Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.


Please select from the following options menu:


If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.



If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.




If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.



If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
line so we can trace your call.



If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.



If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.



If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.



If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.



If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.




If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too
busy to talk with you.



If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.



If you are blonde , don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up."

If you have a problem with smoking press 11

If you have a problem with drinking press 12

If you have a problem with drugs press hash.

hahah nice :)

That is so cute..hahaha

I like the short-term memory part heh