So I'm now a father of a beautiful 4 month old baby girl, and over the past couple weeks the mother, who I love dearly melted down and went back into drugs, and it's still sinking in. In terms of money and stuff, the damage was comparably light, a few hundred dollars and almost all of our baby's clothing and once again, she's off and running with nothing. No phone, no car, no bank cards, off and running. I was already the primary parent, so our daughter is not really suffering as much as if I were a deadbeat, and I'm just getting past the shock stage of it all. Tonight I went ahead and replaced the clothing partially, at least to get a week's supply of clothes, and throughout the course of the week will get more.

At this point, protecting and caring for our baby is much more important than what can be salvaged in the relationship, if it can be. I worry about her and pray our daughter wont have to do without one parent, but that's well beyond my control. Even if she returns, it's going to be a good 6 months before our relationship can be fully restored, for reasons that would be obvious to anyone who understands addiction and even then, my real priorities are to be a good parent. In fact, the idea of an intimate relationship with anyone other than friends is probably as repulsive as it gets at this point and probably will be for quite some time. I have a new lifelong relationship to form and really, nothing will interfere with that.


People in the neighborhood know that I live a clean lifestyle and for the most part, respect that boundary and of all days, the absolute tramp of the block shows up and I'm thinking wth? So I'm nice about it, and in a project I'm working on with a neighbor, tell her, "We're going to lowes, so..", and she leaves. We get back and after already sizing her up as in how in the heck did she think she could invite herself in, the neighbor warns her not to return and where is she? At my effin door. I was much clearer that time and only a true idiot would return.

The last time she got clean, she nearly died and this time could do it for her. Her family knows to pass the message that the damage to the family is not irreverseable and right now I'm sure she feels very bad about what she did. The thing is, she's sick and sick people do bad things. While I'll have to go through the process of obtaining full custody I do know the good she's capable of and pray she finds that person again. Regardless of what happens next, I will be forever grateful for the gift of a child, a chance I thought permanently lost to me.

Funny thing, 3AM for a lot of people means a booty call. Today, I'm grateful to have it be a baby bottle call instead.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but highly commend you for having the strength to know and keep priorities straight, while being positive. Much luck and many prayers sent to you and your little precious one.

Thanks.

Hi, do you have family support or are you doing this alone? I feel for you, yet you are making all the right choices. I agree with you that our children come before a relationship, they are so dependant upon us and need to be our first priority.

Your situation is much the same as mine was, but I had a 2 year old son in the mix as well as a new born baby girl. Strange how some people don't see the beauty of their own children.

It will be rough, but you will have love unmeasureable from your daughter. I never said anything bad about their mother, I let them find out on their own. I hope you have skills so you won't be financially burdened, it is bad enough only having one parent, be it mommy or daddy.

If I can help, give me a holler.

Fair question. My family lives in California, actually, and my mother already knows what's happening. I've already made quite a few alliances and unlike the norm, we're defying that natural tendency to be isolationists.

Part of the move to this town was partially related to recognizing the impending economic collapse. I am fortunate to have already developed alliances in this community, most of which are already growing gardens and additionally am working to build a cooperative effort to keep industry going. Already proving itself, I am far from alone. In fact, the local active addicts would not give her drugs out of respect for me. Not only do I have adequate support, but this block has not a week's supply of food, but rather a year and there will be provisions in place up stairs to make my home self-sustaining all year long, and to propagate the technologies developed throughout the community. In fact, one neighbor is using my equipment to manufacture ash trays, which are making their way to local stores and many other products are planned. Win win for all of us, actually. I pay them for some things, but the real goal for me is not to hire people, but give them the ability to become their own business. The good thing is people are really beginning to free their minds.

Finances aren't an issue and aren't even connected to one country. I was already self-pay on all things. As I work from home, even baby sitting isn't an issue and I was already the primary parent. It's really about when or whether or not the mom is going to get clean or die. For the first 4 1/2 years, I didn't even have a step-father, and after age 12. I definitely have a good picture of what I have to look forward to.

Glad to hear you are prepared, daughters wrap daddies around their fingers at a young age.

To to whomever I should give her away to in adulthood, her future mate will hate me for the rest of his life, because he'll never measure up...

I don't know you but I wish you all Best

Sorry that question may have come across wrong. I was going to encourage you that you can do it with or without family support. But you probably already know that. For your darling girl and I will be praying for your lady.

It is a tough situation when you have an addict in your family esp when there is a child involved. My brother is an addict and has been for many years and when we have family gatherings, it is not a fun situation to be in because we never know how he is going to act.
I think the first thing you have to think of is the child and do you really want the mother around her? Yes she might be her mother BUT when people are on drugs, they are not really themselves at all.
Honestly, if the mother has left, it should not be hard for you to get custody. She left her child and she is an addict, you need to file for custody while she is gone though and they will have you to put something in the paper trying to contact her...it is a pretty simple case actually.
Your life is about to change and it is for the better. You now hold that precious baby in your arms and you my friend will teach her what life should be like. If her mother comes around and you know she is doing drugs, it is your place to take care of your precious baby. One thing that you have to remember, an addict does not think like a normal person...they do not have that capacity. So if you do let her around her mother, please be very careful...you never know what could happen.
Never be afraid to reach out for help, single parents do that all time. If you are working and you need help from your family...I am sure they would be willing to help you. All grandma's love babies.
I truly wish you luck and you are very blessed to have a beautiful child...God Bless!!

So sorry you are going through this.But you sound like you and youe daughter will be just fine!
You two are very blessed to have each other!
You and your family will be in my prayers.

Nice to see a great father.....best wishes for you and your daughter

Thanks for all of your kind thoughts. Tomorrow I'll be starting the process of obtaining sole custody of our daughter. I can't make her stop and I can't protect her from herself. It's time to let it go and make sure me and my daughter are safe. I sincerely hope she gets the help she needs but being here and using drugs just wont work. After talking with her mother the first time, at first her mother thought I was getting rid of her the first chance I could, which is far from the truth, and then she called me back and said I'm absolutely right. I don't want our daughter to not have her mother, but the reality is she's gone when she's high, and everything else is less important than her drugs.

Best case scenario, she comes home, and our relationship takes a 6 month pause and she gets tested. Worst case, she dies, and when her daughter is old enough, I'll have to explain how her sickness killed her.

I am feeling for you, right now. This is a horrible experience you are facing - losing your spouse when enjoying your first child. I am also very glad to hear that you are not isolating yourself - so smart.

You sound like you are dealing with things in a very objective fashion. Good for you. Sending positive energy your way.