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| Topic: Communication? | |
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I hope so! It would be a little odd if you couldn't get your way with yourself... haha. Do you argue with yourself before you win, though? only when it is a righteous vs iniquitous debate. |
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What do you do when your the one trying to work on things and keep the communication open, yet the other person doesnt really try? When you try to talk out issues with your significant other its like talking to a brick wall...what do you do? Throw the bricks at him! 
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What do you do when your the one trying to work on things and keep the communication open, yet the other person doesnt really try? When you try to talk out issues with your significant other its like talking to a brick wall...what do you do? I can relate. My ex and me had communication issues. As long as it was just her talking things went well. But inevitably she would stop talking and it was like I knew something was up. I knew from experience to just stay quiet so that there wouldn't be any arguments. Sure enough she would start talking again and everything would be okay again. I'm like that too though, i shut down and stop communicating. It just bothers me because this time i am actually trying. That is understandable. It was like a catch 22 with us. My problem was that I couldn't handle her truth. Al-Anon helped me. Through an Al-Anon lady I found that at the core of my rage was this acceptance issue I was having. I was at this meeting that turned into an ex bashing. Before I could say anything she said, "Don't tell me it was a woman who has you so upset." I thought she had ESP or something. I said, "How did you know?" She just laughed. My ex has always been an extrovert and I have always been an introvert. My ex would start a fight just to get me to open up. I guess it was more peaceful to her than the silent treatment. To her it would open up the communication because she knew my triggers and how to push my buttons. Evidently, she had never read, "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars" or she would have seen the invisible sign on the invisible cave opening, "Beware of Dragons". It goes: Men used to live on Mars and women on Venus. ... and so women are cautioned: "Never go into a man's cave or you will be burned by the dragon!" But the trouble is if you are not a real dragon but a fake dragon you can burn yourself up. The fire that goes out with a real dragon will go inward with a fake dragon. It is the difference of going super nova or turning into a black hole. Where she would explode I would implode. I would just go deeper into the cave ever getting even more hotter as the heat went from anger to rage. She had normal anger since she vented but I had abnormal anger because I was unable to vent. The psychiatrists and counselors helped me make a vent for my tea kettle temple. I was told to stop stuffing my anger because it caused me to go off on innocent bystanders. I was told that my anger wasn't evil and that even normal people have anger. I had to stop being Spock and seeing everything as either being logical or illogical. I had to stay on the same page and stop trying to win the argument at any cost. The 'we' have issues meant it wasn't just 'me' that had issues. Usually my ex was already into the next issue and I was still stuck in the last issue. No wonder the irreconcilable issues progressed. They progressed geometrically.
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