What's the best form of birth control after 50?

Nudity

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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

45 lbs.

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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

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Why is it so hard for women to find men

who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

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What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving


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What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

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Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher

to match the stove and refrigerator.

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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.

Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18

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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mom.

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How do you know when you're really ugly?

Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

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How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?

When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."

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If Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day,

what do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

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What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?

Her navel.

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What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old
ladies?

Bingo machine.

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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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Why did God create alcohol?

So ugly people could have sex, too.

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What did the blonde say

when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"

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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

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Did you hear about the Chinese couple

who had a retarded baby?

They named him Sum Ting Wong.

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What would you call it when

an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

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What do you call an Alabama farmer

with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

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Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the
car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

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What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage, along with a recipe.

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What's the Cuban National Anthem?

Row, row, row your boat.

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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a
Southern fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins "once upon a time."


A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this
shyte."

i like that!!... so very true!!

Funny stuff