Recently I was dateing someone and all signs were that things were good. Attentive, communicateing frequently, suggesting future plans I am thinking hey finally I have reason to be hopeful. Then BAM the Ex has a medical crisis and all bets are off if I don't want to look the other way while he plays "Hero" until she kicks him to the curb again. Any ideas why people do this? I can see why it is smart not to date someone who is still walking wounded but why do people trash theri current life to chase after something they say has been done for years? I thought it was unique to me but several gal pas have told me they have run into this also so wonder if anyone has any thoughts on the subject?

sometimes if people were friends when they broke up, they decide to maintain the friendship,,,depending upon the circumstances, I would find that admirable and feel more secure with someone that had that type of (platonic) loyalty,,,

IF I was secure enough to know it was platonic

I broke up with my first husband whom I had grown up with and had a child with and I still loved him dearly and platonically. He also became ill and I was around to check in on him.

Pacific.. although this is sad and hurtful, it is best you learn early on the relationship instead of having to encounter it when real emotions are involved.

Men are pricks. Makes me ashamed I'm one of them.

We can't know his relationship with the ex. If it's been that long ago and he's running back to STAY with her, that's absurd. If he's just a nice guy and taking care of her part time and still living his life apart from her. Some people are comfortable with their past abuses as it's all they know. But since we don't know the guy's brain, it's hard to give anywhere near a reasonable answer.

But, if he is ignoring you as a result of this former "love", than he is likely into living out the comfort of the past abusive relationship, if she's the type, as you say, to "Brawny" him. That's use and toss like a paper towel....

it could just be security issues, the idea of never being alone and always having someone there....

Lillot, plenty of women do the same thing. I don't think it's a gender issue at all. But!! I agree with your assessment of men generally!!! LOLOLOLOL

Hmmm...I wish I knew the answer to this one. Sadly the exes will not stop leaving the guys I try to date alone.

Somehow I am missing the horribleness of this. He went to support his ex in a medical crisis? That seems to me like a man who is loyal and dependable in emergencies. Those seem to me like good things. I wonder what the other side of the story is--how long and how deeply he was involved with her, how serious her illness was, whether she had anyone else to call upon, how long and how deeply you were involved with him (doesn't sound like much from your description). Whether he came back, whether you yelled at him for being insensitive to you, a whole lot of things.

I dunno, I'm still pretty hostile to my ex-husband and it's been 30 years, but still, he's very very ill and if we lived closer to each other I would feel quite a burden on me to show him some kind of respectful attention as the father of our child, especially if he didn't have his own family to support him.

I'm not saying your feelings are wrong, and maybe he did just cold shoulder you the way you describe. But if you've really only had a few dates with him, it just doesn't seem that extreme to me.

I get the concept of helping a person you once cared about; maybe loaning them money or helping them with finding a place to live they can afford but I guess I don't get trashing the present to back track through a relationship that ended badly.

I can even see where helping the parent of a mutual child is demonstrateing love to the child but that was not the case here.

He's said he is sorry multiple times that I have been upset about it and that he told me thinking I would think he was just being a nice guy about a bad situation. He thinks being "honest" about it somehow makes it ok.

But I am not into triangle relationships ( even if one person thinks it is a plutonic relationship; which, I would have a really hard time buying) and have refused to see him any further. I don't need that kind of drama in my life.

Think I am just rattled more by the thing going downt he drain when I had so much else in my life so difficult. Thankfully it was not a long term serious thing yet so I guess even though it doesn't seem so fair it isn't so much a foul.

Still kind of surprises me bwcause once and Ex with me pretty much you can write off any contact with me and the whole concept seems foreign to me. I guess it is cool that people can be empathetic towards and Ex. Be nice if more people could part on better terms. .

I have come to the conclusion that some men don’t intentionally set out to be pricks. They just are!

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again is my motto.