though he's 35...Does anyone know what I should do?

it depends upon the woman, I had all brothers with alot of friends who were considered attractive, which to me became less impressive beause I saw so much of it

others arent used to 'attractive' and are easily impressed by the physical,,,some arent used to money and are easily impressed by clothes, cars,,etc,,,

I don't see any reason for a second date if there aren't any sparks. This kind of thing cannot be forced.

I misread , you are referring specifically to dates

I personally believe, just like a great first impression can end up being JUST an impression and not at all what you end up with

a bad first impression, or lack of sparks, may also be just a bad day which I dont begrudge anyone from having(depending upon how poorly they behave of course)


I dont have to have 'sparks' on a first date, I just have to not be turned off or disgusted,,,

don't try to force a committed relationship. if you start a friends with benefits or even just a friends only kind of thing with him, your heart will be in deeper than your head can pull you out of

keep looking

Something has to occur for me to want a second date. It can be a spark, or some form of connection that is made that makes me want another date. There are those times when that "it" thing happens. That "it" is when you just know that you have met someone special and you can just tell that the both of you feel it. The only way I rule out a second date is if there was just nothing there. And when this happens to me, I am usually the bad guy cause the girl felt something for me (and I just didn't feel the same). It is in this sense where I say that dating can drive you to want to start a binge of eating twinkies for days on end. Haha.

Hmm, for me its a binge of wine drinking. Don't like twinkies.

Did ya try addin water.....

I've had a lot of great first dates with so-called 'sparks' that didn't lead to much of anything after that.
Most of the dudes turn out to be 'duds' w/douche-bag personalities.
I don't really go by 'sparks' anymore.

agreed, the ones with the most sparks are bringing their best to the table upfront, from there it's all downhill.

"A spark" was just a term invented by boys out there who wanna justify "being interested." Its really simple. You know who you are and what you want and it terrifies people to no end.

And some wines are good for your heart (according to some scientific studies and all). You get the buzz and also are being healthy. Win win!

There has to be some sort of attraction there. If I'm not attracted to the person at all, whether physically or to their personality, there's going to be no second date.

I didn't fall madly in love with my husband the first time we met...We were "just friends" and "best friends" for 2 years and love came later...But I was "intrigued" by him right off the bat. He seemed to have a "glow." There was something extra-special about him and I saw it right away...I definitely wanted to know him better...He said he felt the exact same way about me too. There was some type of "click" and recognition even though we didn't fall in love right away...We didn't want to let each other "slip-away."