How does a blonde use a condom twice? She turns it inside out and shakes the f--- out of it.

A depressed bonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself." The guy says, "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist." The blonde replied, "I tried that, but, I couldn't breathe...."

Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away"? " The first guy explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw it away çause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!" The second guy got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?

If you lay a brick it don't follow you around for a week

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Blonde One Liners +


Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.


Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........


Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.


Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.


Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.


Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.


Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.


Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.


It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.


To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.



Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.


Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.


Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.


Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.


Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.


Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.


It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.


Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.


NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.


Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.

The Thermos

A blond was shopping at K-Mart and came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it over to the
clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "why, that's a thermos....
it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Wow," said the blond, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!"
So she took the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss, who is also blond, saw it on her desk."What's that?" he asked.
"Why, that's a thermos...
it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"she replied.
"What do you have in it?"asked the boss,
"Two popsicles and some coffee"

A blond is driving on the freeway and gets a bad blowout. She pulls over to the side and pulls out 2 guys wearing trench coats from the back seat and puts them on either side of the car. Right then the 2 guys start flapping the coats open then closing them. Soon a cop puls up with a puzzled look on his face. "ma'am, just what do you think you are doing with these 2 guys?" So she replies......"It's okay officer, those are my emergency flashers."

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains.


She says to the salesman "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen".

The surprised salesman replies "But Madam, computers don't have curtains".

To which the blonde said

"Helloooo....... I've got Windows!"

Hey! Hey! Hey NOW!!! easy on the blonde jokes!!!!

stupid <<< huffs and walks away

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a red head?

A: A blonde is a red head with the fire f*cked out of her!

haha... gotta love it!

like yea the jokes are funny but like is it like people just don't like blondes or something?

personally I love blondes alana

---Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs. --


hey UK I just wanted to inform you that there are smart blonds :) I am one of them :) I always tell people that I am a smart blond just a dumb Pollock!

Its the artificial blondes that give us real blondes a bad name.... I have no problem with the blonde jokes, it's all in good fun!

I love blond jokes too!!!!

How do you confuse a drunken blonde?


Put her in a barrel and tell her to piss in the corner.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss!
Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"